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I'm one of those guys who buys plaques with witty sayings on them and puts them up on my office wall.

If you notice:

People whom we usually consider funny usually say very serious stuff. Dr. Seuss and Steve Martin are a couple of good examples. Mr. Martin can be funny but if you have ever seen what he is like in real life, he is extremely serious.

There are those funny people who criticize what they do for a living. I loved the recent quote I put up in my signature by Jimmy Durante, a comedian, actor, pianist, and novelty song writer. He said, "I hate music, especially when it's played." I think we have all felt like that at one time or another.

Then there's the quote I have at this time. You wouldn't have expected the reggae artist, Bob Marley to have any positive comments about Richard Wagner, but he did.

This is a good place to post any witty quotes by any famous people.

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Right now I'm scrambling to see if we can borrow sousaphones. You just can't all of a sudden go out and pick one up.
Heavyweight Boxer Ken Norton
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Chemistry can be a good and bad thing. Chemistry is good when you make love with it. Chemistry is bad when you make crack with it.
Adam Sandler

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I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.
Groucho Marx

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If you can't explain it simply, you don't understand it well enough
Albert Einstein

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"Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar."
-Sigmund Freud

"Everybody always complains about the weather, but nobody ever does anything about it."
-Mark Twain

"Oh $hit!" - George Armstrong Custer

Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
-- Benjamin Franklin

See signature block.

I like the Einstein one. Here's another from him that I've been referring to in my studies:
Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not one bit simpler.

2 I like but from newer sources:

"No good deed goes unpunished" - Wicked Witch of the West

"Revenge is a dish best served cold" - Montgomery Burns

Tubaryan12 wrote:
"Revenge is a dish best served cold" - Montgomery Burns

Khan quoted this as "An Old Klingon Saying" in Star Trek II.

I think the Nitpicker's Guide said it's older than that, although I can't remember the origin offhand.

Doug "returning to geekland now"

Abraham Lincoln

--Allow the president to invade a neighboring nation, whenever he shall deem it necessary to repel an invasion, and you allow him to do so whenever he may choose to say he deems it necessary for such a purpose - and you allow him to make war at pleasure.

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Will Rogers

--If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?

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William Shakespeare

--When we are born we cry that we are come to this great stage of fools.

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William Faulkner

--I believe that man will not merely endure. He will prevail. He is immortal, not because he alone among creatures has an inexhaustible voice, but because he has a soul, a spirit capable of compassion and sacrifice and endurance.

--"I discovered that writing was a mighty fine thing," he says; it enabled you "to make men stand on their hind legs and cast a shadow."

--I would say that music is the easiest means in which to express, but since words are my talent, I must try to express clumsily in words what the pure music would have done better.

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Yogi Berra

--Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.

"Either extreme, of love or hate, is sweeter than a calm estate"
-Thomas Carew, Mediocrity in Love Rejected

"People sleep peaceably at night because wild men stand ready to do violence on their behalf "
- George Orwell

"Music should strike fire from the heart of man, and bring tears from the eyes of woman."
- Ludwig Van Beethoven

We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit."
- Aristotle

"Music expresses that which cannot be said and on which it is impossible to be silent."
- Victor Hugo

"It is important to remember that the French have always been there when they needed us." --Alan Kent

"First thing in the morning, swallow a live toad. That way, nothing worse will happen to you the entire day."
-unknown

"There are really only two ways to approach life--as a victim or as a gallant warrior--and you must decide if you want to act or react, deal your own cards or play with a stacked deck. And if you don't decide which way to play with life, it always plays with you." Merel Shain

"Some days, the bear will eat you. Somedays, you eat the bear". Joan Armadrading

"Growing older but not up, my metobolic rate is plesantly stuck. Let the winds of time blow over my head, I'd rather die while I'm living than live while I'm dead." Jimmy Buffett

:“Rock journalism is people who can't write, interviewing people who can't talk, for people who can't read.â€

"Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity."

--Albert Einstein

Why is it that you park your car on a driveway, and drive your car on a parkway? - George Carlin

"Patriotism is the virtue of the vicious"

"Selfishness is not living as you wish to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live."

"Seriousness is the refuge of the shallow"


-Oscar Wilde.

I drank what!?
- Socrates

Women!-- You can't live with 'em, ... pass the beer nuts!

- Norm Peterson

I have some quotations of my own that, possibly, I stole from someone else... but I still take credit...

First impressions last forever.

To learn to ride a bicycle, you have to learn how to fall down. Don't be afraid to fall, I will catch you. (something I say to all my students, whatever I am teaching)

If love is never selfish, then what most people call self-love really isn't love at all... It's self hatred. The Bible says to love others as we love ourselves... To me this means some people have the whole idea of loving yourself wrong...

If you must cheat, always remember to cheat fairly.

Intelligence and wisdom often get confused.