TubeNet

Ok we've had jokes, limericks, even haiku. How about some puns....

I used to be a ballet dancer, but found it too-too difficult.
I used to be a butler, but found the work wasn't my cup of tea.
I used to be a carpenter, but then I got bored.
I used to work for H&R Block, but it was just too taxing.
I used to be a part-time hairdresser, but I wanted something more permanent.
I used to be a lumberjack, but then I got the axe.
I used to be a tennis instructor, but it just wasn't my racket.
I used to be a transplant surgeon, but my heart just wasn't in it.
I used to work for Victoria's Secret, but then I got a pink slip.


k

John Reno and I are guilty of mucho puns in this vocal duet:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kxajh5ZzKPA" target="_blank

They wanted me to conduct, but there were too many strings attached.

I made a list of ten really bad puns. I gave then to my wife. You'd think that she'd find at least one humorous, but no pun in ten did.

I used to be a tuba player, but I so low

I used to be a tuba player but I blew it?

I went for a tramp in the woods but he got away.

There once was a pun written in haiku....

ken k wrote:There once was a pun written in haiku....

Which we then put in a shoe (???)

the elephant wrote:Puns are not funny.
Puns are merely cleverness.

So was calling our old Music Director "the diode".
He never figured out that he was being called a semi-conductor.

My wife told me my hair is getting thin. I told her, "That's okay. Who wants fat hair?"

At marching band practice one day, our band captain told everyone, "Alright guys, let's get intense!" To which I responded, "But what if we left our tents at home?"

TubaCoopa wrote:At marching band practice one day, our band captain told everyone, "Alright guys, let's get intense!" To which I responded, "But what if we left our tents at home?"

Then, you could only get inleantos.

Guy tells his psychiatrist, " Doc, I keep having this same dream night after night. First I'm a teepee then I'm a wigwam, then I'm a teepee and then I'm a wigwam. What does it all mean?"
The doctor said, "You're two tents (too tense)."

schlepporello wrote:I knew a man who jumped out of a plane without a parahute.
The fall didn't hurt him though, he was wearing his "light Fall" suit.

Huh. I thought he was wearing his "heavy Spring" suit.

She was only the stableman's daughter, but all the horsemen knew 'er.

Time flies like an arrow....

Fruit flies like bananas....

ken "so sorry" k

A 'C', an E-flat, and a 'G' go into a bar. The bartender says: "Sorry, but we don't serve minors." So, the E-flat leaves, and the C and the G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished: the G is out flat. An F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough.
A D comes into the bar and heads straight for the bathroom saying, "Excuse me. I'll just be a second." An A comes into the bar, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor. Then the bartender notices a B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and exclaims: "Get out now! You're the seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight."
The E-flat, not easily deflated, comes back to the bar the next night in a 3-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender says: "You're looking sharp tonight, come on in! This could be a major development." This proves to be the case, as the E-flat takes off the suit, and everything else, and stands there au natural.
Eventually, the C sobers up, and realizes in horror that he's under a rest. The C is brought to trial, is found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an upscale correctional facility. On appeal, however, the C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental, and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless.

Don't join dangerous cults,
Practice safe sects!


I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island,
but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian

I was wondering why the baseball was getting larger.
Then it hit me.

Are footnotes played on a shoe horn?