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Tool.

Well, to make sure I have that little extra 'kick' at an audition times, I will:

1- Quickley eat an entire (big) bag of Cheetos.
2- Chug a 1 liter of any high caffeninated beverage (I prefer cream soda).
3- Pop (2) Alka-Seltzer.
4- Wipe the cheezy hands on (somebody else's) clean slacks. Khakis are nice...
5- Do 25 'jumping jacks' to ensure all is mixed properly and build up is assured.
6- Worry about blowing chunks (in the horn) later. Clean up is tomorrow (after your victory party)...

Ideally, the audition should be under 15 minutes to ensure the bloating and pain should hit well after you have gone beyond earshot of anyone judging.

A big sack of dehydrated banana slices from the bulk food section dipped in a pound-size container of refried bean dip. Then cure that really BIG thirst with a couple of liters of your favorite carbonated beverage. Take four Alka Seltzers every 30 minutes as needed for distress.

Gumbo, gang! It's got all the right stuff.
Around here you can offer a musician low pay if you give him all the gumbo he can eat plus one beer per set.
I will play for my gumbo, sashay for my gumbo, pick and grin for my gumbo, and then, by God, I will pound some gumbo.

I'm Ukrainian, I eat what I always eat. Every perogy is sacred!

One entire water buffalo.

I eat other tuba players: lots of energy, and one less person i'm worried about taking my spot.

Actually, composer Jack Stamp advised me and the other tubist in our band to "eat a small house pet" for our parts on Bandancing.

I used to eat SPAM and eggs for breakfast before marching band contests, and usually some straight from the can right before performance. If you don't want to be sick, however; I wouldn't suggest this....

How about one of these?



You'll mangle the audition, of course, but you'll be comatose, so you won't care...

I heard bananas are natural beta blockers, so I always have some banana pudding before big auditions. (Makes the pills go down easier, and double the beta effects!)

Also, every morning for a few years now, I have eaten a HUGE bowl of Cap'n Crunch [note the correct spelling, beeatches!]. I figure, with the way it scratches up the roof of my mouth, it will gradually increase the size of my oral cavity, and thusly help me achieve more resonance!

3 raw eggs. and Kibbles and Bits

Two words-



Instructions:
Drink one bottle and you'll be asking "what audition"

Taking a contrarian position today, let me suggest that it could be helpful to fast.

Fast about one day a week, or at least 12 hours if not an entire day.

Fast for at least 12 hours before the audition. When you're ready to perform, your innards will be calm, your bladder will be in no danger of bursting, and your mind will be clear.

diek01,

This, and almost all of your other recent posts, are some kind of joke right? You're obviously just trying to poke fun at the dorkiness of tubenet? Right...?