Friday's Funny (but on a Monday) - THE TNFJ Joke Repository

Brassdad · Post by **Brassdad** » Mon Apr 23, 2007 3:20 pm

A pastor was beginning his opening prayer.
"Oh Lord, without you we are but dust..."
Before he could get any furhter, a little girl turned to her mother and asked "Mommy, what is butt dust?"

Church was pretty much over at that point.

LoyalTubist · Post by **LoyalTubist** » Tue Apr 24, 2007 11:48 am

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.

The wife said, "You should do it because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."

The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."

The wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."

The husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me!"

So, she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says...."Hebrews"

LoyalTubist · Post by **LoyalTubist** » Wed Apr 25, 2007 11:39 am

This is a story of two elderly people living in a mobile home park in Florida. He was a widower and she was a widow. They had known one another for a number of years. One evening there was a community supper in the Club House, and the widower and widow made a foursome with two other singles. They had a wonderful evening and spirits were high. The widower sent a few admiring glances across the table, and the widow smiled coyly back at him.

Finally, he plucked up his courage to ask her, "Will you marry me?"

After about six seconds of careful consideration, she answered, "Yes. Yes, I will."

The meal ended with a few more pleasant exchanges and they went to their respective homes.

The next morning, the widower was troubled. Did she say 'Yes' or did she say 'No'? He couldn't remember.

Try as he would, he just could not recall. He went over the conversation of the previous evening, but his mind was blank. He remembered asking the question, but for the life of him he could not recall her response. With fear and trepidation, he picked up the phone and called her.

First, he explained that he didn't remember as well as he used to. Then he reviewed the lovely evening past. As he gained a little more courage he then inquired of her, "When I asked if you would marry me, did you say 'Yes' or did you say 'No'?

"Why, you silly man, I said 'Yes. Yes I will.' And I meant it with all my heart."

The widower was delighted. He felt his heart skip a beat.

Then she continued, "And I am so glad you called because I couldn't remember who asked me."

TUBAMUSICIAN87 · Post by **TUBAMUSICIAN87** » Fri Apr 27, 2007 7:24 pm

Post after:
You have tried to wistle and hum and the same time.

***You just tried

guilty

my favorite has to be the- god creating more than one semester of theory to torture us

LoyalTubist · Post by **LoyalTubist** » Fri Apr 27, 2007 11:05 pm

The Army band's first sergeant said that he had some good news and some bad news.

First the good news, "Specialist Tomkins will be setting the pace on our 10 k run."

The band members began to hoot and holler, since the overweight Tomkins, the tuba player, was the slowest guy in the unit.

Now the bad news, "Specialist Tomkins will be driving the band's van!"

Brassdad · Post by **Brassdad** » Mon Apr 30, 2007 6:52 am

Chuck Norris is so tough that he doesn't have a chin under his beard.
It's another fist.

windshieldbug · Post by **windshieldbug** » Tue May 01, 2007 12:50 pm

Are you Docadoxaphobic? Me, too!

windshieldbug · Post by **windshieldbug** » Tue May 01, 2007 1:38 pm

Back atcha, but I'd never admit it in a public forum!

djwesp · Post by **djwesp** » Tue May 01, 2007 4:50 pm

20 Things That Have Happened Since The Chicago Cubs Last Won The World Series

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

1. Radio was invented; Cub fans got to hear their team lose.

2. TV was invented; Cub fans got to see their team lose.

3. Baseball added 14 teams; Cub fans got to see AND hear their team
lose
to more teams.

4. George Burns celebrated his 10th, 20th, 30th, 40th, 50th, 60th,
70th,
80th, 90th and 100th birthdays.

5. Haley's Comet passed Earth... twice.

6. Harry Caray was born... and died. Incredible, but true.

7. The NBA, NHL and NFL were formed, and Chicago teams won
championships
in each league.

8. Man landed on the moon, as have several home runs given up by Cubs
pitchers.

9. Sixteen US presidents were elected.

10. There were 11 amendments added to the Constitution.

11. Prohibition was created, and repealed.

12. The Titanic was built, set sail, sank, was discovered, and became
the
subject of major motion pictures... the latter giving Cub fans hope that

something that finishes on the bottom can come out on top.

