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"If a man's crazy just because he plays the tuba, then somebody'd better look into it, because there are a lot of tuba players running around loose. 'Course, I don't see any harm in it. I play mine whenever I want to concentrate."

Gary Cooper as Longfellow Deeds in Frank Capra's 1936 movie, Mr. Deeds Goes to Town.

Any other famous quotes about tubas?

Tuba, or not tuba, that is the question: whether 'tis nobler in the minds of men to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous blurts and blats, or end them with a mighty blast; aye, there's the rub! - Anonymous

"You tubas suck!"--Teddy Jo Newberry(from my sixth grade band class)

OK, so it's not a famous quote, but you should have seen Teddy Jo. When I looked at her, I might have believed just about anything.

OK. OK. So she wasn't really in my band class. I made it all up. But you still should have seen Teddy Jo.

"It's not a tu-ba"

"The tuba is certainly the most intestinal of instruments, the very lower bowel of music."
- Peter De Vries
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Joe Baker, who isn't saying what part of the anatomy a clarinet is...

"We Were Stupid Before Stupid Was Cool" - Tuba Jim & Roy

"A pinhole in the right place on a trumpet makes the instrument unplayable. A bullet hole in a tuba is never noticed."

From "Les Brass"

"A man must practice day and night to learn to play the tuba right
Its full of different valves and keys and other strange complexities
But when he's mastered it, alas
It soulds like an elephant with stomach gas"

As best as I can remember it from a MAD magazine of about 15-20 years ago. There were poems about a half dozen instruments in one segment. A handdrawn rotary tuba was next to it, hence the complexity part.

A Garfield joke book I had in elementary school had a chapter on comebacks/insults:

"I'm as fit as a fiddle!"

"But you look more like a tuba."

"vater unser, der tubist im himmel"

"Aufenthalt weg vom Wasserschlüssel!"

From a Marine Band rehearsal long, long ago... the rehearsal is underway, and ahead of schedule, and Col. Bourgeois is ready to move on to the next piece.

Col. B: "Are we ready?

Band member: "Sir, the euphoniums aren't back yet."

Col. B: "Somebody call the euphoniums."

Jim Dickey, asst. principal oboe: (Stands up) "Soo-EEEEEEE!"

Now THAT'S Priceless!!

"The tuba in your hand is a mirror of the tuba in your head."

Arnold Jacobs

"Softer!" - Conductor who shall remain nameless

"The secret to happiness? I keep a spare tuba in the trunk of my car, just in case."
>Howard Hovey

"Mr. Jackson, you are playing too loud and are covering up the dancers".

Charles Ansbacher to me at a rehearsal of the Nutcracker in November 1984 with the Colorado Springs Symphony. Charlie was a good guy, and he was dead serious. I played softer because I couldn't stop giggling.

Chuck"truth is stranger, and sometimes funnier, than fiction"Jackson

I wanna play the tuba.....it sounds like a big FART

Attributed to my son when presented with the option of learning any brass instrument by his 6th grade teacher.
(not a famous quote - outside of my house anyway)

oom; never pah

An answer to the question, "Why would you bring a tuba with you?"
It's kinda like a hammer. When you need one, no other tool will quite do.