DEAR ELEPHANT: Lodge Your Random Complaints Here...

[windshieldbug]

Dear Elephant,

I am annoyed that one can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like.

[windshieldbug]

Dear Elephant,

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

[Mark]

Dear Elephant,

What brand are those scooters? They are obviously built tough.

P.S. Where can I get a supply of vomit bags?

[Rev Rob]

Dear Elephant,

I can't tell if someone put raisins or rabbit turds in my oatmeal.
What should I do?

Perplexed.

[Jeffrey Hicks]

Dear Elephant,
My doctor says I have TFNJ. He says there is no cure no matter how much posting I do. He does recommend more time in the practice room and less time on the computer. What should I do?
Sincerely

Clueless in Cincinnati....

[windshieldbug]

Dear Elephant,

Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?

[pwhitaker]

Dear Elephant,

Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

Wistful

[Rev Rob]

Dear Elephant,

Can you explain to me the difference between SNAFU, FUBAR, AND TARFU?
Curious minds want to know.

Inquisitive Naivete

[Chuck Jackson]

Man, that dude only has one arm. Ironic.

Chuck

[windshieldbug]

Dear Elephant,

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

Still Trying, Anyway

[Mark]

P.S. Where can I get a supply of vomit bags?

Which type...??

It's too bad there isn't one with a picture of a viola on it. At least then you could take some pleasure from the experience.

[Jeffrey Hicks]

P.S. Where can I get a supply of vomit bags?

Which type...??

It's too bad there isn't one with a picture of a viola on it. At least then you could take some pleasure from the experience.

On it or in it? I burned a viola once and it might have been the happiest moment of my life.....

[windshieldbug]

Dear Elephant,

Does "Meow” really mean “Woof”, only in cat?

Baffled in the Back Row

[windshieldbug]

♫ "Springtime... for pachaderms... in... " ♫

[Rev Rob]

Is it a good idea to play one's tuba after eating beets? At least I can keep the beet.

Rhythmically Challenged.

[OldsRecording]

Dear Elephant,

I just raked my lawn yesterday and today it looks just like it did yesterday morning. In fact, both mulberry trees still have all their leaves. And they are green. Like, what the hell?

[TMurphy]

Dear Elephant,

Please tell the sports "writers" (and I use that term loosely) that it's "bi-week" (as in two weeks off) and not "bye week."

While you're at it, tell them the word is "seated," not "seeded." We're talking rank placement here, not hamburger buns.

Wrong, on both counts.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bye_(sports" target="_blank)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seed_(sports" target="_blank)

[Uncle Buck]

Dear Elephant,

Please tell the sports "writers" (and I use that term loosely) that it's "bi-week" (as in two weeks off) and not "bye week."

While you're at it, tell them the word is "seated," not "seeded." We're talking rank placement here, not hamburger buns.

Wrong, on both counts.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bye_(sports" target="_blank" target="_blank)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seed_(sports" target="_blank" target="_blank)

I "think" LJV might have had his tongue in his cheek.

[windshieldbug]

Please tell the sports "writers" (and I use that term loosely) that it's "bi-week"

Dear Elephant,

Do LGBT-folk play sports, too?

[k001k47]

Dear Elephant,

Why is bloke answering all the question complaints? Are you paying him?
I thought elephant would answer...