Coming home for the final time

[Brassdad]

Tough story to tell, but gotta put it down.
Today I bring my wife of 25 years 337 days home from ICU at Wright-Patterson AFB. She's been battling breast cancer for the last 5 years.
She's no stranger to the big C. She whupped ovarian cancer in 1993. No Chemo, No Radiation...just surgery. What's more she had our second child after.
She found her lump in January 2004 and in Feb it was diagnosed positively as cancer. This time she had to undergo a lumpectomy, radiation, and chemo. Took the better part of a year to get everything done, but she showed clear....2 for 2! But 6 months later at her first routine follow-up they found it had matastacized on her sacrum (the bones at the base of the spine that connects the hips making up the pelvis. It had mingled in amung the nerves leading to her legs and was in-operable. This time just a BIG dose of radiation and right into chemo....
Now I was scared more than ever before. I had never given it a thought she couldn't beat the other two, but this had me worried. I still thought she could pull it off.
After a couple of weeks, they did a full body scan and found it had also attatched to her liver. Now I was crushed. Because of the type of cancer, and all she had been through so far, this was in-operable as well. They changed her chemo. Over the last 2+ years she has been on 5 different chemo drugs I can remember. Some held the tumors steady, a couple even shrank the major ones. But noting could stop the damn thing.
The woman is a rock and through it all she kept up with the kids in Band (son), Girlscouts (daughter), family trips, church volunteer work, and all the day to day things. But the last 4 months have been telling. She's been on a slow roller coaster of bad and good periods. But the last 3 weeks have been all down hill. She went in for a routine check up on the 2nd and they put her directly in ICU. Her chemo doc gave her "maybe a few weeks". The ICU doc had it a 2 days. Her summation was along the lines of "screw these guys", and assures us she will get better.
Over the week she has started to leave us. ( but still denies she is )
Last night she reached the point where they could take her off of all the IVs they had in her (8 at one count). This morning she comes home. We have hospice coming over for the first 24 hours and maybe the first 72.
This woman is amazing - why didn't I appreciate this fact years earlier - the out pouring from friends who are now located throughout this nation and in several places world wide is phenominal.
We are here because we knew it was going to be tough at times and 80% of the family is within a 2 hour drive. Now this factor that decided between a job in Amarillo and Cincinatti is critical - for me.
Had the serious talk the other night with the kids.
My son (nearly 17) was not suprised and is being strong (whether for me, his mom, or himself I don't know). But I am making sure to keep him involved in everything with his music and anything else. He wanted me to know he's not trying to hide his emotions, but just isn't sure what to do/feel.
My daughter (nearly 11) took it much harder. But we spend an hour crying/hugging/talking. I let her know what I was feeling. We talked about how it was okay to be scared, to be mad, to be sad, afraid, confused. But I also let her know it was okay to be happy and not be guilty over that.
Anyway - today she is coming home in preparation for her final home.
She's still saying she'll whup this. And like the character in Monte Python and the Holy Grail, letting everyone know that "She's not dead yet!"
God I lover her!

[dwaskew]

My family's thoughts and prayers are with you and yours. I cannot fathom your strength, and feel for your despair.

Dennis

[TubaRay]

I'm sure I have nothing to say to you that would be any benefit to you. You are fortunate to have had her for the almost 26 years that you have. It sounds like she is quite a wonderful lady. I will pray for you and your family.

[tbn.al]

Don't know what to say. My prayers are with you and your family. May you find the peace that passes all understanding.

[Rick Oakes]

Brassdad,
I am adding your wife, your family, and you to my prayers.

-----Rick Oakes

[The Jackson]

Brassdad, I am praying for you and your family. Your strength through this is extraordinary.

-Jackson

[OldsRecording]

I'll pray for you and your family as well. Yes, everybody else has said the same thing, but one cannot have too many people praying for them.

[windshieldbug]

My prayers, for all of you, as well!

[Chadtuba]

I will be in prayer too. I lost my father at Thanksgiving to cancer so I do feel your pain.

[eupher61]

Thanks for letting us know about your situation. While there's little we can say, even less we can do, please keep in mind that the collective thoughts and/or prayers of many in this little world are with you, brassdad, and brassmom and brasskids.

[iiipopes]

Thanks for sharing. Thoughts and prayers are with you.

[TMurphy]

I don't know what to say, other than my thoughts are with you in these tough times.

[Brassdad]

Thanks to all of you. I appreciate the deep regard and positive out pouring from the TNFJ. Pat has been home for 7 hours. It's amazing the peace that is through the house right now.
Have had several family members in already and others lining up. Expect the neighbors, church friends, band families, and a host of others to start the weekend off right.
She has continued to throw me for a loop (of course she has been doing this since we first met). She is looking better than she has for several days. Strength is not there yet....but I wouldn't be suprised to see sme come back.
Trying not to fool myself, it is really up to God on how long she gets to stay. I don't want her here anly longer than God will keep her comfortable and happy...but a miraculous healing would not be turned down. 28 days would make it to our 26th anniversary (4 July).
Prayer is great! I have been at a peace in the last few hours that I haven't had in many a day.

No obligation to respond. THis is just part of my coping skills. I know that i am in no way the only one going thorugh this. Nor will I be the last.

It has done a lot to open my heart over the years to those with cancer. I can never hear about ANY ONE being diagnosed with it and not feel hurt.

Thanks again

[chipster55]

Brassdad, I can't add much to what's already been said - you & your family are in my prayers. Stay strong. Romans 15:13

[TubaRay]

You post here all you need. Send out emails or PMs or whatever you need to do. While we of this community are mostly just words on a screen to you, we are all real people and we all are moved by your wife's story. Share it whenever you need to unload. There are real hearts and minds behind all the text on the screen.

Wade has it pegged, here. After a fashion, we are a sort of family, too. Despite the flames and other seemingly unfriendly things that are sometimes posted, I believe we come to care for each other here. God be with you.

[Todd S. Malicoate]

Thank you for the story, Brassdad. I was quite literally moved to tears, and I called my mom tonight, which I don't do nearly often enough.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. You are indeed an inspiration.

[bearphonium]

BrassDad,
Can't say anything that hasn't already been said. I will add her to my sister list (on my pink wrist band) and know that you are all in my thoughts.

Ally

[The Big Ben]

T
Trying not to fool myself, it is really up to God on how long she gets to stay. I don't want her here anly longer than God will keep her comfortable and happy...but a miraculous healing would not be turned down. 28 days would make it to our 26th anniversary (4 July).

You never know... It sounds like she's not going to go until she's ready to go. She must really love you and her family.

Take care.

[tofu]

--

[tubatooter1940]

We pray you wil be given the strength and resources to see all whom you love through this.