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I'll never have a job in a symphony orchestra, unless it's in Israel, so I guess this package won't help, despite my fabulous qualifications.

I wonder if the government will be giving tuba package handouts to nonprofit Church tubists? Not that I need another 6/4 tuba.

h[url]ttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ehy-c4vytws[/url]

I hope this stimulus package passes with flying colors!

(I'll start eating junk food heavily now, just in case...)

Well, heck, I'll take the horn, but do I really have to move to Detroit?? Can't I get a stipend for studio time, record my parts here, and send them a tape to play along with the performance??? I'll even pay for the cardboard cut-out of me for them to stick in the back row (though I will, of course, be taking a tax deduction for said cut-out).

the elephant wrote:I qualify right now. Where do I go to get my "entitlements" anyway, Joe?

And I will hire a proxy for the Detroit residency.

But...can you deduct your proxy's salary as a business expense??

No orchestra in their right mind would have me as their tuba player. I would be in over my head as deep as our beloved congress is with all that money (still a finite amount) to pass around and so many with their hands in the air.

"Send the strong stomachs down to Detroit City. Takes lots of guts to live there."
From "Body Parts" By Pat Dailey

[quote="tubatooter1940"]No orchestra in their right mind would have me as their tuba player. I would be in over my head as deep as our beloved congress is with all that money (still a finite amount) to pass around and so many with their hands in the air.

Hands in the air? Don't you mean in our collective pockets?
And, Bloke, would we actually have to PLAY in the orchestra in Detroit, or could we just show up when they pass out the subsidy?

Scooby Tuba wrote:

TMurphy wrote:Well, heck, I'll take the horn, but do I really have to move to Detroit??

This from a guy in NJ???

Wait a little bit, there,Buster! Yes, we have AC, Camden and Newark [and Jersey City and Union and Paterson and Trenton, et al]
, but we're not in Detroit's league yet!

Scooby Tuba wrote:

TMurphy wrote:Well, heck, I'll take the horn, but do I really have to move to Detroit??

This from a guy in NJ???

Not only that, a guy from NORTHERN NJ....the ugly part!!!

But seriously, I'd rather live here than Detroit, that's for sure. At least here I can get a decent pizza. And isn't pizza, really, what life is about???

TMurphy wrote:

Scooby Tuba wrote:

TMurphy wrote:Well, heck, I'll take the horn, but do I really have to move to Detroit??

This from a guy in NJ???

Not only that, a guy from NORTHERN NJ....the ugly part!!!

But seriously, I'd rather live here than Detroit, that's for sure. At least here I can get a decent pizza. And isn't pizza, really, what life is about???

One of the few times I feel I get a break living in South Jersey---Newark and Paterson trump AC and Camden any day! At least down here we don't have to move cemeteries to build Parkways!

One of the few times I feel I get a break living in South Jersey---Newark and Paterson trump AC and Camden any day! At least down here we don't have to move cemeteries to build Parkways!

Gotta take issue with that one. Newark and Paterson combined don't equal Camden, with the highest Murder rate in the country. And no, no moving cemetaries...just cut a big path through the emptiness of the Pine Barrens.

will these new tubas be taxed as income???


ken "begining my weight training ASAP...." k

funny thing, there is a weight loss ad on the right column claiming to help me lose 43 lbs, but I need to gain 43....

another question, do we have to pay our mortgage the month we receive the tuba????

ken k wrote:funny thing, there is a weight loss ad on the right column claiming to help me lose 43 lbs, but I need to gain 43....

Weight loss ads??? I get an ad for the latest bathing suits, with a bikini-clad woman...

I think I'm a bit better off...

TMurphy wrote:

One of the few times I feel I get a break living in South Jersey---Newark and Paterson trump AC and Camden any day! At least down here we don't have to move cemeteries to build Parkways!

Gotta take issue with that one. Newark and Paterson combined don't equal Camden, with the highest Murder rate in the country. And no, no moving cemetaries...just cut a big path through the emptiness of the Pine Barrens.

Really? When we go back to Straight St. in Paterson---my wife's grandmother used to run a general store there---she just cries at the neighborhood.
And, ain't emptiness a wonderful thing? We actually have room to breathe--and the air doesn't smell like Secaucus!

TMurphy wrote:Weight loss ads??? I get an ad for the latest bathing suits, with a bikini-clad woman...

I think I'm a bit better off...

Nice ad, too.

The only stimulus package I need:

+ +

ken k wrote:another question, do we have to pay our mortgage the month we receive the tuba????

"You betcha!"

scottw wrote:Really? When we go back to Straight St. in Paterson---my wife's grandmother used to run a general store there---she just cries at the neighborhood.
And, ain't emptiness a wonderful thing? We actually have room to breathe--and the air doesn't smell like Secaucus!

I never said Paterson was a nice place...it definitely isn't. But Camden has the highest murder rate in the country, so it wins.

And I believe the smell you are referring to comes from Linden and Elizabeth, not Secaucus. The residential neighborhoods in Secaucus are actually very nice, quiet areas, surprisingly enough (I have an Aunt there).

South Jersey is nice, though...I wouldn't mind living there, if it wasn't for all the Philly fans...

South Jersey is nice, though...I wouldn't mind living there, if it wasn't for all the Philly fans...
-------speaks a frustrated Muts fan! Money can't buy happiness or a pennant.

Mets??? Do you even see my avatar??? HIGHLY offended, sir, highly offended....

I've got nothing against any Philly team, no sir...but the fans, they're the worst in sports. (Booing Santa Claus??? Seriously???)

TMurphy wrote:(Booing Santa Claus??? Seriously???)

Get it right good sir! We not only booed Santa Claus, but we threw snowballs at him!