13. Wrigley Field was built and becomes the oldest park in the
National
League.

14. Flag poles were erected on Wrigley Field roof to hold all of the
team's future World Series pennants. Those flag poles have since rusted
and
been taken down.
15. A combination of 40 summer & winter Olympics have been held.

16. Thirteen baseball players have won the Triple Crown; several
thanked
Cubs pitchers.

17. Bell bottoms came in style, went out of style, and came back in
style.

18. The Cleveland Indians, Boston Red Sox, Arizona Diamondbacks, and
Florida Marlins have ALL won the World Series.

19. The Cubs played 14,153 regular-season games; they lost the
majority of
them.
20. Alaska, Arizona, Hawaii, Oklahoma, and New Mexico were added to
the
Union.

TubaRay · Post by **TubaRay** » Tue May 01, 2007 4:59 pm

djwesp wrote:20 Things That Have Happened Since The Chicago Cubs Last Won The World Series

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

8. Man landed on the moon, as have several home runs given up by Cubs
pitchers.

No kidding? I guess the wind must have been blowing out at the time. And with steroids and all....

windshieldbug · Post by **windshieldbug** » Tue May 01, 2007 6:21 pm

2 allodoxics = a paradoxic

windshieldbug · Post by **windshieldbug** » Tue May 01, 2007 6:39 pm

DIV BY ZERO @ 177192#177192

djwesp · Post by **djwesp** » Tue May 01, 2007 9:24 pm

Yes, this is a real picture of tom brady.

Go here, if you aren't easily offended:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=9ufwukWgKfI

LoyalTubist · Post by **LoyalTubist** » Thu May 03, 2007 7:48 am

Two blondes were sitting on a rock one beautiful night in California's Mojave Desert. One girl looked up at the sky and asked the other a question...

"Jennifer, which is closer.. the moon or Miami Beach?"

"Duh, Roxanne!" the other exclaimed, "You can see the moon, can't you?"

djwesp · Post by **djwesp** » Fri May 04, 2007 1:30 am

Take a look at this letter that was sent home with students after they took part in a food fight.

TubaRay · Post by **TubaRay** » Fri May 04, 2007 9:01 am

Pretty impressive, Wes. There were other errors which you did not highlight. As a high school band director, I have often required students to have letters of recommendation in order to try out for drum major. You should see some of the "penmanship" displayed in them.

djwesp · Post by **djwesp** » Fri May 04, 2007 1:24 pm

TubaRay wrote:Pretty impressive, Wes. There were other errors which you did not highlight. As a high school band director, I have often required students to have letters of recommendation in order to try out for drum major. You should see some of the "penmanship" displayed in them.

The highlights are from one of the parents, not myself.

She was going to go over it and highlight them all, then she just gave up and plastered it all over the internet instead.

djwesp · Post by **djwesp** » Fri May 04, 2007 4:28 pm

To my darling husband,

Before you return from your business trip I just want to let
you know about the small accident I had with the pick up
truck when I turned into the driveway. Fortunately not too
bad and I really didn't get hurt, so please don't worry too
much about me.

I was coming home from Wal-Mart, and when I turned into
the driveway I accidentally pushed down on the accelerator
instead of the brake. The garage door is slightly bent but the
pick up fortunately came to a halt when it bumped into your car.

I am really sorry, but I know with your kindhearted personality
you will forgive me. You know how much I love you and care
for you my sweetheart. I am enclosing a picture for you.

I cannot wait to hold you in my arms again.

Your loving wife.

(now click here)
http://members.cox.net/billy.jack/girlfriend.jpg

LoyalTubist · Post by **LoyalTubist** » Sat May 05, 2007 12:34 pm

I received this in a PM on another forum:

windshieldbug · Post by **windshieldbug** » Sat May 05, 2007 6:08 pm

But WHAT IS a "Health Academy Dean" at a middle school!?