Stupidest repair stories?

[Art Hovey]

After reassembling a small tuba that had been badly mistreated in a previous lifetime I gave it a toot and detected a serious leak somewhere. So I got out the garden hose, and quickly discovered the problem. Apparently when the second valve was stuck down someone decided to drive it back up by poking a nail through the hole in the bottom cap. The nail went right through the hole in the bottom of the piston and made a new hole in the curved tubing just above, inside the piston.
That's my nomination for the Darwin award of instrument repair; can you top that?

[BriceT]

Brook Mays... thats all that needs to be said

[sc_curtis]

When I was apprenticing during my college summers, we had a "brass tech" who DROPPED a silver trumpet into the silver dip. When he got it out, there was a large crease in the bell from where it landed in the foul-smelling stuff. I know this because I was next to him in the chemical room chem-cleaning some trombones. He looked at me in astonishment, and explained that that was the first time he had ever seen the SUCTION (of pulling a horn out of liquid) cause damage to the bell.
When I told the other techs on the repair floor...

[eupher61]

I once found a potato skewer jammed into the bottom of a valve.

I once took my Piggy to a repair guy, who had a great reputation. I needed a slide unstuck and one of the rotors reseated--I just couldn't get it in right. He called me 2 days later and said "well, I have the horn apart and the problems are..."
He didn't get to tell me where the problems are. He also only got paid $15 (this was roughly 1982) despite a bill for $120.

[peter birch]

not so much a repair story as a maintenance one...my euphonium playing colleague cleaned and washed his instrument a few days before an important concert..but he lost a valve spring. He had a spare one so he put it in the 3rd valve casing. during the aforementioned important concert he noticed increasing resistance in his 1st valve. He and I looked at it during the interval and the valve cap was stuck. Fortunately, I keep a boa wrench in my case, which got the valve cap off, and we found 2 springs in the first valve. He felt stupid and I felt virtuous at helping a fellow player in the middle of a concert.

[Rick F]

not so much a repair story as a maintenance one...my euphonium playing colleague cleaned and washed his instrument a few days before an important concert..but he lost a valve spring. He had a spare one so he put it in the 3rd valve casing. during the aforementioned important concert he noticed increasing resistance in his 1st valve. He and I looked at it during the interval and the valve cap was stuck. Fortunately, I keep a boa wrench in my case, which got the valve cap off, and we found 2 springs in the first valve. He felt stupid and I felt virtuous at helping a fellow player in the middle of a concert.

This one's a winner in my book

[ASTuba]

Gosh, where should I being on this one?

A guy using a spray bottle of Simple Green as a "chemical clean" for brass instruments? He then would follow it up by buffing and lapping all the pistons.....

What about another tech who I saw rivet and epoxy a bottom bow back on a Yamaha 321 BBb tuba?

There's more, but these are my highlights.

[Tubaing]

I took a tuba tuba to get the bottom bow, bell leadpipe, braces and some other stuff reassembled.

To cover up the sloppy soldering, he used very low grit sandpaper which resulted in some very deep scratches (I'd bet half the thickness of the brass).

He had to put the main slide (in leadpipe) outer tubes back on and he put them on unparallel (I don't understand how that was even possible since the main slide had a brace!)

He put the bottom bow on slightly wrong, so instead of redoing it or having the leadpipe on a brace, he just bent the leadpipe (and left the big dent), and soldered it on the bell (he also chiseled off the solder on the leadpipe).

He dented the bell.

The bottom bow needed to be resoldered on after a week!

And he ended up taking about a month longer than he told me before and asked for more than the estimate he gave me!

[windshieldbug]

Apparently when the second valve was stuck down someone decided to drive it back up by poking a nail through the hole in the bottom cap. The nail went right through the hole in the bottom of the piston and made a new hole in the curved tubing just above, inside the piston.

At least a nail hole can be patched! I've seen (even bought, but boy, were they cheap!) horns whose entire piston valve innards were gone from too enthusiastic pounding...

[sungfw]

...I think it was Jim Akins who made the dent balls, Gods gift to low brass

I assume you mean the "Dent Eraser"... Nothing screws up a nice horn faster than a repair "technician" and a set of magnetic dent removal tools. Unless you actually like that basketball texture for a better grip on your horn and streaks of cracked lacquer.

Um ... ST, he left out the three most important words, "God's gift to REAL low brass repair techs."

