The State Mental Hospital voice mail system

[ken k]

"Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital."

Please select from the following options menu:

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press,nothing will make you happy anyway.

If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.

If you are bipolar, plea se leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss,press 9.

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up - our operators are too busy to talk with you.

If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. You won't be crazy forever.

If you are blonde, don't press any buttons, you'll just mess it up.


This coming week is National Mental Health Care week. You can do your part by remembering to contact at least one unstable person to show you care.

Well, my job is done .....Your turn!

[iiipopes]

Remember, just because your paranoid doesn't mean that they're not out to get you!

[iiipopes]

OK, so the masochist goes up to the sadist and pleads, "Oh, please, please, hit me, beat me, abuse me, kick me when I'm down, make me write bad checks...."

The sadist looks straight into the masochist's eyes and with the icy cold stare simply says, "No."

[Chuck Jackson]

Roses are Red
Violets are Blue
I'm Schizophrenic
And so am I




Nice day, don't we?

Chuck

[windshieldbug]

I believe this has already been posted before -
viewtopic.php?t=24565

What part of obsessive-compulsive don't you get!?