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"'Real' tuba players don't think I count."

I'm just a tuba player. How the hell should I know?

Isn't there a grammer forum somewhere on The Web? Go here maybe: http://www.grammarly.com/?q=grammar

I would say "a" euphonium."an" preceding a vowel sound."a" preceding a consanant sound such has the hard y in you-phonium.its the sound of the syllable not the actual letter used.

I have a piano. My son has a Bb tuba. Problem solved.

Another alternative: You have a baritone (with a taper and a 4th valve). And you have an E-sharp tuba. Again, problem solved.