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Twenty-five Certain Signs That You've Grown Up
1. Your houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.
2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
3 You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
5. You hear your favorite song on an elevator.
6. You watch the Weather Channel.
7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of hook up and break up.
8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."
10. You're the one calling the police because those %&@# kids next door won't turn down the stereo.
11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's leftovers.
15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
16. You no longer take naps from noon to 6 PM!
17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.
19 If you're a gal, you go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.
20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff."
21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
22. "I just can't drink the way I used to," replaces, "I'm never going to drink that much again."
23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
25. You switch from hating school and liking work to hating work and wishing you were back in school.
Last edited by the elephant on Tue Mar 10, 2009 8:31 pm, edited 8 times in total.
Things are just a little laid back in Ole Miss, Ray. Takes 'em til monday to catch up, that's all!
Last edited by LV on Mon Jun 06, 2005 7:51 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Hey now! I resemble that remark...
Seriously though, Wade is just "precious" in the, true, Southern, sense of the word :)
Thanks for bringing me up to speed. Now I get it.
San Antonio, Tx.
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue . . "No good in a bed, but fine against a wall."
Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister . . . . and now wish to withdraw that statement.
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible.
Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
What would men be without women? Scarce, sir .. mighty scarce.
By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.
The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to do most things.
I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
~Zsa Zsa Gabor
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.
My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.
Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
I am opposed to millionaires........but it would be dangerous to offer me the position.
Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was 'shut up'.
Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life.
~Herbert Henry Asquith
I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.
A woman drove me to drink...and I hadn't even the courtesy to thank her.
It takes only one drink to get me drunk.....the trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.
Don't worry about avoiding temptation .. As you grow older, it will avoid you.
Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty.....But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
The cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good .. spit it out.
By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.
Here's one that Mary Ann will probably like:
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This guy wants to be a proctologist, and he wants to
be a really good proctologist, so he decides to go down to the morgue
after class and practice a little. Well, he uncovers the first guy and
there is a cork in his butt! He thinks it's a little strange, so he
pulls it and music starts playing!
"...On the road again, just can't wait to get on the road again..."
The guy really freaks out! He runs and gets the M.A.
and drags the poor guy back to the table.
"Look!" he says, and pulls the cork out again.
"...On the road again..."
The M.A. is totally unimpressed... "So what?" he says.
"Isn't that the most amazing thing you've ever seen? "the guy asked,
"Are you kidding?" says the M.A.
"Any a@@hole can sing country music!"
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