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When I arrived at the outdoor wedding site today, it was raining. It was a wedding at a home with all the 200 folding chairs set up on green indoor/outdoor carpet on the newly seeded lawn still with the straw on top. I just shook my head.
20 minutes before our quintet was to begin the music, plan B came into play. Move into the large, empty concrete floored pole barn. The guys and I carried our own chairs down the driveway to the barn, set up formation and started warming up. (Wow! What incredible acoustics!) 10 minutes passed with no one else showing up. All of a sudden, the father of the bride walked in and said they were going to plan C - in the house.
We packed up and headed for the house, walking in the pouring rain, shaking our heads. The guests were all standing in the large billiard room where the ceremony was to take place. We were to set up in the adjoining room (evidently a cleared out dining room) and play from there. I had a tanning bed 5 ft. to my right and the buffet table 5 ft. to my left.
We set up, and while awaiting further instructions, the family wire haired terrier strolled over to nonchalantly sniff my leg before casually sauntering off among all the other guests.
And yes, the minister did somewhat resemble Elvis in speech and appearance. During the communion, the bride took a sip from the completely full wine glass. The groom then took the glass and downed the entire thing. (The bride's actions led one to believe she had a few of her own before the wedding even started.)
The up side of the day? We were graciously payed and complemented AND they insisted we were to be first in line for the buffet!

Near-mishap that fortunately I was on the ball, and did not happen, but could have: Country club. Outdoor ceremony at the club overlooking the picturesque landscaping. Indoor reception in the usual party room, as it planned to go late. I'm using a wireless transmitter on my bass guitar. Usual load in and set up, as we've played this room before and know it well. All of a sudden, voices in my bass speaker! I immediately shut down, unplug, get a regular cord out, and save the wireless for later. That's right -- the pastor's wireless microphone was on the same frequency as my bass guitar wireless. Since we were indoors away from everything, we had planned a sound check during the ceremony as we could not be heard outdoors. I can here it now, but for my recognizing what was going on and taking corrective actions: "Dearly beloved (boom-ba boom, boom, boom) we are gathered here (boom-ba boom boom boom)....

I've learned to be more politic when asked by friends to perform at a relative's wedding. A few years ago, the woman who sat next to me in church choir asked if I'd sing at her daughter's wedding. Specifically the daughter wanted us to sing "Young Love," the Lionel Richie/Diana Ross duet and "I've been waiting for a girl like you." by Foreigner. The Thursday before the wedding the bride's mother shows up at choir rehearsal in a great mood. Found out that everyone was relieved that the groom's divorce was finalized that morning. At the rehearsal, we decided that the Foreigner song was out as the bride was close to full term in her pregnancy. It was clear that the groom had not waited at all. But that wasn't the most offensive aspect to the song. With the blushing bride full of life in her belly, I was expected to sing the lyric "It's more than a touch; it's more than a feel." with a straight face.

Fortunately, the pastor vetoed the music thus protecting my friendship with the bride's mother.

And you probably guessed that their first anniversary was spent in divorce court.

Came in to work at a large Mobile nightclub where we were house band. I noticed two long tables set up with fancy ribbons and such. The club owner told us that two wedding parties were set up next to each other. "How nice", I thought . Love is in the air.
We had a code set up to enable me, on the raised stage to and able to see, to notify the bouncers when I spotted trouble. I would announce over the p.a. (example) Billy Brooks- southeast corner. The bouncers would then head to the southeast corner of the building to stop the fight.
The wedding parties filled in and the joint was packed on a Saturday night.
An hour into the evening someone in one of the wedding parties insulted someone in the other party and two guys suddenly stood up. I announced, "Billy Brooks, northwest corner" and two bouncers eased in and got everybody seated again and quiet.
By the second set, the wedding champagne was flowing like wine and another altercation broke out and was quickly stifled but with the full moon that night, my bandmates and I were fearful.
Right before midnight, both wedding parties jumped up and commenced the biggest barfight I ever witnessed. Suddenly the people in the wedding parties and almost every one in the place was in a huge brawl-like in the movies. The lights came up, the police were called and our Saturday night was over.

Hi-
I played a wedding in Rochester years ago with a brass quintet. During the ceremony, the minister asked 'Does anyone know why this couple should not be wed?'---Well, the bride spoke up(!) and said "I'd just like to thank the groom for sleeping with the maid of honor!!!!!!!'--and the bride walked out of the church....end of ceremony and wedding....however, we did get paid in full anyway...a true story!
regards-
mark
jonestuba@juno.com

Got called to play a dixieland gig at a wedding. Yep, dixieland. Okay, this is cool, no problem. Next call for the gig is that it's going to be outdoors, actually a processional to the service. I'm thinking it's some kind of New Orleans thing, no problem. We're going from a hotel to a large conference center next door, a common venue around here for big weddings. Play them from the hotel to the hall, just across the parking lot.

No problem.

