Inner Conflict

[TMurphy]

Back in February, I started my first teaching job, teaching 4th-8th grade instrumental music. Tonight was my first concert. The kids sounded great, everything went well, I couldn't be happier with my job and where I am right now.

However, my good fortune in finding a mid-year position is not without tragedy. The man whom I am currently replacing is ill with leukemia. Initially, I was hired until the end of the year (they had hired somebody in September, but he found another job closer to home and left, creating the opening for me in the winter), figuring they would either be able to find another spot for me somewhere in the district next year, or I would be looking for a new job for September with some experience under my belt (which the recent college grads won't have).

Unfortunately his treatment hasn't gone as well as everyone hoped, and he's had several setbacks. At first, he wanted to return in April. Then, it looked like he would be back in September. Now, I have just learned that he is applying for disability retirement benefits. He won't be coming back.

I have been told that once the Board of Ed. receives the paperwork on his disability retirement, they will be offering me a contract for next year. This is great news for me, I love this job, and want to stay.

And that makes me feel miserable.

I feel like a vulture swooping in and taking this guy's job. Benefitting from someone else's misfortune is not exactly my style. The fact that on some level I am happy about it just makes it worse. I just don't know what to feel. He's a really nice guy, and to see this happen to him just plain sucks. He deserves better. But I'm not gonna say no when they offer me a contract, either. Does that make me a bad person?

Sorry for the long-ish ranting post. Just some stuff I needed to vent about, as this is not an easy situation to be put in. Any thoughts are appreciated.

Thanks,
TM

[Chadtuba]

That sucks for the retiring guy, I'll definitely keep him in my prayers. For you though, you have proven yourself to the BOE and the kids and therefore deserve this opportunity. The circumstances are not ideal, but most times for somebody new to get a job somebody old has to leave and you don't need to feel guilty, but I do understand you turmoil.

This last year I took a position where the prior band director had a stroke right before school a couple years ago, took a year off to rehabilitate and then came back. Unfortunately when she came back she couldn't play the piano anymore and was re-teaching herself while she was teaching the students. She recomended me as her replacement and had been a wonderful friend and mentor to me so it too kinda sucked knowing that she had lost so much of herself and her music to that stroke.

[Todd S. Malicoate]

Does that make me a bad person?

Of course not, and it speaks highly of your character that you care at all.

I would like to share two thoughts:

1) Think about it from the kids' point of view...you are their stability. They are used to your style by now, they are playing well for you, and it would be much more difficult for them if someone completely new came in to this job. Do it for them.

2) Let the man whose place you are taking know what is going on, and how you feel. Involve him as much as possible (or at least, as much as he would like). It is important that he know that what he has started will continue to be successful in the future...I imagine he is having many thoughts like that now.

Congratulations on finding a job you love...difficult for many folks to do these days. I wish you continued success and peace of mind. Oh, and in case you don't hear it very much...thank you, thank you, thank you for being a teacher!

Give that man with leukemia a handshake, and a thanks for me.

[TMurphy]

Thanks for the kind words and support. We have two more concerts today (one of which the sick man will be guest-conducting the Star-Spangled Banner), then I'll be away for the weekend, so I won't be able to check in again until Monday. Thanks guys!

[eupher61]

You've done nothing but be in the right place and time to help out, and will benefit from that longer term than anyone had hoped for at the time. If you can involve your predecessor at all, as he desires, all the better, but you have no reason to feel any guilt at all. Unfortunately, it's not an unusual situation.

[Uncle Buck]

I can't say it better than it's already been said, but I'll at least second what's already here.

It always makes me happy to see a music teacher who sincerely enjoys his or her job. Your question here also shows your integrity. You're an asset to the students you teach, and they need that.

[windshieldbug]

It's a tragedy, but one that would occur if you were not there, anyway.

If it were not you, it would be someone else.

Your display of your talent only means that someone lesser will not replace the teacher.

YOU did not make this man ill. If anything, you are making it easier for him to come to terms with his disappointmnt.

I WOULD NOT FEEL SO GUILTY FOR EVEN A MOMENT, UNLESS IT WAS YOU WHO MADE HIM ILL IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!

[PWtuba]

Dump the Yankees and become a Red Sox fan. It'll solve all of your problems, guaranteed.

[OldsRecording]

Dump the Yankees and become a Red Sox fan. It'll solve all of your problems, guaranteed.

Amen, brother! Go Sox!

[TMurphy]

Thanks for all the positive comments, guys (even the one about becoming a red sox fan...I needed a good laugh! ). After the three concerts last week (including a very emotional concert where the school gave the ill band teacher a very nice award),, I definitely needed the weekend away. All of your comments were just helping reinforce what I already knew deep down--the students and the school need to keep moving forward, and if I'm not the one to do it, someone else will. I appreciate everyone's comments.

Thanks,
TM