[andrew the tuba player]

Not so much a repair but a maintance. We have a relitvely new 3 valve euphonium that a girl decided to wash in vinegar. need less to say if you want a good way to smell up an delaquer a horn almost 100% i can tell you it works. (and to make it better a beginning band kid offered to take it home and have his dad paint it with flat black spray paint.....) Also, it must have had some valve stem issues because the stems were all different. the fisrt valve stem was to small and wiggled alot, the second was origanal and the last one someone had decided to cram a large sousaphone stem in. we had to re thread it to fit, but finaly got it working.

then, our other baritone has been sent off three times now to have one brace soldered. we finaly gave up since i got the other horn working.

[Rick Denney]

Some of the stupidest things I have ever seen I did myself, so I think I'll keep quiet about them.

Rick "who has already exceeded his stupidity quota for the day" Denney

[dfear]

A beginning band student from several years back had a very vivid imagination and a lack of common sense to match. I use the phrase "blow the air THROUGH the instrument, not TO the instrument quite often". This particular student could use that imagination of his and really visualize the air pushing through the instrument. He decided it would be a great idea to insert a marble down his bell and blow it out like a spit ball. When this failed, he proceeded to the garage and retrieved his father's hammer to "wiggle" it out with a few "moderate" taps. Two weeks later, he was in class with a different trumpet.

[Rob]

Rick Denny wrote...

"Some of the stupidest things I have ever seen I did myself, so I think I'll keep quiet about them."

I'm impressed, here is a man that has an impressive depth of knowledge, many insightful replies that I've enjoyed reading, and a website that has a lot of good info in it. While I can't say that I've managed to screw up a tuba much, I might admit that I went through several junker cars till I found the semi-passable knowledge that I have in that area.

I'm also reminded that it's a very wise man that keeps his mouth shut at times....though some of the prolific comments I see on here from time to time make me wonder if some ever don't talk....

Rob "who aspires to be a good tuba player someday, and has at least one horn he'll never personally work on"

[peter birch]

Rick Denny wrote...

"Some of the stupidest things I have ever seen I did myself, so I think I'll keep quiet about them."

Rob "who aspires to be a good tuba player someday, and has at least one horn he'll never personally work on"

..reminds me of the legal aphorism that a lawyer who represents himself has a fool for a client..

[oldbandnerd]

I twisted the lead pipe on a Besson bellfront 3 valved euphonium that was no longer being made. The horn belonged to a middle school and was on loan to me. I let the horn get away from me and got the mouthpiece stuck.
The stupid thing about it is I KNEW BETTER ! . I knew I shouldn't take a pair of pliers a start turning ! I knew what would happen . But , the school needed the horn back and I didn't want to have to leave it at a repair shop and them be with out it for a few days. Instead they were with out it for 3 months waiting for a new lead pipe to come in .
Here's the dumbest part ....... the band director had the tools to remove it properly . All I had to do was give it back to him .... ...
duhhh .....

But,on the bright side I had the horn chem cleaned and some other minor work done on it while it was sitting in the repair shop. The horn came back to the school in much better shape.

[Roger Lewis]

I had to have the 3rd valve slide shortened on my Yorkbrunner to get the pitch up where it belonged. The tech used a hacksaw to cut off the outer tubes - through two brace "saddles". Crooked cuts with lots of "hesitation" marks on the slide.

Ideally it would have been neater to have cut the ferrules in half and then shortened the inner slide tubes. That would have gained the 1 inch that I needed.

Needless to say, this tech has never seen my horn again.

Just my experience.
Roger

[J.c. Sherman]

Let’s see – I’ve seen amazing home repairs, or “Dad” repairs, as well as absolutely puzzling finds:

An Olds Euphonium with a stick lodged in the top bow (how the he!! Did it get there?!?)

6,349 mouthpipes bent from mouthpiece removal attempts with pliers.

“Dad soldered it”

Many Matchbox cars lodged in Euph top bows – much more common than you’d think…

A reams worth of Music and homework assignments found in various tubas.

Attempts to remove valves with drumsticks

Poop in a Euph (thank god, I wasn’t the one working on that one!).

Tuning slides torn apart by attempts to remove a stuck slide

Tuba and Euphonium Bells “Clam shelled” by kids holding the bell down with their feet while trying to remove a stuck slide…

Duct tape – I call time removing this stuff a “D.A. charge” (you can guess).

Rubber bands on silver instruments to hold down waterkeys (NEVER do this!).

