The Bellicose Thread

[TubaCoopa]

AAARGH!!!! I'M SO ANGRY, I PUT ON CAPS LOCK AND DIDN'T EVEN CONSIDER USING PARENTHESES!!!!!!!! I'M NOT REALLY SURE WHY, THOUGH. I GUESS I GOT CAUGHT UP IN THE MOMENT, BUT YOU BETTER NOT HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THAT!!!!!!!!

[tbn.al]

i am going to report you to mr.'s vernon, moore and maddox. they have this copywrited you know.

[windshieldbug]

COME ON JOE! GETA LITTLE MORE PUGNACIOUS AT LEAST!

[Chuck Jackson]

WILL ALL OF YOU BE QUIET, PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO SLEEP............................

[bearphonium]

SHUT THE *#&$ UP AND RANT!! WHO CARES ABOUT WHAT #(%& YOU'RE RANTING ABOUT??

[TexTuba]

LOUD NOISES!!!!!!!!!!!

[MartyNeilan]

I think if they ever do an Al Gore biopic, Alec Baldwin should star:

[tbn.al]

I think if they ever do an Al Gore biopic, Alec Baldwin should star:

Wow! ' not only a match in appearance and viewpoint, but in IQ as well !

You sure are ugly to your fellow Tenneseeans. It reminds me of my attitude towards some of my fellow Arkansans.

BTW your signature is offensive.

[windshieldbug]

WOW! DOES AL GORE HAVE TO YELL AT HIS DAUGHTER, TOO!?

[Chuck Jackson]

Hey, ya'll better quiet before I call the cops. Man, this used to be such a nice neighborhood...

[Chuck Jackson]

@c!$+ @$$h013

Your father was Democrat and your mother was too...................

Chuck"if smearing is good enough for the two Bozo's running, then it's good enough for me"Jackson

[Todd S. Malicoate]

WILL YOU PEOPLE SHUT THE &*%^ UP? SOME OF US ARE TRYING TO RECORD OUR NEW CDs, FOR &%*$'S SAKE!!!

By the way, my new CD is called "Vain Ride on a Swellheaded Machine." You can hear a new arrangement of "Flight of the Bumblebee" on an Antoine Courtois six valve French tuba in C....really, really fast! I'll also be recording the John Williams Concerto two octaves higher than written on a 6/4 Bb tuba at quarter=240 or so...great stuff! It'll be out by Christmas...don't miss this one! Bigheaded, narcissistic T-shirts are available, too!

NOW SHUT THE *&%^ UP!!!

[OldsRecording]

My complaint about The Bellicose Thread
Do you ever wake up in the morning thinking, "The Bellicose Thread is trying to hold itself up as a cultural icon?" Well, so do I. First off, The Bellicose Thread complains a lot. What's ironic, though, is that it hasn't made even a single concrete suggestion for improvement or identified a single problem with the system as it exists today.

If The Bellicose Thread doesn't realize that it's generally considered bad style to preach fear and ignorance, then it should read one of the many self-help books on the subject. I recommend it buy one with big print and lots of pictures. Maybe then The Bellicose Thread will grasp the concept that when I'm through with it it'll think twice before attempting to use "pressure tactics" -- that's a euphemism for "torture" -- to coerce ordinary people into forcing me to experience psychological stress or "cognitive dissonance". Scores of people just like you have finally decided that they've had enough of The Bellicose Thread's disquisitions. While this lighthearted statement adds sorely needed humor to an otherwise tense situation, The Bellicose Thread recently got caught red-handed trying to calumniate helpless lugs. Well, surprise, surprise, surprise, as Gomer Pyle would say. The whole premise of The Bellicose Thread's inveracities is false, and its arguments are specious at best.

Look at it from my point of view: The Bellicose Thread contends that you and I are inferior to bloody-minded smut peddlers and that, therefore, it is a martyr for freedom and a victim of frotteurism. This bizarre pattern of thinking leads to strange conclusions. For example, it convinces Pecksniffian, obdurate casuists (as distinct from the morbid, caustic ruffians who prefer to chirrup while hopping from cloud to cloud in Nephelococcygia) that this is the best of all possible worlds and that The Bellicose Thread is the best of all possible organizations. In reality, contrariwise, I once told The Bellicose Thread that it needs some serious professional help. How did it respond to that? It proceeded to curse me off using a number of colorful expletives not befitting this letter, which serves only to show that The Bellicose Thread is so tied up in its personal dreams that it is oblivious to what is happening in the world around it. But I digress. If I seem a bit delusional, it's only because I'm trying to communicate with The Bellicose Thread on its own level. Now that you've reached the end of this letter, let me leave you with the key take-away message: Ethnocentrism is correctly defined by its abysmal style, structure, and methods, not by its stated or apparent ideological premises or goals.

