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Sorry folks but these had me falling off my perch...........



REAL NEWSPAPER ADS

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 years old. Hateful little dog. Bites.

FREE PUPPIES:
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog.

FREE PUPPIES...
Mother, AKC German Shepherd.
Father, Super Dog...able to leap tall fences in a single
bound.

FOUND DIRTY WHITE DOG.
Looks like a rat ... been out a while.
Better be a reward.

COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED.
Also 1 gay bull for sale.

NORDIC TRACK
$300 Hardly used, call Chubby.

GEORGIA PEACHES
California grown - 89 cents lb.

JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
Must sell washer and dryer £300.

WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE.
WORN ONCE BY MISTAKE.
Call Stephanie.

FOR SALE BY OWNER:
Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes.
Excellent condition.
£1,000 or best offer.
No longer needed, got married last month.
Wife knows everything.



Andrew M

Followed by this one

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground.

He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head.

The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services.

He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?"

The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: "Just take it easy, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."

There is a silence, then a shot is heard.

The guy's voice comes back on the line.

He says: "OK, now what?"




Andrew M

And...............

Two old men playing golf. One's about to tee off when a funeral procession passes by. He stops to take his shot and removes his cap and stands to attention. When the cars pass by he then gets set for taking his shot. The other old man says "That was very good of you to show some respect like that" The man says "well I was married to her for 40 years"



Andrew M

While stopped at an intersection I noticed a man standing on the corner in front of a Burger King. He was holding a sign that read "Will work for food." If he had only looked up, he would have noticed that the Burger King sign directly above him read "Now hiring."

Maybe it was the "Food" part that was the hang-up...

("Will Work For Partially-Hydroginated Vegetable Oil, Carbohydrated Soy Byproducts, Preservatives, Artificial Colors, Flavors, and Sweetening")