Puns!

[ken k]

Ok we've had jokes, limericks, even haiku. How about some puns....

I used to be a ballet dancer, but found it too-too difficult.
I used to be a butler, but found the work wasn't my cup of tea.
I used to be a carpenter, but then I got bored.
I used to work for H&R Block, but it was just too taxing.
I used to be a part-time hairdresser, but I wanted something more permanent.
I used to be a lumberjack, but then I got the axe.
I used to be a tennis instructor, but it just wasn't my racket.
I used to be a transplant surgeon, but my heart just wasn't in it.
I used to work for Victoria's Secret, but then I got a pink slip.


k

[tubatooter1940]

John Reno and I are guilty of mucho puns in this vocal duet:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kxajh5ZzKPA" target="_blank

[windshieldbug]

They wanted me to conduct, but there were too many strings attached.

I made a list of ten really bad puns. I gave then to my wife. You'd think that she'd find at least one humorous, but no pun in ten did.

[jmerring]

I used to be a tuba player, but I so low

[DonShirer]

I used to be a tuba player but I blew it?

[Chuck Jackson]

I went for a tramp in the woods but he got away.

[ken k]

There once was a pun written in haiku....

[Nick Pierce]

There once was a pun written in haiku....

Which we then put in a shoe (???)

[windshieldbug]

Puns are not funny.
Puns are merely cleverness.

So was calling our old Music Director "the diode".
He never figured out that he was being called a semi-conductor.

[tubatooter1940]

My wife told me my hair is getting thin. I told her, "That's okay. Who wants fat hair?"

[TubaCoopa]

At marching band practice one day, our band captain told everyone, "Alright guys, let's get intense!" To which I responded, "But what if we left our tents at home?"

[windshieldbug]

At marching band practice one day, our band captain told everyone, "Alright guys, let's get intense!" To which I responded, "But what if we left our tents at home?"

Then, you could only get inleantos.

[tubatooter1940]

Guy tells his psychiatrist, " Doc, I keep having this same dream night after night. First I'm a teepee then I'm a wigwam, then I'm a teepee and then I'm a wigwam. What does it all mean?"
The doctor said, "You're two tents (too tense)."

[windshieldbug]

I knew a man who jumped out of a plane without a parahute.
The fall didn't hurt him though, he was wearing his "light Fall" suit.

Huh. I thought he was wearing his "heavy Spring" suit.

[Brucom]

She was only the stableman's daughter, but all the horsemen knew 'er.

[ken k]

Time flies like an arrow....

Fruit flies like bananas....

ken "so sorry" k

[eupher61]

A 'C', an E-flat, and a 'G' go into a bar. The bartender says: "Sorry, but we don't serve minors." So, the E-flat leaves, and the C and the G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished: the G is out flat. An F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough.
A D comes into the bar and heads straight for the bathroom saying, "Excuse me. I'll just be a second." An A comes into the bar, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor. Then the bartender notices a B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and exclaims: "Get out now! You're the seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight."
The E-flat, not easily deflated, comes back to the bar the next night in a 3-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender says: "You're looking sharp tonight, come on in! This could be a major development." This proves to be the case, as the E-flat takes off the suit, and everything else, and stands there au natural.
Eventually, the C sobers up, and realizes in horror that he's under a rest. The C is brought to trial, is found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an upscale correctional facility. On appeal, however, the C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental, and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless.

[windshieldbug]

Don't join dangerous cults,
Practice safe sects!


I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island,
but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian

[tubatooter1940]

I was wondering why the baseball was getting larger.
Then it hit me.

[Teubonium]

Are footnotes played on a shoe horn?