Worst. Jokes. Ever.

[fenne1ca]

Band directors (and musicians in general) are notorious for terrible jokes. What are some of your favorites? My current favorite is "Euphonium? I hardly know him!"

[The Jackson]

tuba player walks into a bar and the bartender says

Get out or I will call the police.

[OldsRecording]

image001.jpg

[windshieldbug]

Why do cowboys ride horses?
Because they're too heavy to carry.

[bearphonium]

What do you get when you toss a piano down a mine shaft? Ab minor

[Brucom]

Redneck humor:

Q: Why is my hand like a lemon pie?
A: Because I got "meringue" on it.

(my ring, with a redneck accent)

[iiipopes]

OK, so you heard about the one where two tuba players go into a bar and...

Wait, that's not a joke...that's REALITY!

[windshieldbug]

Music is not very easy to understand. Unless you're a short person.

[eupher61]

The very short form, with {fill in your own blank places}...the longer this one becomes, the worse, and better, it is.

A 7th grader's walking down the school hallway, sees a buddy, goes over to him and says "you know what you are, you're a purple banana."

The buddy punches him, a fight breaks out.
{Teacher, principal, parent, all are upset about the 'purple banana' part of this, and the kid is expelled and disowned}

The kid gets a job, is a millionaire by the time he's 21. One day he's sitting in a bar, and tells the bartender the story of his whole life {repeat everything you just filled in} and ends, crying, with "and all this time I still have no idea what a purple banana is."
The bartender {tells him about a pub in France, he knows the owner will know about the purple banana} So he hops on his private jet and flies to the pub in France. The pub owner tells him to move in, and when the shade on the window across the street goes down and up 3 times, run over knock on the door, and whoever is there will tell him what a purple banana is.

YEARS go by, and {every few years, the shade goes down once...pause...and up once} Finally after the third time, {the kid runs out of the pub}, crosses the street, and gets hit by a diesel truck.

+++++++++++++++===
I think my personal record for telling this was almost 15 minutes.

[NickJones]

- - - Breaking News - - -

President Sarkosy has officially raised the French terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". There are only two higher levels in France - "Surrender" and "Collaborate".

The rise was precipitated by a recent fire which destroyed France's white flag factory - effectively crippling their military - - - Reuters

[Tuba Guy]

So these two tuba players walk past a bar...well, it could happen

[windshieldbug]

"Doc, I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home".
"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"It's not unusual."

[PDCIITuba]

Hey why is 6 afraid of 7

because 7 8 9 ahh hahaha

[OldsRecording]

How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?
That's not funny!

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Only one, but it takes a long time and the lightbulb has to really want to change.

How many Zen masters does it take to change a lightbulb?
One to change the lightbulb and one not to change the lightbulb.

[windshieldbug]

How many Zen masters does it take to change a lightbulb?

A tree in a golden forest.

How many Taoists does it take to change a light bulb?
You cannot change a light bulb. By its nature it will go out again.

[Kevin Hendrick]

How many Zen masters does it take to change a lightbulb?

A tree in a golden forest.

How many Taoists does it take to change a light bulb?
You cannot change a light bulb. By its nature it will go out again.

"First there is a lightbulb,
Then there is no lightbulb,
Then there is ... "

[k001k47]

So a pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel sticking out of his pants and the bartender says,
"Hey, you've got a big steering wheel sticking out of your pants."
"ARRRGGHH it's drivin' me nuts!", replies the pirate

[NickJones]

How do you make a dead cat float?????

Two Scoops of ice cream , one scoop of Dead Cat!!

What's the title of the Da Vinci Code film sequel?
I know what you did last supper.....

[OldsRecording]

A king is brought three glasses, two full and one empty. What is the king's name?

Phillip the Third!

[tubatooter1940]

This one will get you a butt whippin':

What is the perfect birthday gift for a dead baby?
A dead puppy.