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On the twelfth Day of Christmas
My True Love Gave To Me:

Twelve Perantuccis
Eleven Silver Booseys
Ten E Flat Bessons
Nine Meinl Westons
Eight Good Used Getzens
Seven Martin Monsters
Six Alexanders
FIVE LACQUERED KINGS
Four Cerveny Pigs
Three Miraphones
Two Chicago Yorks
AND A GOLD PLATED BLOKE-O-PHONE HORN!

Upright bells, Upright bells,
All in the back row,
Oh, what fun it is to play
With a dented bottom bow

Upright bells, Upright bells,
All in the back row,
Oh, what fun it is to play
With a dented bottom bow

A day or two ago,
When asked to play “The Ride,â€

Chestnuts performed by the orchestra
Jack Lost waving his baton
Inharmonious notes being sung by a choir
Who can't even place a simple 'Do'
Everybody knows a turkey playing woodwinds
Helps to make the concert sour
Violas, among them a single working bow
Will find it hard to last an hour

They know the Maestro's a real bore
He's loaded lots of strings and woodwinds in his score
And every mother's child wants to hear
And find out if tubas really do hold beer

And so I'm fingering this simple phrase
With valves one, five, four, three, and two
Although they've been played many times, many ways
Cherry Excerpts to you
Cherrrrrrrry Excerpts, Cherry Excerpts,
Cherry Excerpts to you

Newbie got run over by the freakjury
Posting a simple question Christmas eve,
You can say you don’t believe it happened
But as for me and the elephant, we believe.

Newbie’s been thinking too much lately,
And wondered was it so.
If they are so freaking good,
Why don’t everyone play miraphone

When they found him the next morning,
At the scene of the attack.
There was york stamped on his forehead
A hirsbrunner tattoo on his back.

Newbie got run over by the freakjury
Posting a simple question Christmas eve,
You can say you don’t believe it happened
But as for me and the elephant, we believe.

Now were all so proud of newbie
He’s been taking this so well
Sitting in the practice room
Playing Kopprasch and Nehlybel

Its not tubenet without newbies
Freakjury so poised for the attack
Cant we all just get along
And cut the new guys some slack

Newbie got run over by the freakjury
Posting a simple question Christmas eve,
You can say you don’t believe it happened
But as for me and the elephant, we believe

Now the questions have been pondered
On who’s going to get the next gig
Will it be a brass or silver tuba
And why do they use a mouthpiece that is so frigging big?

I warned all my fellow tubnetters
Better watch out for what you post
Or the freakjury will filet you
And serve you over toast

Newbie got run over by the freakjury
Posting a simple question Christmas eve,
You can say you don’t believe it happened
But as for me and the elephant, we believe

False tones ring, are you listening?
In the hall, lacquer's glistening,
Such a beautiful sight, they're awestruck tonight,
Playing in the lowbrass wonderland

Euphs do play just a bit flat,
Bass "bones bark, rat-a-tat-tat
But the tubas do shine, though not always in time,
Playing in the lowbrass wonderland

In the back row we will build a chorus,
and blat out the notes we want to play,
No one in the audience will ignore us,
'cause lowbrass magic all their minds will sway

When we're done, we'll conspire,
to steal the beer keg from the choir
We'll all raise a glass, to Christmas and brass,
Playing in the lowbrass wonderland.