Don't go into music!!!

[NDSPTuba]

Once again Mr. Denney writes a insightful well said post that I couldn't agree more with. The only thing I think I did do well in youth is choosing my wife. The rest has taken some time getting there, but at least I now know the destination and that wasn't always the case.

[sloan]

My relationship to my work (I did NOT say my "job") is similar to a marriage. After a few years, the ardor fades, and it had to be replaced with something else. You seem to be suggesting that once the infatuation has run its course, divorce is the next step. But, frankly, if I stopped doing what I do, I would miss the opportunity to express the knowledge and experience that I have gained from doing it for 30 years. I no longer feel passionate about it, but it is important to me in deeper ways.

Not at all. I was suggesting that you might be less than...complete...in assessing your needs and desires. The parts of your job that you bitch about ENABLE you to do the parts that you love - and also to tinker with the motor home, tinker with Russian cameras, acquire more tubas than a player of your talent really needs, etc., etc. I'm suggesting that you can't order life a la carte. But more important, I'm suggesting that you *could* (if you really wanted to) throw all of that away and do something else. Given that you are not working at slave wages just barely to subsist, you have a myriad of choices. Someone who chooses to continue on the same course must, at some level, *desire* to continue on that course.

You offer an analogy with marriage. I agree with the analogy but disagree with your characterization. Perhaps you haven't been married long enough to understand (damn newbies - talk to me when you've put in 30 years). Couples who stay together out of a sense of "commitment" are misguided. Studies show that parents who stay together "for the children" do themselves and the children great harm. I submit that some people stay together not out of a perceived duty - but rather because they achieve a deeper, more mature desire to be together. I suggest (and, re-reading, I see that you agree) that this is why you stay in your current job. I've seen you talk about that job, and it's my impression that there are many parts of that job that you quite literally could not live (happily) without. It's not *all* good - but it's quite clear to me that you aren't doing it "for the money". What you love about it has changed over the years - but it's still the case that you greatly enjoy what you do.

That doesn't mean I want to do it 24/7. I can't imagine anyone who is a rounded person wanting to do anything 24/7. That's why education should be rounded. There are many people out there who do not and never have a driving passion to do anything to that extent. In fact, I would submit that this describes most people. That's also why education should be well-rounded, so that they can be functional enough to learn what they must to do the next thing placed before them.

I agree. "do what you love 24/7" is not a directive to be narrow-minded. Personally, what I like to do 24/7 is to be a dilettante. Fortunately for me, I've found a career and a lifestyle that allows me to do that 24/7. Plus...I did not disregard the second directive: "work at it until you are good at it". I'm very good at my chosen field.

The point is: don't try to divide your life into:

a) what I like to do, and
b) what I do to survive/put bread on the table/keep my job.

They are inseparable (for anyone with the resources to spend time reading this forum). They define EACH OTHER. How you put bread on the table DEFINES what it is that you love to do.

Rick "who knows many 18-year-olds who want to play--not write--video games 24/7" Denney

And, I know a FEW video game players who have gotten good enough at it so that someone pays them for it!

And...we all know many 18-year-olds who want to play--not write--music 24/7".

Think about it.

[Rick Denney]

Couples who stay together out of a sense of "commitment" are misguided.

You're implying a negative connotation on my part to "commitment", as in "mere commitment". I don't. I believe that serving the well-being of one's spouse is deeply satisfying, and not merely something to be endured. If it is satisfying, then it can be, by choice, pleasurable. I've seen it in my parents (married 50-odd years), and in many other friends of that generation. I've also seen what happens to marriages, even those that endure, when it's not there.

My point (different from yours, though I suspect you'll agree at least to a point) is that happiness isn't something that happens to a person, like infatuation with a particular woman or excitement over a particular job or professional prospect. We choose to be happy, and largely independent of our circumstances. If we depend on happiness = fun, then when our jobs are no longer fun, we'll be in trouble. I know very few of around my age who have not had to face that, no matter what their profession or pursuits.

It has always been that way, even back when we were peasants in a feudal society who had zero choices about how we spent most of our time, and few resources to use in support of broadening how we spent what little time we could control. People could live fulfilling lives and be happy then, too. Or, they could be miserable, just like the many miserable but wealthy folks we both know.

Rick "who chooses to be happy--most of the time" Denney

[PWtuba]

There are too many pages of this to read, so I started at the beginning and only read a bit, but I'm replying anyway...

I think it's a great idea to encourage students to be successful in whatever they choose, while being realistic. Interestingly, I have a lot of former teachers (high school math, English that is) who tell me not to go into teaching in general. It's a shame the way things can be in schools at times.

I've been in the midst of a transition for almost a year (graduating with my master's and trying to move abroad), so I still haven't been able to get a "real" job yet. This has given me a lot of time to say, "Hmmm, what if I had gone into ____." Sometimes I wish I had done something else, but at the time I didn't know how many options I truly had. So I went into music because I loved playing my euphonium. Now I'm gearing up to teach music, and we'll see how it goes. No job is perfect, and I'm going to think positively. The best part is, I can always change my mind--even if it's a harder road.

Ah, finally a post back on topic...