Super glue – Just say no!

Some people try to “preserve” old instruments using heavy grease on everything. Problem is, most of these “lubes” dehydrate over decades, making something akin to glue. Lot’s of “garage sale finds” have to pay dearly to get otherwise nice horns apart and able to play again!

Kid gets bored, and begins hammering on the top bow of his tuba with his mouthpiece. Completely inverts the tube against itself!

Boy, did he pay (new bow)!

Tuning slide tube comes off a Monette trumpet. Owner reverses the tube, pushes the soldered end into the outer slide with gorilla glue “so it would stay put.” Certainly worked…

Yes, the Dent Eraser is dangerous. Just say no (Although, it is a wonderful tool on old sousaphones). Otherwise… dubious usefulness… but it helped on a Bari Sax bottom bow once!

Soaked the horn overnight in a warm, soapy bath – wondered why the lacquer came off…

On my part…

Left some Bundy Trumpet valves in the acid bath overnight (oops).

Put a nickel plated cornet c. 1890 in the acid bath – half the nickel came off, the other half was copper-plated!

Accident – Brand new Kanstul Bass on the work peg for a little valve adjustment. Peg CRACKS in the vice, and it falls to the floor! I wanted to cry!

So many after a decade - Can't begin to say...

J.c.

[Norm Pearson]

My regular (and excellent) repairman’s shop was busy and it was time to have my 4 year old Yamaha YFB822S cleaned out so I decided to try another repair shop that came highly recommended from a colleague. I asked for a chem clean and they offered to polish the tuba for me as well for no extra charge. I was told they would use silver polish and rag it out like I do at home so it seemed like a good deal to me.

When I picked up the tuba I noticed some swirl marks on the bell. Upon closer inspection I noticed brass peeking through all over the tuba. It turns out that the person who cleaned the tuba decided to hand it over to the buffer to save some time and the heavy handed buffer took about ten years worth of silver off of the tuba. He laid into the buffing wheel so hard that it took the details out of the valve caps and valve buttons: the ridges had been buffed off of the caps and buttons and they were completely smooth on one side. The owner did buy me new replacement caps and buttons but the tuba now looks like cr*p. It only took two or three months for large sections of silver to completely vanish from the horn.

Since then I have seen other abysmal repair work on other peoples horns from this shop. I’ve learned, the hard way, that it’s best to check out a shops work before I hand one of my instruments to them for “improvements”.

Norm Pearson

[J.c. Sherman]

My regular (and excellent) repairman’s shop was busy and it was time to have my 4 year old Yamaha YFB822S cleaned out so I decided to try another repair shop that came highly recommended from a colleague. I asked for a chem clean and they offered to polish the tuba for me as well for no extra charge. I was told they would use silver polish and rag it out like I do at home so it seemed like a good deal to me.

When I picked up the tuba I noticed some swirl marks on the bell. Upon closer inspection I noticed brass peeking through all over the tuba. It turns out that the person who cleaned the tuba decided to hand it over to the buffer to save some time and the heavy handed buffer took about ten years worth of silver off of the tuba. He laid into the buffing wheel so hard that it took the details out of the valve caps and valve buttons: the ridges had been buffed off of the caps and buttons and they were completely smooth on one side. The owner did buy me new replacement caps and buttons but the tuba now looks like cr*p. It only took two or three months for large sections of silver to completely vanish from the horn.

Since then I have seen other abysmal repair work on other peoples horns from this shop. I’ve learned, the hard way, that it’s best to check out a shops work before I hand one of my instruments to them for “improvements”.

Norm Pearson

They should pay to have the horn replated or replaced. That's inexcusable. You simply do NOT buff a silver horn. Ever. Modern instruments have so little silver on them you will go through the metal.

Seriously - you asked for the horn cleaned and polished - with siver, that means chemically cleaned, not abrasively; this is true, of course, for lacquer too - you take some windex to it, not a buffing wheel.

It's inarguable that you wanted it to look better. Tell them to fix their error. A $10,000 tuba, cleaned and replated, is a cost they should happily eat, rather than the horrid press they would get from your open mouth - which they deserve if this is not fixed to your satisfaction.

Even though the falling bass trombone incident I mentioned was just that - an unforseable accident, we offered to fix it, or if necessary replace the bell or the whole horn. He was kind enough to let us fix it.

I'm absolutely shocked at what they did to your horn. All decent repair techs would agree, I'm sure.

J.c.S.