Friday's Funny (but on a Monday) - THE TNFJ Joke Repository

Brassdad · Post by **Brassdad** » Fri Oct 28, 2005 12:41 pm

windshieldbug wrote:Well, often bombs sound better, and even terrorists have sympathizers...

owwww, owwww, OWWWWWWW!

Brassdad · Post by **Brassdad** » Sun Oct 30, 2005 8:35 pm

Did ya hear the one about women and children first?

windshieldbug · Post by **windshieldbug** » Sun Oct 30, 2005 9:11 pm

Why did the violist marry the accordion player?

Upward mobility

TubaRay · Post by **TubaRay** » Sat Nov 05, 2005 2:42 pm

Bill, I don't believe the Hillary joke is political at all. It is simply reality.

SplatterTone · Post by **SplatterTone** » Wed Nov 09, 2005 2:33 am

Let's be thankful that the political correctness and sensitivity police in the USA have kept this kind of advertising trash off our TV sets:

http://t-recs.net/mpegs/movie/cat.mpeg

http://t-recs.net/mpegs/movie/bird.mpeg

Yeah, you remember 'em now, don't you?

SplatterTone · Post by **SplatterTone** » Wed Nov 09, 2005 11:31 am

A Player's Guide for Keeping Conductors in Line

http://www.campoly.com/valvejob/conductor.html

SplatterTone · Post by **SplatterTone** » Thu Nov 10, 2005 1:38 am

OK, that's it!
THESE RIOTS HAVE GONE TOO FAR!!

windshieldbug · Post by **windshieldbug** » Thu Nov 10, 2005 1:43 am

SplatterTone wrote:OK, that's it!
THESE RIOTS HAVE GONE TOO FAR!!

If they were really serious, they would have brought some oxygen with them so they could have burned it, too...

windshieldbug · Post by **windshieldbug** » Fri Nov 11, 2005 2:26 pm

Doc, for a guy from Texas, you're pretty good with that nort midwestern humor...

tubatooter1940 · Post by **tubatooter1940** » Sun Nov 13, 2005 8:33 pm

A man came home from work and called out to his wife,"Honey,bring me a beer before it starts." Puzzled,she brought him a beer. Not long afterward he called her again."Honey bring me another beer.It's going to start any minute."She frowned and brought him another beer.
Once again he called,"Honey would you bring me one more beer before it starts?"She glared at him and shouted,"Who do you think you are-waltzing in here without even saying hello,planting your big fat booty on that couch and yelling for beer.Don't you realize that I cook and clean and wash your clothes all day?
He said,"Oh crap,it's started."

tubeast · Post by **tubeast** » Mon Nov 14, 2005 3:21 am

A man went jogging in the woods, when he passes somebody hugging a tree. He runs closer and asks what the guy was doing.
"IÂ´m hugging a tree to get my self synchronized with nature. ItÂ´s great. You wanna give it a try ?"
The jogger goes to the other side of the tree and hugs it, when suddenly the tree hugger closes handcuffs around the joggerÂ´s wrists, robs him and leaves him naked at the tree.

After several hours, another man walks by and stops as the jogger calls for help. Still in handcuffs, the jogger tells his story.
Reaching for the zipper of his pants, the walker says: "Well, that just ainÂ´t your day today."

tubeast · Post by **tubeast** » Fri Nov 18, 2005 5:36 am

A farmer goes to a hardware store and asks for nails.
Salesman: "How long do you need them ?"
Farmer: "Gee, I didnÂ´t know they could be borrowed..."

tubatooter1940 · Post by **tubatooter1940** » Fri Nov 18, 2005 10:17 am

A husband was in deep trouble for forgetting his wedding anniversary.
His wife told him there had better be something in the driveway tomorrow that goes from zero to two hundred in two seconds flat.
The next day she found a small package in the driveway and opened it. It was a bathroom scale.
The husbands funeral is scheduled for next Saturday.

SplatterTone · Post by **SplatterTone** » Wed Dec 07, 2005 1:10 am

Hey Mister! It's OK if I play your tuba, isn't it?

TubaRay · Post by **TubaRay** » Wed Dec 07, 2005 8:58 am

Now here I am barely awake and I've thrown up all over the computer keyboard. Uuuuuuuuuh!

SplatterTone · Post by **SplatterTone** » Fri Dec 09, 2005 1:12 pm

(The is mostly intended for USA)

Teaching Math In 1950

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His
cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his
profit?

Teaching Math In 1960

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His
cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What
is his profit?

Teaching Math In 1970

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His
cost of production is $80. Did he make a profit?

Teaching Math In 1980

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His
cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20 Your
assignment: Underline the number 20.

Teaching Math In 1990

A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is
selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the
habitat of animals or the preservation of our
woodlands. He does this so he can make a profit of
$20. What do you think of this way of making a living?
Topic for class participation after answering the
question: How did the birds and squirrels feel as the
logger cut down their homes? (There are no wrong
answers.)

Teaching Math In 2005

Un ranchero vende una carretera de madera para $100.
El cuesto de la produccion era $80. Cuantos tortillas
se puede comprar?

TubaRay · Post by **TubaRay** » Fri Dec 09, 2005 4:49 pm

I had heard the USA joke before. It is not funny! Too close to being true for that.

tubatooter1940 · Post by **tubatooter1940** » Mon Dec 12, 2005 9:12 am

A husband and wife were siting together in the living room. The husband says, "Honey, if I ever become dependent on technology to stay alive, I want you to unplug me. I can't stand the idea of being dependent on some machine."
She got up and unplugged the T.V..

ThomasDodd · Post by **ThomasDodd** » Tue Dec 13, 2005 11:27 am

The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged they had covertly funded a project with the U.S. auto makers for the past five years, whereby the auto makers were installing black box voice recorders in four-wheel drive pickup trucks and SUV's in an effort to determine, in fatal accidents, the circumstances in the last 15 seconds
before the crash. They were surprised to find in 43 of the 50 states the last recorded words of drivers in 61.2 percent of fatal crashes were, "Oh, ****!"

Only the states of Oklahoma, Tennessee, South Carolina, North Carolina, Mississippi, Texas, Arkansas, Alabama, West Virgina, and Kentucky were different, where 89.3 percent of the final words were, "Hold my beer, I'm gonna try somethin'."

TubaRay · Post by **TubaRay** » Tue Dec 13, 2005 12:39 pm

ThomasDodd wrote: Only the states of Oklahoma, Tennessee, South Carolina, North Carolina, Mississippi, Texas, Arkansas, Alabama, West Virgina, and Kentucky were different, where 89.3 percent of the final words were, "Hold my beer, I'm gonna try somethin'."

This may also be more truth than fiction.

TubeNet

Friday's Funny (but on a Monday) - THE TNFJ Joke Repository

concerning tree huggers...