Last phone call about the gig is that the procession is a pretty big deal, they may want to go AROUND the parking lot once in order to stretch it out a bit. The band leader is getting all this information third-hand, from a music contractor who is passing this gig off (and taking a cut) who is reporting to a party planner coordinating all the components (and taking a cut) who is reporting to an unnamed family member who is running the show (and presumably writing the checks.) This is all pretty unusual, but the location is confirmed, the request is specific for a procession with the advance warning that it could be kind of long. It'll end at the hall, and we aren't playing for the ceremony. The deposit is in hand. No problem.

I didn't have the helicon back then, but I borrowed a plastic sousaphone. I can circle a parking lot and play bass lines for a while. No problem.

I get to the gig, throw together the sousaphone, put on the red-and-white-striped-vest that I detest, and head toward the big crowd of people assembled in front of the hotel. At this point, the one tiny detail that somehow slipped through the cracks somewhere between the family and our bandleader became immediately obvious.

Eastern Indian wedding. There's a camel. There are about a dozen belly dancers. The groom is on the camel. He's sitting under a bejewelled umbrella attached to the saddle, and he's wearing a turban. Thirty cars with streamers and signs lined up behind a camel.

I look at the camel, and he looks back with a very plain expression that seems to say, "Yep. You got a problem."

A guy pulls up in an expensive car, and asks, "Can you play this?" He cranks his stereo, and out pours some Indian pop tune, sitar music mixed with drum loops and a chick singing in Arabic or something. We had clarinet, bone, banjo, and a plastic sousaphone before he asked the question, and oddly enough, nobody else mysteriously appeared after he asked the question. It's almost as if he should have known the answer...

That day heard the longest D minor vamp in human history. The scars still linger.

My quintet was hired to play for the wedding of the grandaughter of a US Senator. She had met Mr. Wonderful in Paris and it turned out that he was Iranian and spoke no English, only French and Farsi (?). The bride spoke English (Southern) and French (Sounthern).

The wedding was supposed to start at 3:00. The wedding planner said, "Go ahead and start, the groom just landed at the airport." We later found out that the airport was 90 miles away.

After playing for an hour without break, the leader told the planner, we're taking a break until things are ready." Ten minutes later the planner frantically said, "Start now, the groom is here!" We started the bridesmaids' music, they came in; the groomsmen came in, the minister came in; the groom came in looking uncomfortable in an ill-fitting tux.

We started "Trumpet Voluntary." The audience stood, no bride.
After the third time through, we looked at the planner who gave us the "keep playing" sign. We kept playing.

Ten times through "Trumet Voluntary" and the audience sat down, the trumpets have faded, switching off between the melody part, dropping the second part altogether. "keep playing sign" continued.

Fifeteen times through and the low brass have faded, trumpets are taking the melody down an octave, overall quality has dropped and the planner kept giving us the "keep playing" sign. "keep playing sign"

Twenty two times through Trumpet voluntary, the doors open and the bride makes it to the alter as the trumpet gamely attempted to play the written parts. My chops were in isometric contraction for the only time in my life.

During the ceremony the trumpets said they were done, no way they could play the recessional. While they were picking new music, I looked at the groom. Here was a Muslim, in a Mississippi Delta Presbyterian church, not understanding a word being said, pulling at his collar. I bet he wondered if coming to America was worth it.

We played one movement of a Pezel dance movement for the recessional, without repeats and quit. It took over two hours, I left as soon as we finished and told the leader to pick up my check, or not. I just wanted to get away.

Here's my wedding tale-

Our quintet was hired to play a wedding at our horn player's church. The church is behind several sororities right next to the UNC campus, so there are lots of "towing enforced" signs in the church parking lot. I don't figure that's a problem, because I'm supposed to be here for this gig, and the horn player goes to this church, so I park my Civic hatchback in the lot and go into the church. Several hours later, I emerge and head for my car. It's not where I thought I left it, so I wander around the lot, thinking I must have mis-remembered where I parked. Doggone if it isn't gone! So I go back into the church, which by now is pretty empty. The church's wedding planner person is still there, so I ask her if by any chance my car had been towed. She looked kind of ill and asked if it was a red Civic. Several hours later, I was re-united with my Civic, which fortunately turned out to be none the worse for the wear. More than I can say for the tuba player, who just barely passed this sense of humor test.

I have several stories that are humerous... now. My combo was playing an outdoor reception when a wind blew up, so we all retired to the big house. It turned out to be a twister and after it blew past, everyone went out to find the buffet tent gone and the choclate fountain at the bottom of the pool. We played for a very wild crowd that was just happy to be alive.

At another gig we were contracted to play the reception only. Just as the wedding was finishing, the power went off in the church. Everyone sat around eating for an hour and the crowd left. They paid us for iour time (we did not play a note) and then the power came back on. We got $100 to eat... and the food was great.

