BECAUSE I AM A MAN (What a Woman needs to know)
Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car I will fiddle with a wire long after hypothermia, or heat stroke, has set in. AAA is not an option. I will win.
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Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink a beer together.
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Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't a problem.
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Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "cumin"or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing.
And never, under any circumstances, expect me to pick up anything for which "feminine hygiene product" is a euphemism.
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Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much, once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.
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Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss an entire show looking for it (though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator)...applies to engineers mainly.
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Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The answer is always either sex, cars or sports. I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't ask.
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Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your relations, or have your relations come visit us, or talk to them when they call, or think about them any more than I have to. Whatever you got for your mom for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my mom too.
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Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't.... and if you are feeling amorous afterwards...then I will certainly at least remember the name and recommend it to others.
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Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?
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This has been a public service message for Women to better understand the Male.
BECAUSE I AM A MAN
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Be kind. No government, state, or local politics allowed. Admin has final decision for any/all removed posts.
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Rick F
- 5 valves
- Posts: 1679
- Joined: Thu Mar 18, 2004 11:47 pm
- Location: Lake Worth, FL
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ThomasDodd
- 5 valves
- Posts: 1161
- Joined: Tue Mar 23, 2004 11:37 am
- Location: BFE, Mississippi
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corbasse
- 3 valves
- Posts: 474
- Joined: Fri May 28, 2004 2:52 pm
- Location: Bruges, Belgium
Re: BECAUSE I AM A MAN
Check. Did that yesterday...Rick F wrote: Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't a problem.
Actually this describes my wife more than me.Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "cumin"or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing.
Should I start to worry?
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Rick F
- 5 valves
- Posts: 1679
- Joined: Thu Mar 18, 2004 11:47 pm
- Location: Lake Worth, FL
More about men...
On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked for $20, for their first lovemaking encounter: In his highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed. This scenario was repeated each time they made love for the next 30 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed.
Arriving home around noon one day, she was surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state: Over the next few minutes, he explained that his company had gone through a process of corporate downsizing, and he had been let go. It was unlikely that at the age of 55, he'd be able to find another position that paid anywhere near what he'd been earning, and therefore, they were financially ruined.
Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which showed thirty years of deposits and interest totaling nearly $1 million. Then, she showed him stock certificates issued by the bank which were worth over $2 million, and informed him that they were the largest stockholders in the bank. She explained that for 30 years, she had charged him for sex and these holdings were the results of her savings and investments.
Faced with evidence of cash and investments worth over $3 million, her husband was so astounded he could barely speak, but finally he found his voice and blurted out "If I'd had any idea what you were doing, I would have given you all my business !"
You know, sometimes, men just don't know when to keep their mouths shut....
On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked for $20, for their first lovemaking encounter: In his highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed. This scenario was repeated each time they made love for the next 30 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed.
Arriving home around noon one day, she was surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state: Over the next few minutes, he explained that his company had gone through a process of corporate downsizing, and he had been let go. It was unlikely that at the age of 55, he'd be able to find another position that paid anywhere near what he'd been earning, and therefore, they were financially ruined.
Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which showed thirty years of deposits and interest totaling nearly $1 million. Then, she showed him stock certificates issued by the bank which were worth over $2 million, and informed him that they were the largest stockholders in the bank. She explained that for 30 years, she had charged him for sex and these holdings were the results of her savings and investments.
Faced with evidence of cash and investments worth over $3 million, her husband was so astounded he could barely speak, but finally he found his voice and blurted out "If I'd had any idea what you were doing, I would have given you all my business !"
You know, sometimes, men just don't know when to keep their mouths shut....
Miraphone 5050 - Warburton BJ/RF mpc
YEP-641S (recently sold), DE mpc (102 rim; I-cup; I-9 shank)
Symphonic Band of the Palm Beaches:
"Always play with a good tone, never louder than lovely, never softer than supported." - author unknown.
YEP-641S (recently sold), DE mpc (102 rim; I-cup; I-9 shank)
Symphonic Band of the Palm Beaches:
"Always play with a good tone, never louder than lovely, never softer than supported." - author unknown.
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tubatooter1940
- 6 valves
- Posts: 2530
- Joined: Mon Mar 22, 2004 11:09 pm
- Location: alabama gulf coast
When it was announced that a young lady was planning to marry a miser (cheapskate),her friends warned her that although the man had a good job,she would live in poverty.At the wedding the miser insisted she promise to "love,honor and obey"and she did.
Children came along and the family lived in a tar paper shack and the kids had no shoes but the miser continued to sock most all his money in the bank.
Many years later,he called his wife to him and said,"I am going to die soon and I want you to bury all my money with me."The children overheard and asked her if she was really going to put all that money in the old man's coffin.She reminded them that she vowed to love honor and obey.
The miser died soon after and as the casket was being lowered into the ground,the children asked if all that money was in there.Mom said,"It sure is.I wrote him a check.If he can cash it,he can have it."
Children came along and the family lived in a tar paper shack and the kids had no shoes but the miser continued to sock most all his money in the bank.
Many years later,he called his wife to him and said,"I am going to die soon and I want you to bury all my money with me."The children overheard and asked her if she was really going to put all that money in the old man's coffin.She reminded them that she vowed to love honor and obey.
The miser died soon after and as the casket was being lowered into the ground,the children asked if all that money was in there.Mom said,"It sure is.I wrote him a check.If he can cash it,he can have it."