TubeNet

> New Musical Terms
>
> Obligato - being forced to practice
>
> Metronome - short, city musician who can fit into a Honda Civic
>
> Lento - the days leading up to Easto
>
> Largo - beer brewed in Germany for the Florida Keys
>
> Piu Animato - clean out the cat's litter box
>
> Con Spirito - drunk again
>
> Colla Voce - this shirt is so tight I can't sing
>
> Improvisation - what you do when the music falls down
>
> Prelude - warm-up before the clever stuff
>
> Flats - English apartments
>
> Chords - things organists play with one finger
>
> Discords - thing that organists play with two fingers
>
> Suspended Chords - useful for lynching the vocalist
>
> Time Signatures - things for drummers to ignore
>
> Melody - an ancient, now almost extinct, art in songwriting
>
> Klavierstuck - A term used by German furniture movers
> attempting to get a piano through a narrow doorway.
>
> Music Stand - An intricate device used to hold music. Comes in two sizes
> - too high or too low - always broken.
>
> Tonic - A medicinal drink consumed in great quantity before a
> performance, and in greater quantity afterwards.
>
> Dominant - What parents must be if they expect their
> children to practice.
>
> Concert Hall - A place where large audiences gather, for
> the sole purpose of removing paper wrappings from candy and gum.
>
> Sotto Voce - singing while drunk
>
> Agogic - playing high enough on an oboe to make the eyes bulge.
>
> Cadenza - slapping noise on office furniture
>
> Fandango - grabbing the pull chain on the ceiling fan
>
> Prima Volta - jump start with a battery
>
> Refrain - proper technique for playing bagpipes
>
> Smorzando - with melted chocolate and marshmallow

Have you submitted these to the Harvard Dictionary of Music?

A few more:

Presto - Tapping the foot in time to the music.

Barcarole - Song by those with too much Con Spirito

Basset Horn - Instrument used to summon the hounds

Polytonal - Notes from a musical parrot

Shofar - Sho good.

Del capo al Fine: Nice hat!

"Solo" or "One Only" = all play, preferably as out of tune as possible.
"Divisi" = everyone play the bottom part (tuba) or the top part (trumpet).
"pp" = see p.
"p" = play almost as loud as f.
"ff" = play the same volume as f, but with a much worse tone and more out of tune.
"Ritardando" or "Rallentando" or "Accellerando"= keep the beat as steady as possible and never slow down or speed up, it is the tuba player's job to maintain tempo.
"adagio" or "andante" or "allegro" or "presto" = play the same tempo you usually play. When in doubt, see above.
"legato" = tongue hard, with lots of space between notes.
"stacatto" = strive for a fierce attack with no discernable pitch afterwards.
"cue" or "cues" = always play the part, especially if there are several of the notated instruments already playing it. Prove you can play it louder than them.
"String bass pizz. "= see stacatto and cue.
"rehearsal" = not necessary for tuba players.
"dress rehearsal" = optional for tuba players.
"call time" = 45 minutes before the tuba player needs to show up.
"©" = make as many copies as possible and distribute them to everyone you know. You will be doing them a big favor since they won't have to buy the music. Bonus points if you scan it and post it on your website.

Don't forget PDQ Bach's Music Minus Two Castrata in D Minor.

A reverse definition for Tacet: It does NOT mean "Take It!" (I actually heard a band leader say that...)