TubeNet

the elephant wrote:Dear TubeNet,

Someone keeps putting ants in my lunchbox while I am in 3rd period. Any advice?

Have your lunch preparer also put an anteater or an aardvark in your lunchbox as well each day.
If room is a problem, simply use a young one.
If your objective is revenge, not ant/lunch dilution issues, try just putting bees inside the box and give it a good shake at the end of 2nd period.

windshieldbug wrote:Have your lunch preparer also put an anteater or an aardvark in your lunchbox as well each day.

Actually this is a good idea, but the anteater typically employed in such cases is the "ant lion":


These little fellows dig pits in dry, sandy soil, and eat the ants that tumble into them. It's a simple matter to find a couple of ant lions (look for conical holes in a dry, dusty area), dump a couple of inches of dust in your lunchbox and put them in there. Then put your lunch in on top of the dust, leaving plenty of area clear for pits, carry it carefully, and forget about your little psychopath schoolmates, they can't harm you now.

the elephant wrote:Someone keeps putting ants in my lunchbox while I am in 3rd period. Any advice?

James Brown: If your ants get in your pants and ya got a dance!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4-LhXtB9aG4" target="_blank"

Do the ants play a BBb or a CC? It's important.

Carry chocolate sauce to cover the ants with and you'll have a delicacy for lunch everyday.

Donn wrote:

windshieldbug wrote:Have your lunch preparer also put an anteater or an aardvark in your lunchbox as well each day.

Actually this is a good idea, but the anteater typically employed in such cases is the "ant lion":

For some strange reason, on first glance I thought there were two ant lions in that picture (use your imagination for the rest).

...even educated ant lions, do it.

Dear TubeNeet,
When I play my tuba on the moon landing set it still makes a sound.
I thought in space there was no air to conduct sound waves, even though it’s on Universal’s backlot.
Supposedly they thought of everything, so what gives?

Dear Tubenet, why can't I play the notes I want to play with the valves I want to push, and rearrange the slides so it will look pretty instead of there being only one way to arrange them? I mean, I own this horn, dammit, and it should do what I say. I shouldn't have to bow to its whims.

the elephant wrote:Dear TubeNet,

The aliens returned for me last night. They are very fair-minded and wanted to know if I would like to perform any "medical tests" on any of them the next time they come for me.

I said I'd think about it.

What should I do?

Unfortunately, Art Bell just passed away a few days ago. I'm sure he could have helped you.

bloke wrote:Dear TubeNet,
My tuba isn't expensive enough, but I don't have enough money to buy a more expensive one.
How can I get others to buy me a really expensive tuba?
I'm currently attending school, carrying a full load (13 hours), and even doing volunteer work (washing dishes for my Mom on Sundays), so a job is out of the question; currently, I'm only getting ten hours sleep nightly.
Next year, I plan to play in a 52-week orchestra, so the need is urgent.

Go fund me requests have not been banned from the sponsor forum yet, so have at it...

Dear Tubenet,
I know tuba players are supposed to sit in the back of the band but why does my band director ask me to sit in the music library and listen real carefully during rehearsals? Has anyone else had to do this as well?

Why is it that tubas are so big? It would be so much easier if all I had to cart around was a little box like an oboe case.

People always say "I bet you wish had learned to play the flute instead!" What do I say to them?

Dear Tubenet,
Why is it that 6th graders picking their first instrument and sampling the tuba sound better than me? I guess its because of the silver plating on the big thing.

If you really want to chose suicide as protest, nothing beats a good ol' self immolation.

Preferably at intermission.

Unfortunately I understand it is not painless...

Dear TubeNet,
Why do people park their cars on driveways and drive their cars on parkways?

Three Valves wrote:If you really want to chose suicide as protest, nothing beats a good ol' self immolation.

Preferably at intermission.

Unfortunately I understand it is not painless...

Would it help to familiarize oneself with the works of René Magritte?