ITEC 2008 - a different perspective
Posted: Mon Jun 30, 2008 5:13 pm
There have been many great reviews of this conference already posted by people who are much more important than myself. However, I wanted to share my story with as many people as I can, as this conference has literally saved my life. Thanks to everyone, and please, feel free to share this with as many people as you can.
This past week, I was lucky enough to attend and perform at the International Tuba Euphonium Conference in Cincinnati, OH. As many of you know, since the passing of my fianceé Gretchen in April, tuba playing hasn't been a very important thing for me. When a tragedy like this has struck me in my past, I've always been able to run to tuba playing and music in order to help me grieve and heal.
Unfortunately, this is not the case this time. Gretchen and I wanted nothing more than a career together in music somewhere in the world. When we played, we always played for each other, taking our music to the highest level I've ever experienced in my life, and I know it was the same for her as well. This is an unbelievable feeling that has overwhelmed me every time I've attempted to practice for the last 3 months.
So, with all of these feelings of sadness surrounding my music, I drove with the Eastman Tuba-Euphonium Ensemble (known as Tuba Mirum) to Cincinnati, I had come to the conclusion that this would be my last official act as a tuba player. I was ready to sell anything I had, as the pain and sadness from making music had just gotten to be more than I wanted to handle.
As I walked into the hotel room I was staying in with my friends from previous times together in Atlanta, I cried at the thought that I would never see them as musician colleagues again. We would just be 3 tubas nerds, and that guy who walked away from everything. They all kept telling me that I was making a rash decision, and that I wasn't thinking about what Gretchen wanted me to do, but I knew that I never wanted to feel this sad about music in my life.
I went to several concerts at the beginning of the conference, and I started to feel something. I didn't know what this feeling was, but I chose to ignore it as fast as it came into my body, and just move on. I simply didn't want a career as a musician without Gretchen being a part of my life.
And then I heard Jens Björn-Larsen, tuba professor at the Hannover University after being principal Tubaplayer in the Radio Symphony Orchestra Kopenhagen from 1986 until 2005. Jens played Robert Schumann's "Adagio and Allegro," which is originally written for horn and piano.
Now, when I saw this in the program, it immediately jumped out to me. I remembered all the times I would play recordings of tuba players playing this piece to Gretchen, and her explaining to me that they weren't performing it like she had thought it should be played. She would then proceed to give me about 15 examples of horn players playing the piece in the correct style, and I would immediately find her even more incredible than I did before.
So, now, here I was, thinking about leaving music, and a tuba player's going to get up and play my favorite horn piece at a conference. I sat on the edge of my chair, waiting with anticipation for his performance. And what a performance it was! I was moved to tears from the moment he sat down and played the first two notes. Professor Larsen's performance was exactly what Gretchen had been telling me about for the last seven months.
Another great moment from this conference was the induction ceremony for Harvey Philips. It was at this where Dan Perantoni performed "Song for Carol" by Alec Wilder. This piece holds a special place in my heart, as it was the first and only piece I have ever dedicated in my life. I dedicated this to Gretchen at our one and only recital we shared together at SUNY Oneonta earlier this year. Mr. P's performance was another moment where the emotions of everything hit me, and I was overwhelmed by tears.
It was the first time hearing or playing music where I actually felt inspired to continue on with my studies. There were many other performances that moved me, from Mr. Baadsvik's performance of the Plau Concerto, to getting to hear Gene Pokorny play in person for the first time in my life. However, that Schumann will always hold a special place in my heart.
I know that this process and journey that I'm taking through music has changed dramatically in the last few months. I know now that I am not just doing this for myself, that I'm doing it for Gretchen and I both. That I'm going to succeed, because I know that someone is looking out for me, to help me become the great musician that I am capable of.
I want to thank everyone at ITEC, especially Mr. Tim Northcut, for their hard work and for allowing someone like me to realize just how stupid I was for thinking my career was over.
(If anyone knows how to get a hold of Mr. Larsen, I'd really appreciate an opportunity to tell my story to him.)
This past week, I was lucky enough to attend and perform at the International Tuba Euphonium Conference in Cincinnati, OH. As many of you know, since the passing of my fianceé Gretchen in April, tuba playing hasn't been a very important thing for me. When a tragedy like this has struck me in my past, I've always been able to run to tuba playing and music in order to help me grieve and heal.
Unfortunately, this is not the case this time. Gretchen and I wanted nothing more than a career together in music somewhere in the world. When we played, we always played for each other, taking our music to the highest level I've ever experienced in my life, and I know it was the same for her as well. This is an unbelievable feeling that has overwhelmed me every time I've attempted to practice for the last 3 months.
So, with all of these feelings of sadness surrounding my music, I drove with the Eastman Tuba-Euphonium Ensemble (known as Tuba Mirum) to Cincinnati, I had come to the conclusion that this would be my last official act as a tuba player. I was ready to sell anything I had, as the pain and sadness from making music had just gotten to be more than I wanted to handle.
As I walked into the hotel room I was staying in with my friends from previous times together in Atlanta, I cried at the thought that I would never see them as musician colleagues again. We would just be 3 tubas nerds, and that guy who walked away from everything. They all kept telling me that I was making a rash decision, and that I wasn't thinking about what Gretchen wanted me to do, but I knew that I never wanted to feel this sad about music in my life.
I went to several concerts at the beginning of the conference, and I started to feel something. I didn't know what this feeling was, but I chose to ignore it as fast as it came into my body, and just move on. I simply didn't want a career as a musician without Gretchen being a part of my life.
And then I heard Jens Björn-Larsen, tuba professor at the Hannover University after being principal Tubaplayer in the Radio Symphony Orchestra Kopenhagen from 1986 until 2005. Jens played Robert Schumann's "Adagio and Allegro," which is originally written for horn and piano.
Now, when I saw this in the program, it immediately jumped out to me. I remembered all the times I would play recordings of tuba players playing this piece to Gretchen, and her explaining to me that they weren't performing it like she had thought it should be played. She would then proceed to give me about 15 examples of horn players playing the piece in the correct style, and I would immediately find her even more incredible than I did before.
So, now, here I was, thinking about leaving music, and a tuba player's going to get up and play my favorite horn piece at a conference. I sat on the edge of my chair, waiting with anticipation for his performance. And what a performance it was! I was moved to tears from the moment he sat down and played the first two notes. Professor Larsen's performance was exactly what Gretchen had been telling me about for the last seven months.
Another great moment from this conference was the induction ceremony for Harvey Philips. It was at this where Dan Perantoni performed "Song for Carol" by Alec Wilder. This piece holds a special place in my heart, as it was the first and only piece I have ever dedicated in my life. I dedicated this to Gretchen at our one and only recital we shared together at SUNY Oneonta earlier this year. Mr. P's performance was another moment where the emotions of everything hit me, and I was overwhelmed by tears.
It was the first time hearing or playing music where I actually felt inspired to continue on with my studies. There were many other performances that moved me, from Mr. Baadsvik's performance of the Plau Concerto, to getting to hear Gene Pokorny play in person for the first time in my life. However, that Schumann will always hold a special place in my heart.
I know that this process and journey that I'm taking through music has changed dramatically in the last few months. I know now that I am not just doing this for myself, that I'm doing it for Gretchen and I both. That I'm going to succeed, because I know that someone is looking out for me, to help me become the great musician that I am capable of.
I want to thank everyone at ITEC, especially Mr. Tim Northcut, for their hard work and for allowing someone like me to realize just how stupid I was for thinking my career was over.
(If anyone knows how to get a hold of Mr. Larsen, I'd really appreciate an opportunity to tell my story to him.)
