'Y'all fat, and y'all eat too much,'

[Uncle Buck]

A restaurant with a buffet has to make several business decisions. Among other things, they have to decide whether to offer high-dollar items, whether to dedicate a server to distributing those high-dollar items (does the cost of the item being over-consumed by some individuals justify having a server dedicated to bringing a plate of frog legs to the table of someone who requests it), whether to limit the high-dollar items (all-you-can-eat, except only one plate of frog legs per customer), etc.

Olive Garden does a pretty good job of this on their soup-salad-breadsticks. Of course, they will bring you as much soup as you ask for. But, they way they serve it (I usually have to wait a little while for the first bowl, even - by the time I finish it, the group I'm with is usually finished eating), it is a little awkward to stay there for two hours porking down potato soup.

I don't think this is very much of a legal issue. A lawsuit against a buffet is a big loser.

It is more of an issue of business decisions, and the best way to balance keeping your customers happy and maintaining a profit margin.

[tofu]

[tubatooter1940]

Reminds me of this tune (author unknown):
I met this girl - she wasn't to bad. She wasn't too skinny and she wasn't too fat and I just thought I'd ask her out to eat.
It wasn't much later when we arrived at this neat little place on Pompano Drive, "All you can eat for $5,95"
"Hi,I'm your waitress, Gina, I'll help you if I can - she snached that menu out of her hand and said, "Girl, go get yourself a pencil and get ready to write".
"I want three whole chickens over easy - don't even skin "em I like 'em greasy and walk my steak right out here on a leash. I want a wheel barrow full of tater salad, two whole hogs and a blackened mallard and a flat bed truck full of chicken and broccoli quiche."

I wish that we'd gone Dutch. I never have seen a girl that could eat this much.

Well here come the corn bread - she ate the whole pone. She said, "Go get Domino's on the phone - extra large supreme with everything on it. I want a bucket of oysters and a barrel of beer and you better roll that salad bar over here. A big ole rack of ribs - that sounds good, don't it?"

I wish that we'd gone Dutch. I never have seen a girl that could eat this much.

Well she stood up, snorted, burped and coughed. She wiped her mouth off on the table cloth and said, "Clear this mess away. I want dessert."
"I want me some lime sherbet and baked Alaska, a pecan pie the size of Nebraska and meanwhile, I'll suck the gravy stains out of my shirt."

I wish that we'd gone Dutch. I never have seen a girl that could eat this much.
I wish that we'd gone Dutch. I never have seen a girl that could eat this much.

[MartyNeilan]

Reminds me of this tune (author unknown):
I met this girl - she wasn't to bad. She wasn't too skinny and she wasn't too fat and I just thought I'd ask her out to eat.
It wasn't much later when we arrived at this neat little place on Pompano Drive, "All you can eat for $5,95"
"Hi,I'm your waitress, Gina, I'll help you if I can - she snached that menu out of her hand and said, "Girl, go get yourself a pencil and get ready to write".
"I want three whole chickens over easy - don't even skin "em I like 'em greasy and walk my steak right out here on a leash. I want a wheel barrow full of tater salad, two whole hogs and a blackened mallard and a flat bed truck full of chicken and broccoli quiche."

I wish that we'd gone Dutch. I never have seen a girl that could eat this much.

Well here come the corn bread - she ate the whole pone. She said, "Go get Domino's on the phone - extra large supreme with everything on it. I want a bucket of oysters and a barrel of beer and you better roll that salad bar over here. A big ole rack of ribs - that sounds good, don't it?"

I wish that we'd gone Dutch. I never have seen a girl that could eat this much.

Well she stood up, snorted, burped and coughed. She wiped her mouth off on the table cloth and said, "Clear this mess away. I want dessert."
"I want me some lime sherbet and baked Alaska, a pecan pie the size of Nebraska and meanwhile, I'll suck the gravy stains out of my shirt."

I wish that we'd gone Dutch. I never have seen a girl that could eat this much.
I wish that we'd gone Dutch. I never have seen a girl that could eat this much.

Must be Mr. Creosote's daughter:

[tubatooter1940]

I'd be delighted to hook you up, Wade. I have melody and chords - fairly simple.
I, also NEED more clean funny tunes. P.M. me a phone number if you will, and I'll grab a guitar and sing it at you.
Dennis gray
www.johnreno.com/

[tofu]

[MaryAnn]

For "relatively" clean funny tunes.... an old bluegrass buddy of mine had many, many tunes that were off but not that far. I always wished I had recorded him on these; the one I remember the most was "I got a skeeter on my peter...."



