Already Done

[Joe Baker]

Okay, here I go sticking my nose into other people's business. I hope everyone will take what I'm about to say in the spirit in which it's intended.

Charlie, I don't think there's a parent in this little club of ours whose heart doesn't go out to you in the loss of your son. I watched my parents bury my brother at the age of 24, and saw what they went through, and I fully appreciate the magnitude of sorrow and loss left from that event. Furthermore, I "get" the car thing, in my case with older cars -- moreso than ever, in fact, since we recently were presented with my late Father-in-law's '66 Mustang (more on that in another post). So though I don't fully know everything you are going through, I do identify with a lot of what you're talking about here.

The thing is, you had never (that I've seen, anyway) mentioned this work on the car as something therapeutic that you were doing to cope with your loss. Bloke may have been his usual smooth-as-sandpaper self, but I think he was just being contrarian on the subject of cars. I DEFINITELY don't think there was any intent to kick you when you're down or in any way belittle your loss. How would he have known that a poke at the 'car' button would be felt as a poke at the 'grief' button? He comes across as an ornery ol' cuss, but he's actually much kinder than he would want anyone to know. I can vouch for the fact that he's not a cruel person, and would not purposely hurt a grieving parent.

I hope that you eventually get back to a place where your life has more joy than sorrow. You will always know the loss, but I believe in time you will be able to fully enjoy that which you have, as well. You and your family remain in my prayers, just about every day.
______________________________
Joe Baker, who will now go back to minding his own beeswax.

[tubatooter1940]

I lost a daughter shortly before her 22nd birthday. Charlie's right.
Staying busy with the most absorbing projects is great therapy. You got to concentrate on the living and living the rest of your life with all the intensity possible.
My daughter always liked my sailing and music and I strive to maximize the time I spend doing those pleasures. Feels just right!