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Planet of the Baritone Women
By Frank Zappa
Album = Broadway the Hard Way

Meanwhile, on Wall Street . . .

On the Planet of the Baritone Women
They talk low
'Bout stuff they know.

They sing "Oooh!"
And laugh at you
(Ah-ha-ha-ha-hah! Hey!)

If you can't
(IF YOU CAN'T)
Do it too
(DO IT TOO)
(Ah-ha-ha-ha-hah! Hey!)

They sing "Li-Li-Li-Li!"
They sing "Lo-Lo-Lo-Lo!"
The men carry purses
Wherever they go

Junior executives.
All in a row,
Watch the Baritone Women
Do the Baritone show
(Ah-ha-ha-ha-hah! Hey!)

They sing about wheat;
They sing about corn;
They sing about places
Where women was born

They sing about hate!
They sing about fear!
It seems like they all got
A pretty good ear
(Ah-ha-ha-ha-hah! Hey!)

They sing it in harmony
Not often heard,
With a big ol' cadenza . . .
(Robert Martin, from Philadelphia,
Curtis Institute graduate, 1971
Let's hear it for him!)
On every long word

They keep it as low
As they possibly can,
And sometimes they walk
Like an E-GYP-TIAN
(Ah-ha-ha-ha-hah! Hey!)

They do choreography
Still more unique!
They leave their legs open
Whenever they speak!

They roll their eyes upward
And over again,
And slam their legs closed
When they sing about men!

Those Baritone Women!
They are not your friend!
(Ah-ha-ha-ha-hah!)

You will make a mistake
If you go there again!

College professors, especially ones of the music theory persuation, are just that. Professors. They wouldn't have to be professors if thay had been able to become professionals. Of course, this is only a generalization based on my experience with theory and composition instructors at UCLA.

All those baritone women. Whew!

Bloke,

The statement about university composers and how the "common man" or even the cannot relate to todays "serious" or "art" music sounds like the same soapbox that I have been on for some time. I also feel that the "common musician" cannot relate to much of this music (or whatever it is). It is my opinion that this is a true, but very sad comment. I also agree with most of what you said about Broadway (however, I think that there are still a few more current shows with good music).

Mark

bloke wrote:If you agree with me that the creative days of Broadway are dead, what do you think mostly brought about it's demise?..."Hair"? Sondheim's pseudo-serioso experiments? Webber? Disney? What was THE hammer blow?

I don't follow broadway close enought to have a clue on the hammer. But I suspect it was more of a degeneration, like pop music, rather than a tracable pin point.

I am curious what you dislike about Webber though. Superstar was a very creative work, as was Dreamcoat. I don't care for the particular result, especially Superstar, but I see the creativity. Got to be the strangest version of Bible stories I've seen yet.

I really like the music and lyrics from Cats and Phantom. An interesting twist on Eliot.

bloke wrote:If you agree with me that the creative days of Broadway are dead, what do you think mostly brought about it's demise?..."Hair"? Sondheim's pseudo-serioso experiments? Webber? Disney? What was THE hammer blow?

"No one will ever break the 4-minute mile." "Man will never travel at the speed of sound." "No one will ever again create a great broadway musical."

I don't agree. We may be having a dry spell, but some one will come along and just floor us with their creativity.

BTW, it's Lloyd Webber, like Vaughan Williams.

Oh, yeah, no one will ever break Bob Beamon's long jump record from the '68 Olympics.