MA

[MaryAnn]

What you probably didn't know about her was that she was bulemic; eating like that and being thin tend to go with bulemia. Plus the psychotic part.

yech.

MA

[Uncle Buck]

What you probably didn't know about her was that she was bulemic; eating like that and being thin tend to go with bulemia. Plus the psychotic part.

yech.

MA

Add in the doctorate in Dance, and it's almost a sure thing.

Unfortunately not a laughing matter - those are pretty sad circumstances.

[Chuck Jackson]

"I got a skeeter on my peter...."

Reminds me of the Upstate New York Folk Hero John Valbey, better known as Doctor Dirty. You can get most of his stuff on Amazon. I suggest "Hotel Buffalo" with it's great send up of "Cielito Linda" that has the refrain:

Ay, Ay, ay, ay
Your Mother swims after troopships
now sing me another verse that's worse than the other verse
And lead me around by my willy

At that point he would break into a supremely raunchy limerick and then sang:

Ay, ay, ay, ay
Your sister rides bikes without seats etc, etc

And it would go on to dishonor every person in the known universe. I would have never thought Richard Nixon could do such things with a cucumber.

That was the tamest song he ever did. His rendition of "I'm a Little Teapot" still sends me into paroxisms of laughter.

Chuck"who almost got thrown out of the Brevard Music Center in 1979 for singing some choice Valbey tunes but was saved by Jamie Hafner but that's a whole 'nuther story"Jackson

[MartyNeilan]

This one is kinda PG-13, but I heard it on NPR a couple of months ago:

The Man Who Comes Around

chorus:
A man comes to our house every single day,
Papa comes home and the man goes away.
Papa does the work and mamma gets the pay,
And the man comes around when papa goes away.

The man who comes to our house, mama thinks is nice,
He comes in the summer and he brings mama ice.
Just a teeny-weeny bit that soon melts away,
So he comes back once again later in the day.

The man who comes to our house drives a Cadillac,
He drives it round the block and he parks it in the back.
Mama rushes to the door, He's right there to greet her,
With, "Open up, honey, and let me check your meter."

The man who comes to our house isn't such a dope.
He climbs up on the porch with "I hope, I hope, I hope."
You can tell he is a salesman by the way he slips inside.
He never sells a thing but he comes out satisfied.

The man who comes to our house, comes to sell a brush,
He comes in a hurry and he goes out in a rush.
After he is gone, ma puts up an awful fret,
If she doesn't get everything she thinks she ought to get.

The man who comes to our house, who comes to mow the lawn,
Always seems to get here just when papa's gone.
After he is gone my mother says to me,
"You don't have to tell your pa everything you see."

The man who comes to our house to collect the trash,
Is tall, dark and handsome and he has a big moustache.
I'm not quite sure, and yet it seems to me,
That he's much nicer that a trashman ought to be.

The man who comes to our house comes to bring the milk,
He walks right in the kitchen and he talks smooth as silk.
I always have to hold his horse out by the gate;
He stays so doggone long that the horse don't want to wait.

The man who comes to our house comes to fix the phone,
He brings his tools along and he always comes alone.
Now just before he leaves, I think I out to mention,
He rushes up to mama's room and fixes her extension.

Now, when I grow up, I don't want to be
A doctor or a lawyer, no, none of that for me.
I don't want to have a great big office downtown,
I just want to be the man that comes around.

[LoyalTubist]

[OldsRecording]

This is an interview with the actual subject of this thread on one of our local radio stations. Very interesting.


http://rock102.com/upload/audio/ricky_labit_1.mp3

[tubatooter1940]

Dear Mr. Elephant and other tubenet friends,
Last night I attempted to type chords , melody and instruction notes for the song, "Never have seen a (girl) could eat this much". I worked on it 45 minutes or so (for me that's a lot).
When I hit "submit" my letter disappeared and the log - in page came up.
This the second and last time this has happened to me. My long letter is lost.
I need to type it on notepad, save it and then figure a way to upload it to share. I really wish I could plug one microphone and one guitar directly into my Dell computer's tower,record that and save the recording to a file.
I guess it's time for me to call rent-a-geek.
Hang with me and I'll find a way to get you the rest of the tune.
Storm coming I'll sign off till tomorrrow.
Dennis
Tunes for you at:
www.johnreno.com/
More tunes at:
http://www.myspace.com/johnrenomusic