[lgb&dtuba]

You guys don't even know the meaning of the word bellicose.

[Uncle Buck]

I WANT HIM BROUGHT RIGHT HERE, WITH A BIG RIBBON ON HIS HEAD, AND I WANT TO LOOK HIM STRAIGHT IN THE EYE AND I WANT TO TELL HIM WHAT A CHEAP, LYING, NO-GOOD, ROTTEN, FOUR-FLUSHING, LOW-LIFE, SNAKE-LICKING, DIRT-EATING, INBRED, OVERSTUFFED, IGNORANT, BLOOD-SUCKING, DOG-KISSING, BRAINLESS, D$*#LESS, HOPELESS, HEARTLESS, FAT-A$$ED, BUG-EYED, STIFF-LEGGED, WORM-HEADED SACK OF MONKEY S&*# HE IS! HALLELUJAH! HOLY S@#*! WHERE'S THE TYLENOL?

[OldsRecording]

You guys don't even know the meaning of the word bellicose.

I sure as hell do. Wanna make something of it? Huh? C'mon, punk- you and me right now! Waddaya, CHICKEN?

[OldsRecording]

My Complaint about The Elephant
The theme of this letter is not "There's no indication that The Elephant's mercenaries will ever maximize our individual potential for effectiveness and success in combatting The Elephant." By now, you've already heard countless arguments running in that vein and are probably pretty sick of them. The theme of this letter is "Sadism is, at its core, a pretentious system that seeks to concoct a version of reality that fully contradicts real life." For complete details, I refer you to my forthcoming book on the subject. I shall here mention only a few random items that may be new or especially interesting to you. For instance, it's easy to tell if The Elephant's lying. If its lips are moving, it's lying.

If I seem a bit intolerant, it's only because I'm trying to communicate with The Elephant on its own level. We must show The Elephant that we are not powerless pedestrians on the asphalt of life. We must show it that we can provide a trenchant analysis of its smear tactics. Maybe then The Elephant will realize that it claims to be fighting for equality. What The Elephant's really fighting for, however, is equality in degradation, by which I mean that I welcome The Elephant's comments. However, The Elephant needs to realize that it knows how to lie. It's too bad it doesn't yet understand the ramifications of lying.

When The Elephant says that we should be grateful for the precious freedom to be robbed and kicked in the face by such a noble creature as it, in its mind, that's supposed to end the argument. It's like it believes it has said something very profound. It is immature and stupid of The Elephant to pursue a twofold credo of pharisaism and feudalism. It would be mature and intelligent, however, to do what needs to be done, and that's why I say that it has a talent for inventing fantasy worlds in which a book of its writings would be a good addition to the Bible. Then again, just because The Elephant is a prolific fantasist doesn't mean that it is better that a hundred thousand people should perish than that it should be even slightly inconvenienced. If I were a complete sap, I'd believe The Elephant's line that unfounded attacks on character, loads of hyperbole, and fallacious information are the best way to make a point. Unfortunately for it, I realize that the unalterable law of biology has a corollary that is generally overlooked. Specifically, The Elephant wants us to believe that there should be publicly financed centers of autism. How stupid does it think we are? It would take days to give the complete answer to that question but the gist of it is that The Elephant should slither back under whatever rock it crawled out from. To cap that off, if The Elephant were as bright as it thinks it is, it'd know that it may have access to weapons of mass destruction. Then again, I consider The Elephant to be a weapon of mass destruction itself.

The Elephant has certainly never given evidence of thinking extensively. Or at all, for that matter. While self-justification may motivate haughty troglodytes, the same campaigns of malice and malignity also work well for ill-bred, featherbrained lowbrows.

Why is The Elephant forcing me to walk around with a mountain of pain and suffering welled up inside me? It says it's doing it for some worthy cause. In reality, The Elephant's doing it because I want to thank it for its ramblings. They give me an excellent opportunity to illustrate just how shameless The Elephant can be. Lastly, for those who read this letter, I honestly hope you take it to heart and pass this message on to others.

[MartyNeilan]

"What a stroker..." ~V. Putin

[ken k]

What you lookin' at????

[ken k]

You lookin' at me???