Monday Humor ;)

[TexTuba]

A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch. The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already. The little boy says, "Dark in here." The man says, "Yes, it is."
Boy: "I have a baseball."
Man: "That's nice."
Boy: "Want to buy it?"
Man: "No, thanks."
Boy: "My dad's outside."
Man: "OK, how much?"
Boy: "$250"
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.
Boy: "Dark in here."
Man: "Yes, it is."
Boy: "I have a baseball glove." The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?"
Boy: "$750"
Man: "Sold."
A few days later, the father says to the boy, " Grab your glove, let's go outside and have a game of catch." The boy says, "I can't, I sold my baseball and my glove." The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?""$1,000" The father says, "That's terrible to over charge your friends like that... that is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess." They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confessional booth and closes the door.
The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that crap again, you're in my closet now."

[tubatooter1940]

The preacher told his assistant that his bicycle was missing and presumed stolen.He said," I may mention the bike in my sermon tonight in hopes that someone in the congregation may have seen it".
The preacher gave a stemwinder of a sermon detailing each of the ten commandments in thunderous oratory and stepped down.
The assistant asked him why he failed to mention the missing bicycle.The preacher replied,"I was going to after I enumerated the commandments,
but after I covered the commandment that dealt with adultery,I suddenly remembered where I left my bicycle".

[Benjamin]

Three guys are trying out to be in the FBI. They make to the last test. The FBI instructor says, "Ok men, final test. To prove your loyalty to the FBI you must take this gun. Then go into this room where your wife will be. You must the shoot your wife." The FBI instructor gave the gun to the first man. 10 Minuets later the man came out and said, "Sorry, I can't do it I can't kill my wife." The seconded man takes the gun and goes into the room. He comes out 10 minuets later saying, "Sorry, I can't do it I can't kill my wife." Well the third man takes the gun and goes in. A second later a loud gunshot is heard. Then after the shoot some rustling noises come through the door. The man steps out and the FBI instructor says, "Congratulations your in the FBI. By the way, what was that noise after the shoot." "Well," said the third man. "Some one but a blank in the gun so I had to beat her to death with a piece of furniture."
Benjamin.

[adam0408]

A panda walks into a bar, orders a few drinks and a sandwich. He finishes his sandwich, compliments the bartender, pulls out his gun, and blasts the place to bits. The bartender can't help ask the Panda why he did this. On his way out, the panda shouts over his shoulder "I'm a Panda, look it up!"

Several weeks later, after all of the damage has been repaired, the panda repeats the performance, this time worse than the first. he again shouts "I'm a Panda, look it up."

Perplexed, the bartender turns to his dictionary and finds this definition:

Panda: Eats chutes and leaves.