New audition method

[rodmathews]

I think I've come up with a great new way to hold tuba auditions: copy the conclave that the Catholic church uses to elect a new pope!

When an opening arises, the tuba players in the top 50 American orchestras and the top 50 freelancers and studio players must appear at McSorley's Ale House in New York City within 72 hours. Admission is by secret handshake only. The participants will be required to wear t-shirts featuring the York logo and comfortable jeans for the duration of the process. BBb or Eb tubas are strictly disallowed due to an official policy that nobody seems to be able to explain. In the event that the conclave is held in Europe, BBb tubas will be required.

This tuba conclave will be sequestered in the basement of Carnegie Hall until the spot is filled, existing only on a diet of massive sandwiches from Carnegie Deli and those small glasses of McSorley's beer.

The winner can be elected from within the conclave, or can be any tuba player with the cojones to play an audition in front of this group of tubists. There will be no need for an audition repertoire list, since we always wind up playing the same stuff anyway. If you have to ask what to play, you don't have any business showing up!

A strict vow of secrecy will be required of the members of the conclave, and if broken any offender will be stripped of their tuba name (see below), exommunicated from the tuba community, and permanently stationed in the back of the viola section of their orchestra.

The first two days will be comprised of instrument inspections, mouthpiece measuring, excerpt playing, story telling, and tributes to tubists past including Bell, Geib, Jacobs, Fletcher, and others. Starting on the third day, a vote will be taken four times per day and ballots will be burned at the conclusion of each vote. The signal that a candidate has not been selected will be a burning of the ballots with green smoke, in honor of the color of the air in Carnegie after all those sandwiches and subs!

When a candidate has been selected, the members of the conclave will gather on stage to play the excerpt from the Fountains of Rome en masse and in octaves. There will be no need for any wimpy bells to chime outside, as this group of players will most certainly be heard all over Manhattan. The selected tubist will then lead the conclave in a recitation of the low brass players creed, and will announce the name they have chosen for themselves.

Their new name will be derived from their most influential or favorite teacher or coach, with the roman numeral incremented to eliminate duplication. For example, Tommy Johnson would be, well, Tommy Johnson! (or Tubist Johnson I) His students would change their names, with a few hypothetical examples given here: Gene Pokorny would become Tubist Johnson II, Norm Pearson would become Tubist Johnson III, Al Baer would become Tubist Johnson IV, and so on.

I think it could work!

[Leland]

Hehehehe....

[Charlie Goodman]

heh...

[brianf]

How about bringing together 50 players from the top symphony orchestras and 50 college teachers. Have the college teachers do the world's logest recital of music no one wants to hear (just like they have been doing at all the tuba conferences). The audience would be the symphony players. The last symphony player to walk out on the recital would get the gig (as long as he's alive and didn't die of boredom)!

[tubajoe]

How about bringing together 50 players from the top symphony orchestras and 50 college teachers. Have the college teachers do the world's longest recital of music no one wants to hear (just like they have been doing at all the tuba conferences). The audience would be the symphony players. The last symphony player to walk out on the recital would get the gig (as long as he's alive and didn't die of boredom)!

OR how about doing the auditions the other way around, kind of survivor/fear factor style:

We get the orchestral players to play the same 4 notes over and over and over and over and over and over... and when you miss one, you are out.

Wait... oops... I think that is how it's done now....


(remember folks, we're all friends here...! It's all in FUN)

[Mark E. Chachich]

Sounds like a good idea, I'll drink to that!

Mark

[Dan Satterwhite]

Joe...no long tone crescendo-diminuendo exercises?

[tubajoe]

Joe...no long tone crescendo-diminuendo exercises?

I love those -- I am always up for tuba and electronic toys...

(Get the decibel meter going while keeping the tuner steady...)

Serious, good stuff