Break Wind

[Ferguson]

The low pressure air on a commercial airliner can induce gas even in the best of us, including the crew. Experienced crews know how to slowly release such gas as they walk through the cabin, thus avoiding high concentrations in any one area.

This technique has its own term: Crop dusting.

SF

[imperialbari]

Blow it over into the percussion.

Tell the guy that this device will add the sought after Leslie effect to his sound. For pedagogical reasons the broken winds rather should be returned towards his nose.

K

[jonesbrass]

When we used to do change of commands, we marched our trombones in the rear of the formation. One particular trombonist used to take great delight in eating deviled eggs, baked beans, etc. on the way to the gig. He would wait until we were all standing there at attention or parade rest, with a nice tailwind, and let one rip. Thank god we were outside!!!

OP, I'd fight fire with fire . . . I'd blow a nice one right back at him and see if he liked it. Perhaps then you could call a cease fire?

[kegmcnabb]

Ha-ha! Only trumpet players would have this type of problem. Any tuba play worth his salt knows to "let go" during the fortissimo sections and then shoot dirty looks toward the trombone section.

[lgb&dtuba]

OK----here's a new one for readers on this board. I play trumpet in a good quality community orchestra. For the past two years the other trumpet player emits noxious odors (breaks wind). Sometimes small; sometimes thunderous. Five or six times, with progressively escalating anger, I have told him to knock it off or I will report it to the conductor and perhaps the board of directors.
Last Monday night, he popped off a big one and I really blew my cool. I reported the incident (and the history) to the director who said he'd think about the situation and get back to me. The gaseous player is a fine musician and a heavy contributor to the orchestra.

Anyone ever experience this kind of situation? ("Situations" could also include bad breath, body odor, smelly feet, etc.) How was the problem handled, and by whom? Now that I've reported the problem to the director, what else can I do to help resolve this problem?

Advice is welcome (except for flip comments).

Get over it.

Do you, yourself, never fart? Can you hold one in? How long? I suspect that the only reason the other trumpet player audibly rips them (as opposed to discreet SBDs) is in response to your reactions.

And what do you expect the conductor or board to do? Tell the guy not to fart? Kick out a

fine musician and a heavy contributor to the orchestra

because you're offended?

But of course I'm just a tuba player who drinks beer during and eats brats and sauerkraut between sets. Puts the oomph in the pah.

Jim "Smelling something else in this topic" Wagner

[Toad Away]

Has anyone else on the board ever heard the John Fletcher
flatulence tape

Too funny for words.

[luke_hollis]

You could bring a water pistol to rehearsal and shoot him everytime he breaks wind. Kind of like training a cat.

[DonnieMac]

This frames a great opportunity to have some fun among the low brass. For the Apple iPhone there is a free app, "Atomic Fart" Download this and use the timed setting, say 25 seconds, and a very audible, recognizable fart type you select will be emitted from your iPhone. When that happens point your finger and snear at the bass trombone player. There are some very funny types listed and only women will object to this app. Kids love it.

[BVD Press]

I think you have three choices:

1. You could leave the group

2. Be patient because you have already spoken with the director

3. Fight fire with fire and do as Chuck suggests, but eat the food yourself:

I would like to buy the gentleman in question 7 Guiness', half a dozen of pickled eggs, a big old plate of sauerkraut, some chicken fried steak, and some green apples and sit him right next to you. Brass player indeed.

[Ace]

2. Be patient because you have already spoken with the director

[/quote]

Situation resolved. Sincere apology received. Rehearsal hall air is fresh again. Focus is now back to making music.

Ace

[Kevin Hendrick]

2. Be patient because you have already spoken with the director

Situation resolved. Sincere apology received. Rehearsal hall air is fresh again. Focus is now back to making music.

Ace

[Dan Schultz]

2. Be patient because you have already spoken with the director

Situation resolved. Sincere apology received. Rehearsal hall air is fresh again. Focus is now back to making music.

Ace

MOVE AWAY! THAT GUY'S GOING TO EXPLODE!!

[SinNawlins]

it does seem everyone has either the solution or at least as serious a problem. One thing we know for sure, this is not a piccolo player, if we are talking serious quantities of gas. They don't have to push that hard. Maybe you could threaten him or her with the most appropriate carbon tax. There are a lot of politicians standing by wanting to punish polluters aggravating global warming. Have you thought of writing your local Congressman or Senator about these releases into the environment?

[tubatooter1940]

Ace, exactly how did you get that guy to stop the greenhouse gasses? Beano? A rubber suit?
An old fart would like to know.

At our local post office, a person I could spit on from here, emitted noxious gas upon this nice country lady who would never discuss bodily functions. Therefore he believed he could blow up his whole end of the office with impunity because to the lady, these things obviously didn't exist.
That is, until the day she reached over the partition and sprayed him with high dollar perfume. He did it again. She sprayed him again. He apologized and vowed to save his spicier food for the weekends.

[imperialbari]

Ace, exactly how did you get that guy to stop the greenhouse gasses? Beano? A rubber suit?
An old fart would like to know.

At our local post office, a person I could spit on from here, emitted noxious gas upon this nice country lady who would never discuss bodily functions. Therefore he believed he could blow up his whole end of the office with impunity because to the lady, these things obviously didn't exist.
That is, until the day she reached over the partition and sprayed him with high dollar perfume. He did it again. She sprayed him again. He apologized and vowed to save his spicier food for the weekends.

I once admired the inherent optimism in buying new tubas when past ones prime. Now I have learned that this is not optimism, but necessity. Keeping ones brasses in such acidic environment calls for a fast turnover.

K