Your favorite(/questionable) musical quotes

[jmerring]

Lake Worth High School - 1968 "Jim; tempo di comodo does Not mean 'as fast as s**t"!

Community band - 2006 That BBBb sounds like a tuned fart...take it up two octaves and leave it out!

I swear this is true and it's an old saw, but it happened. I got off the transit system in San Francisco, with my horn. Standing on the corner, I was a bit turned around and did not know how to get to my rehearsal site. I asked a stranger, "How do I get to Symphony Hall?" His answer: PRACTICE. We both laughed at that because, ironically, I was standing about 100 feet from it!

[Alex C]

The "best" orchestra in my home state was looking for a new conductor and brought in a very talented young maestro from Ireland. No one knew what to expect and he opened the rehearsal with Beethoven's second. Once the downbeat started he did not stop, the orchestra played the entire first movement.

The orchestra felt this is a good sign, perhaps they had made a good impression. All doubts were removed when he gave the final cut-off and said:

"Well.... one hardly knows where to begin, does one?"

[NC_amateur_euph]

Band director to entire middle school (beginner) band: "What keeps your ears from growing together?"

[mikehorsford]

This fall, we were playing Warren Benson's Solitary Dancer.

The Wind Ensemble conductor cuts us off and says "Let's go back to where the clarinets have the clap."

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=the+clap

[windshieldbug]

The Wind Ensemble conductor cuts us off and says "Let's go back to where the clarinets have the clap."

Wouldn't that have been years before?

[David Richoux]

The Wind Ensemble conductor cuts us off and says "Let's go back to where the clarinets have the clap."

Wouldn't that have been years before? :wink:

One time, at Band Camp...

[bearphonium]

"Well, that explains a lot" by the director of my New Horizons band last week to our clarinets who discovered that there were 11 measures between rehearsal markings 63 and 71...after we've been playing the piece for three months!

It is fair to say mistakes abound with the printing in this piece, but it took one time through for the tubas to figure out the three mistakes in our part.

Ally"who hates when we spend 5 minutes tuning the clarinets slightly more than when we don't"House

[David Richoux]

I was beat red and had trouble playing for a while. After the concert was worse when my friends caught up to me.

what did they beet you with?

[Norm in Bellevue]

A very long time ago when I was bass trombonist and occasional eupher in the long-since-disbanded 724th Air Force Band, the band director, a CWO4 left over from WWII would say during the rehearsal of a particularly long and boring piece of music, "Gentlemen, the end is too far from the beginning." I owe the chief, as I've used the quote a number times since then.

[The Jackson]

"Okay, guys, let's try something here. Put your horns down. In time with me, I want you to do the fingerings and blow air to your parts.

I call it the 'Finger & Blow' method."


I thought I left all that stuff behind when I entered "big boy skool"!

[Blake Dowling]

A few years ago in a wind ensemble rehearsal a very esteemed musician and educator had come in to work with us. Well... the music was quite difficult and after repeating a section several times he turned to the trumpet section and said, "TRUMPETS!!...I SWEAR TO GOD, IF YOU DON'T PRACTICE I WILL MURDER ALL OF YOU!!!" At this point the whole of the group (save for the trumpets of course) broke into laughter and couldn't stop.

[Chase]

This was said to a good buddy of mine by his trombone ensemble director during a rehearsal: "You, like myself; Phil, like Lloyd; me, like Dick"

[TUbajohn20J]

We had a sousaphone sectional one night this past september. Only about 7 or 8 of us showed up. Rehearsing the show music, then we started having a little fun by playing some different tuba jams as loud as humanly possible. After a while of this, a car drove up. The lady rolled down the window and said, "sorry to bother you but you woke my baby up, is there anywhere else you can go or can you play softer?" We found out where she lived; she lived almost 3 miles away!! We couldn't believe it. But that was a great experience, and we can honestly say we play so loud we make babies cry!

[NC_amateur_euph]

TUbajohn20j wrote

...can honestly say we play so loud we make babies cry!

and
KiltieTuba wrote

Hell I have been told that people can hear me from downtown - a good one half mile away.

While I admire the physical strength and apparent air handling efficiency implicit in the previous postings, please, Lord, keep these folks away from Greensboro TubaChristmas.

[TubaCoopa]

Just yesterday, a few of our band members including myself went to play pep music for a marathon, which started at 6:30 in the morning. Even though there were no houses visibly nearby, I guess some of the residents didn't appreciate our rendition of the Olympic fanfare. When we stopped to take a break from playing, a motorcycle policeman drove over and told us we had to stop playing, since it was early and on a sunday. So, we waited 15 minutes and started up again. Didn't hear anything after that, except for the marathon runners/hecklers.