March was when my son celebrated his 16th birthday, and I got him an iPhone. He just loved it. Who wouldn't?
I celebrated my birthday in July, and my wife made me very happy when she bought me an iPad.
My daughter's birthday was in August so I got her an iPod Touch.
My wife celebrated her birthday in September so I got her an iRon.
It was around then that the fight started...
What my wife failed to recognize is that the iRon can be integrated into the home network with the iWash, iCook and iClean. This inevitably activates the iNag reminder service.
I should be out of the hospital next week!!
Miraphone 5050 YEP-641S G&W Kadja or DE mpc (102 rim; I-cup; I-9 shank) Lake Worth — West Palm Beach, FL
A young boy asks his granmother, "Grandma, what do you call it when two people are in bed with one person on top of the other?"
Grandma says, "Well, you're a little young, but if you must know, it's called sexual intercourse." And Grandma provided the best age-appropriate explanation she could.
The boy thanks her and leaves.
A little while later the boy comes in and is upset. He said, "Grandma, you lied!"
Grandma says, "What do you mean, 'I lied'?"
The boy says, "It's called BUNK BEDS, Grandma! AND Johnny's mom wants to talk to you!"
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
Confucius Says: *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Man who run in front of car get tired. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Man who run behind car get exhausted. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Man with one chopstick go hungry. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Man who scratch butt should not bite fingernails. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Man who eat many prunes get good run for money. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who drive like Hell bound to get there.. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Crowded elevator smell different to midget. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
HOW TO START A FIGHT _______________________________ One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift... The next year, I didn't buy her a gift. When she asked me why, I replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!" And that's how the fight started..... ______________________________
My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?' 'No,' she answered. I then said, 'Is that your final answer?' She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..' So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend." And that's when the fight started... ________________________________
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. "I'll have the rump steak, rare, please." He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?" "Nah, she can order for herself." And that's when the fight started..... ________________________________
My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table. I asked her, "Do you know him?" "Yes", she sighed, "He's my old boyfriend.... I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since." "My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?" And then the fight started... ________________________________
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer... always something more important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway." The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp. ________________________________
My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, "What's on TV?" I said, "Dust." And then the fight started... ________________________________
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible." My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?" And that's how the fight started...
________________________________
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds." I bought her a bathroom scale. And then the fight started...... ________________________________
My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to me, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.' I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect." And then the fight started........
Miraphone 5050 YEP-641S G&W Kadja or DE mpc (102 rim; I-cup; I-9 shank) Lake Worth — West Palm Beach, FL
Three men found themselves at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter asked the first man, "What was your annual salary and your profession?" "I made $250,000 a year as an attorney," he proudly declared. "You may enter Heaven," said St. Peter. Then he asked the second man, "What was your annual salary and profession?" "I made $150,000 a year as a realtor," he proudly responded. "You may enter Heaven," said St. Peter. Then he turned to the third man, "What was your salary and profession?" "My annual salary was $10,000," he sheepishly mumbled. "Cool!" said St. Peter. "What instrument did you play?"
There once was a woman who had two sons. One became the captain of a fishing boat. The other became Vice President of the United State. She never saw either son again.
Two Mexicans have been lost in the desert for weeks. At death's door, they see a tree in the distance. As they get nearer, they see that it's draped with rasher upon rasher of bacon: smoked bacon, crispy bacon, life-giving nearly-raw juicy bacon, all sorts of bacon. "Hey, Pepe" says the first Mexican, "ees a bacon tree! We're saved!!" So Pepe goes on ahead and runs up to the tree. As he gets to within five feet, he's gunned down in a hail of bullets. His friend drops down on the sand and calls across to the dying Pepe. "Pepe!! Pepe!! Que pasa hombre?" With his last breath Pepe calls out: "Ugh, run, amigo, run, ees not a bacon tree... ... ees a ham bush!"
Two Mexicans have been lost in the desert for weeks. At death's door, they see a tree in the distance. As they get nearer, they see that it's draped with rasher upon rasher of bacon: smoked bacon, crispy bacon, life-giving nearly-raw juicy bacon, all sorts of bacon. "Hey, Pepe" says the first Mexican, "ees a bacon tree! We're saved!!" So Pepe goes on ahead and runs up to the tree. As he gets to within five feet, he's gunned down in a hail of bullets. His friend drops down on the sand and calls across to the dying Pepe. "Pepe!! Pepe!! Que pasa hombre?" With his last breath Pepe calls out: "Ugh, run, amigo, run, ees not a bacon tree... ... ees a ham bush!"
A friend told the blond man: "Christmas is on a Friday this year." The blond man then said, "Let's hope it's not the 13th." ------------------------------------
Two blond men find three grenades, and they decide to take them to a police station. One asked: "What if one explodes before we get there?" The other says: "We'll lie and say we only found two." ------------------------------------
A woman phoned her blonde neighbor man and said: "Close your curtains the next time you & your wife are having sex. The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday." To which the blonde man replied: "Well the joke's on all of you because I wasn't even at home yesterday." ------------------------------------
A blonde man is in the bathroom and his wife shouts: "Did you find the shampoo?" He answers, "Yes, but I'm not sure what to do... it's for dry hair, and I've just wet mine." ------------------------------
A blonde man goes to the vet with his goldfish. "I think it's got epilepsy," he tells the vet. The vet takes a look and says, "It seems calm enough to me." The blonde man says, "Wait, I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet." ------------------------------------
A blond man spies a letter lying on his doormat. It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND ". He spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up. ------------------------------------
A blond man shouts frantically into the phone "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor. "No!" he shouts, "this is her husband!" ------------------------------------
A blonde man was driving home, drunk as a skunk. Suddenly he has to swerve to avoid a tree, then another, then another. A cop car pulls him over, so he tells the cop about all the trees in the road. The cop says, "That's your air freshener swinging about!" ------------------------------------
A blonde man's dog goes missing and he is frantic. His wife says "Why don't you put an ad in the paper?" He does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing. "What did you put in the paper?" his wife asks. "Here boy!" he replies. ------------------------------------
A blond man is in jail. Guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet. "Just WHAT are you doing?" he asks. "Hanging myself," the blond replies. "It should be around your neck" says the guard. "I tried that," he replies, "but then I couldn't breathe." ------------------------------------
An Italian tourist asks a blonde man: "Why do Scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?" To which the blonde man replies: "If they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat."
