What have you found inside your instrument?

[TMurphy]

Once, in college, I gave my horn a bath, and after I drained the tub and took the horn out, I saw a ProTec mouthpiece pouch I had "lost" months before. I still have it, and use it...

Just a few weeks ago, at the high school where I work one day a week, I was packing up my stuff at the end of the day, when I hear from the other side of the band room, "Mr. Murphy, help!" Apparently, someone dropped/threw a masterlock into the tuba, and it got stuck. Took me a good ten minutes of rotating and lightly tapping the side of the horn to shake it loose. I haven't checked, but I'm sure the paper-thin Amati brass got its share of dents in the ordeal.

[tofu]

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[Eupher6]

Played a Fasching parade in Fulda, Germany, back in the mid-Eighties. For anyone who doesn't know, Fasching is the German equivalent of Mardi Gras. Lots of imbibing, lots of goofy, silly stuff.

Recognizing that, and knowing that the streets are somewhat narrow in spots, we put the more seasoned guys in the end files, next to the crowds.

So here we are, playing whatever march we were, and just as I'm taking a deep breath, some @sshole actually tosses an ear of corn down the bell of my euph.

As you can imagine, it pissed me off to no end. Could've broken a tooth or worse.

Anyway, I fished out the ear of corn out of the bell and continued the parade. Would've been nice to have shoved that ear of corn up the perp's @ss, but I opted not to go there.

[PWtuba]

My sectionmate JJ wandered around the band room one day during marching band season showing everyone the grasshopper that was sticking out of the neck of his sousaphone.

[P@rick]

In my part if Holland we have carnival. Our band also visits Germany for parades during carnival. It’s almost a religion to drink schnaps during carnival….especially in Germany .
I never forget the parade in Germany where I couldn’t produce the massive volume (required during carnival parades ) anymore. The bad thing…we were only half way.

We almost finished the parade and I had blown my lungs inside out without any effect. At that moment the euphonium began to feel pity for me…and told me to get the orange apple out of my tuba which was completely blocking the bottom bow .

[DuckCallDan]

This is a true story. If you are easily grossed out please stop reading now.

While playing with the Winter Park High School Concert Band in the late '70s, a recent graduate returned to play with the band. The only instrument available was an ancient tuba that sat on the top shelf for years.

After checking the bell for paper balls and squirting some oil in the bottom piston covers he starts to warm-up. One second into his first note he starts to gag then spits out HALF a live cockroach!

After the initial shock and horror we check his horn for more insects. Not finding any we wonder where the other half of that roach went. His answer, "I swallowed it".

There you have it. To his credit and others disgust he played that horn for the rest of the rehearsal.

[OldsRecording]

There you have it. To his credit and others disgust he played that horn for the rest of the rehearsal.

Well, sometimes, you have to 'take one for the team'.

[Kevin Lilley]

The funniest thing that I found in my sousaphone in h.s. was a piece of candy. Not because of the piece of candy but because of the story behind it. We were doing a parade and a small child was running on the side of the street following me. I kept hearing this 'ding' noise and could not figure it out. I finally realized what it was when I was hearing a 'buzzing' sound while playing. Finally I paid the child some attention and quickly realized that he was throwing anything that he could get a hold of towards my horn and managed to land a piece of candy through my bell as well as some additional dents. I also had to dig out a pen cap that had dug its way through the schools sousaphone from a careless student. It took an hour or so but needless to say the student got an earful from my father. (The band director)

[MartyNeilan]

What have you found inside your instrument?

Wrong notes!
(And I have no idea how they got there!)

[OldsRecording]

What have you found inside your instrument?

Wrong notes!
(And I have no idea how they got there!)

Well, for God's sake, get them out, because if you leave them in there too long, they get REALLY bad...

[Tubaing]

I found a Wiffleball in my Manhattan tuba during some rinsing.

[RadDad2005]

This was all my fault, but I was running late to Symphony practice, and had an hour drive to Green Bay. I hadn't eaten much, so I grabbed a banana and my folder, rolled it up and stuck it in the bell of my Mirafone and drove the hour, arriving just in time. Took the horn out of the bag, blew a note and realized the folder was still in the bell. Blew another note, "oh yeah, the banana". It was no where to be found. Due to the vibrations of the drive (I assume) It had worked it's way around the bend and up the side of the horn, unreachable by me. By now rehearsal was beginning, and I explained I had a banana in my tuba, to the roars of some and horror of others! It's a Saturday night at a High School auditorium, so I went all over the building looking for a custodian, finally found one and we used a pipe snake to free the horn, and I returned to rehearsal, to more laughter and indignation (use your imagination as to who was who!).
I always tell this story to my students to remind them the putting anything in their horns is not real smart.

[tubaguy9]

I know someone who had a brand new mouthpiece brush inside his tuning slide on his trombone...

[tubacrow]

When I was teaching public school, I used to keep my tuba in a tuba stand next to my desk. Well, one senior thought it would be funny to drop my car keys down the bell. luckily I would use my horn when working with my beginning students, and I heard them slide back and forth in the bottom bow.
So, the strangest thing I found was keys to a 1963 Impala.

[timdicarlo]

During marching season in high school, my section regularly ordered take-out from Boston Market to eat between gameday rehearsals and the pregame show. So, predictably enough, I once ended up with a six-course meal in my sousaphone. Waste of good biscuits, if you ask me.

[bttmbow]

The MET has played many concerts in the parks, but one was interesting, due to swarming June bugs on Staten Island one summer eve. Since I had some time off after that, I took a break from playing for a bit.

When I played my horn again, after a few notes, I noticed something was loose and rattling around in my horn. I eventually located a June bug inside the horn, and if I recall correctly, it was in the 4th valve tubing.

[Tubaing]

I cleaned out an old Holton sousaphone my school had laying around for a while on top of some lockers and there were many pens, pencils, papers, a glue stick, a drum stick, batteries, some wood cylinder percussion thing, glitter, and some candy wrappers. There is still something else in there. I hope I can get out because it plays about as well as my school's Box (Bachs) sousas with the large object inside!

Well, I finally tried blowing some air trough it again and out came a circa 2002 Sousamuffin!

[eupher61]

I found a wrong note once. I'll be damned if the thing didn't spawn while it was in there, it's tough to get rid of 'em once they get fertyle.

[tubacdk]

a hackey sack, several taco bell wrappers and a sousa neck.

[tubashaman2]

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