Chuck Norris tuba jokes

[MartyNeilan]

Chuck Norris can play a CC tuba with BBb fingerings and all the right notes will still come out.

Chuck Norris can hear the difference between a silver and lacquered tuba, while standing on the flight deck of an aircraft carrier.

Chuck Norris has won every tuba audition, even those he has never taken.

All tuba concertos were composed for Chuck Norris, including those written before he was born.

The CSO Yorks were originally built for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris plays every movement of the New World Symphony.

When Chuck Norris empties his water keys, a flood warning is issued and New Orleans is evacuated.

Chuck Norris played with mute once, but he blew so hard the mute went flying out through the roof.

Bass trombone players are afraid to sit next to Chuck Norris.

A conductor gave Chuck Norris the hand once. Chuck Norris gave him his hand back three weeks later.

any more ideas??

[windshieldbug]

Chuck Noris doesn't sight read. When he looks at the notes on the page, they get so flustered and afraid to face him that they rearrange themselves to match whatever he's playing at the time.

Chuck Norris auditioned for Berlin on an F tuba, but it was so scared that it stretched itself out to a BBb before anyone could check it.

[THE TUBA]

Chuck Norris can play the excerpt from The Fountains without breathing and without using a mouthpiece.

Chuck Norris listens to the complete Ring cycle three times every day.

Chuck Norris plays the solo in Bydlo on a CCC tuba.

Chuck Norris doesn't warm up, he warms down.

An innocent bystander once clapped between movements of a solo Chuck Norris was beasting. Three days later, that bystander was found stuffed into a bottle of blue juice.

Chuck Norris doesn't polish his tuba, he stares at it and dares it to get dirty.

Chuck Norris uses the Goodyear blimp as a breathing bag.

Chuck Norris doesn't practice.

Chuck Norris plays with the Chicago Symphony... while sitting in Berlin!!!

Chuck Norris only listens to Chuck Norris.

Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, tuba related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

Chuck Norris sells his urine as vavle oil.

Chuck Norris does not count his rests, he just plays and dares the orchestra to be wrong.

Chuck Norris invented music.

Chuck Norris was fired from his orchestra 10 years ago, but the conductor was too afraid to tell him.

Chuck Norris plays Cadence for Tuba and Tape without a tape recorder... or a tuba.

...

[windshieldbug]

Chuck Norris has resolved the piston vs. rotary question. It doesn't matter. He just dares a plain bugle to play the wrong note.

[hurricane_harry]

maynar fergison is a hack. it was chuck norris warming up in the back on his 20J.

chuck norris invented the french tuba in a failed attempt to play two euphoniums at the same time

chuck norris does not accumulate spit while playing, ever. when he empties his water key it is accually the tuba pissing itself

chuck norris can play tuba duets with his penis. he has a york and his penis has a nice Eb. he attempted to showcase this talent in a concert , but unfortunatly all the women in the audience instanaiously gave birth to bearded children. chuck still isn't allowed to play for the pope

once chuck norris wiped his *** with manuscript paper. arbans has been selling wonderfully

chuck norris' tuba playing has offically brought piece to the middle east and solved the world energy crisis

chuck norris copied arnold jacobs' helleberg perfectly

[pulseczar]

Chuck Norris played with mute once, but he blew so hard the mute went flying out through the roof.

We now know it as the hale-Bopp comet.


People say that certain tubas play themselves. With Chuck Norris, all tubas play themselves in fear of being roundhouse kicked into the scrap bin.

[windshieldbug]

Chuck Norris perfect circular breathes...

<img src="http://caodai.com/images/taoism1.jpg" width="200">

[oldbandnerd]

Chuck Norris doesn't use valve oil ....his horn wouldn't dare lock up on him .

Chuck Norris's silverplate finish does not tarnish when he sweats on it .... it turns to gold .

When he sweats on the gold it turns to platnum .

Chuck Norris never sweats ....He doesn't have to .