Another wedding was a couple of bikers. The wedding (which I watched) was VERY interesting. Many in the gallery had cell phones out and up so someone on the other end could hear the vows. The reception was marked by twenty fifths of Jack in the Black and three kegs. All was consumed quickly and the happy couple left on the fat boy that was inside the fellowship hall.

I deejayed a wedding where bride and groom left the reception in a really huge and excellent looking tow truck.

Wedding was at the bride's parent's house. we played on the deck overlooking the back lawn where the white chairs and altar were and the tent was farther out back for the reception. The plan was that we would play the wedding and then go to the tent and play about an hour of mingling type background music, while the wedding party had the pictures taken and the guests were haveing horsiedurvies (however you spell that word). Fine no problems, the day was beautiful, we found the place with no trouble, we set up on the deck and the setting was actually pretty nice. We were out in the boonies and they had a huge back lawn, very picturesque. Well Dad's is ripped and three sheets to the wind before the wedding as we get there. Well no problems during the wedding, he keeps himself together, but at the reception, he seems to think we are the dance band and he is YELLING at us because the music we are playing is too soft and the people can't dance to it. The groom hired us and we tried telling him that we weren't a dance band and that the DJ was on after dinner, but he wanted the party to start getting "whooped up" as he said more than once. We basically packed up about 20 mintes and early and the groom came over and apologized and even gave us a big tip, so in the end it turned out to be OK but what a piece of work this guy was.

ken k

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We played for four weddings for a rich family with five kids. We had a previous engagement on the fifth one, and we really hated to miss it. After three of the weddings they gave everyone in the band a bottle of Korbel Brut champagne to take home.

On the third one, everyone was pretty much ripped after about an hour. The entire wedding party, plus the bride's grandparents, the minister, and a fourth of the guests ended up in the pool. It wasn't voluntary in many of the cases, but everyone was a good sport. They had to pay a pretty penny for ruined formal wear, but they didn't care.

About five years later, we were playing in a room that only had one available power outlet for our PA, bass and keyboard rigs, and stand lights. We cranked up to a reasonable volume level, hit a loud spot, and lost power. After this happened about five times in 15 minutes, we found out that they were powering five food warmers off the same circuit that the band was using. They ran a 100 foot power cable to the other end of the building for us to make sure that we were the only ones on the circuit. It buzzed like mad because of a ground loop, but at least we were able to keep playing.

tofu wrote:The place was really hot, folks were packed in and the crowd was well boozed up. Half way through the chicken dance a server drops a plate. The crowd apparently takes this as a sign



and every guest in the place grabs every available plate & glass and smashes it against the floor. The place is up for grabs -- the owners and staff come rushing in and really get into it with the out of control crowd.

Fortunately, we learned long ago to get paid in advance and quickly got our stuff together and headed for the door. As we headed out of the parking lot a whole fleet of Chicago's finest were pulling up to the door. No idea what the final outcome was, but we laughed all the way home.

Pretty much like the very last wedding I ever played: The crowd got all liquored up, fights started, and things started flying through the air, many in our direction on the stand. We did what any self-respecting musicians would do: we pulled as much equipment as we could with us over the back of the stand and hunkered down for 20-30 minutes while the crowd went nuts throwing punches, chairs, tables, etc. When the cops cleared the room and we came out of our hidey-hole, it looked like a war had been fought in the ballroom. I decided right then that I was not having enough fun playing weddings for $100. a night to put up with this kind of crap!

I've been lucky. The only fight I've seen at a reception was after the garter and bouquet were tossed. The guy who caught the garter was putting it on the girl who caught the bouquet and got a little too friendly. His fiancee ran out, decked him, and kept beating him with her purse.

I played a wedding once with a VERY direct trumpet player. We were about to start the prelude when the M.O.B came into the loft and said "I'm sorry, we forgot the check."
The trumpet player said "well That's a problem, isn't it?" He took his mouthpiece out of his horn, put his horn in his case and was about to leave. The M.O.B. said, in a very panicky voice, "I'll be right back!!!!" The entire quintet was paid in $1's, $5's and $10's.

My wife is a violinist and she has some good ones. Like the bride who processed to the Aggie War Hymn and recessed to "We all Live in a Yellow Submarine."
Or, the wedding where they specifically told her "No Sacred Music." It was out in the woods with crystals and ornaments hanging in the trees, everyone dressed in black, lit by candles mounted in skulls. Th string quartet set up facing each other to keep a lookout in case they were to be sacrificed.

This one sounds like there ought to be a good joke in it. A friend played for a Jewish Lesbian Wedding, officiated by a Renegade Rabbi. Both women were in wedding dresses.

Dennis K. wrote:This one sounds like there ought to be a good joke in it. A friend played for a Jewish Lesbian Wedding, officiated by a Renegade Rabbi. Both women were in wedding dresses.

OK, maybe not a joke, but a question (slightly OT--sorry Sean. Consider it for the good of the thread...) At a traditional Jewish wedding, the groom breaks the glass at the end of the ceremony. Who had the honors at the wedding that you described?