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Since I reached geezerhood, women no longer want to get that close to me. But if I was faced with Scooby's identical scenario, I would change the subject.
Maybe ask, "Do you like coffee ( beer or ice water)?
Whatever answer you get reply, "You see I am so thirsty and soon as I put this horn away, I can go get some."
I suspect that most people just want to have a word with you and would like to have a sucessful - however brief conversation on most any subject.
Or, maybe all those grandmothers think you're purty.

Scooby Tuba wrote:problem can arise is when the inquirer aggressively wants to try to lift the horn themselves--usually by a tuning slide.

A photographer tried to "adjust the position" of a section mate's tuba at a photo shoot. Darned if he didn't grab it by a tuning slide, which firmly jammed at the odd angle he pulled it from.

AndyL wrote:A photographer tried to "adjust the position" of a section mate's tuba at a photo shoot. Darned if he didn't grab it by a tuning slide, which firmly jammed at the odd angle he pulled it from.

I think that same person was the photographer at my wedding. (And no, I didn't wear a tuba to my own wedding. I made someone else do that!)

Don't blame you. I'm not crazy about old ladies handling my horn, either!

This isn't exactly on topic, but I do remember an incident at a rehearsal of the Berlioz Requiem with the Utah Symphony and Mormon Tabernacle Choir. 2 "lovely ladies" of the choir were enjoying a break by sitting on Gary Ofenloch's tuba case.

I believe he got them off by asking if he could sit on their throats.

When they ask me that, I say "26 pounds". If they hold their arms out, I take a free arm and shake whichever hand is closest to it and thank them so much for coming up to say hello. If that doesn't work and they come right out and ask to heft the instrument, I'll tell them "I'm sorry, my insurance company won't allow it."

I would never try to impress them by telling them how much it costs, and for two reasons: 1. Many of the old ladies at concerts have so much money that they have no regard for its value (and some may even be insulted by the subject), and 2.) they might know a violin player who paid more for their favorite bow.

The first time I went up to greet Mike Sanders after a San Antonio Symphony concert (I had taken a lesson from him at the time), he asked me to grab his F tuba and bring it along. He was carrying his Yorkbrunner. It was a B&S with a bottom-pointing slide, and, yes, I picked it up by the tuning slide. I think I got it put back in before he noticed, though. It's been, oh, 21 or 22 years--I think I can come clean. My own tuba at the time had a horizontal tuning slide and that was the only possible way to grab it.

Rick "who doesn't seem to attract the LOL's" Denney

Tuning slides my a$$. I was playing trombone in a six piece gig in 1973 in Bella Vista Arkansas when this old tart grabbed my trombone slide, pulled it off the horn, proceeded to use it for a stripper pole while motioning me to join her on the dance floor. I joined her all right. The owner of the Country Club/retirement lot scam nearly fired the whole band over it. The rest of the band thought it was hilarious. They never let me live it down.