Worst. Jokes. Ever.

[windshieldbug]

Why is a bad joke like a poor pencil?
Because it has no point.

[ken k]

A king is brought three glasses, two full and one empty. What is the king's name?

Phillip the Third!

hey that one belongs in the pun thread....
k

[ken k]

how many clarinet players does it take to change a light bulb?

only one but he will go through an entire box of bulbs before he finds one he likes....

not really a joke if you know any clarinet players....

[ken k]

how does a flute player change a light bulb?

They hold the bulb up and let the world revolve around them.

[ken k]

how many trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

four, one to change the bulb and the three to say how they would have done it better....

[ken k]

how many a sax players.....?

two, one to change the bulb and one to tell him how charlie parker would have done it.

[The Jackson]

How many tuba players does it take to change a lightbulb?

One, but one-thousand to go on TubeNet and post threads asking which hand he used, how many times he twisted it and what brand of lightbuld he replaced it with.

[TubaRay]

How many tuba players does it take to change a lightbulb?

One, but one-thousand to go on TubeNet and post threads asking which hand he used, how many times he twisted it and what brand of lightbuld he replaced it with.

Silver or lacquer finish?

[The Jackson]

How many tuba players does it take to change a lightbulb?

One, but one-thousand to go on TubeNet and post threads asking which hand he used, how many times he twisted it and what brand of lightbuld he replaced it with.

Silver or lacquer finish?

And if he used a four-rung ladder, a five-rung ladder or if he was a gigless wannabe and used a three-rung step ladder.

[ken k]

and how can i get world class light....

[tubatom91]

what's red and smells like blue paint?


Red Paint.....

works when the subjects you are telling the joke to are slighty tipsy.

[rocksanddirt]

what's red and smells like blue paint?


Red Paint.....

works when the subjects you are telling the joke to are slighty tipsy.

don't even have to be tipsy.

it's much like one of my fav's....

What's brown and sticky?























a stick.

[k001k47]

What was the pirate movie rated?
























PG-13 for violence and brief nudity.

[Nick Pierce]

Just heard that a van carrying four clarinet players went over a cliff. It was a real tragedy, seeing as the van could have fit at least eight.

What do soprano's use as birth control?

Their personalities.

[tubashaman2]

.

[NickJones]

How do you tune 3 oboe players...
shoot two of them...harsh but fair!

[bearphonium]

On the lightbulb theme:

How many tuba players does it take to change a light bulb?
5. One to hold the light bulb, and four to drink until the room spins.

How many conductors does it take to change a light bulb?
Who knows? No one ever watches the conductor.

How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but the bulb really has to want to change.

[Davy]

Whats the difference between a trumpet player and a government bond?




The bond eventually matures, and actually starts making money

[windshieldbug]

Tired of constantly being broke & stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife with himself as the beneficiary, and then arranging to have her killed.

A 'friend of a friend' put him in touch with a nefarious dark-side underworld figure who went by the name of 'Artie.' Artie then explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing out a spouse was $5,000. The husband said he was willing to pay that amount, but that he wouldn't have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife's insurance money. Artie insisted on being paid at least something up front, so the man opened his wallet, displaying the single dollar bill that rested inside. Artie sighed, rolled his eyes, & reluctantly agreed to accept the dollar as down payment for the dirty deed.

A few days later, Artie followed the man's wife to the local Super Wal-Mart store. There, he surprised her in the produce department & proceeded to strangle her with his gloved hands & as the poor unsuspecting woman drew her last breath & slumped to the floor...

The manager of the produce department stumbled unexpectedly onto the murder scene.

Unwilling to leave any living witnesses behind, old' Artie had no choice but to strangle the produce manager as well. However, unknown to Artie, the entire proceedings were captured by the hidden security cameras & observed by the store's security guard, who immediately called the police.

Artie was caught and arrested before he could even leave the store.

Under intense questioning at the police station, Artie revealed the whole sordid plan, including his unusual financial arrangements with the hapless husband who was also quickly arrested.

The next day in the newspaper, the headline declared ...





"ARTIE CHOKES 2 for $1.00 AT WAL-MART!"

[MaryAnn]

What's yellow and has four wheels on top?

An upside down school bus.

What's green and flies?

Super-Pickle.

How did Tarzan die?

Picking cherries. (see wade's joke about elephants and cherry trees.)

Ah, memories!

MA