A man walks into a bar....

[Sally Larsen]

I try to avoid walking into bars.
Fortunately I'm short enough to avoid most of them.

[Kevin Hendrick]

bloke with a small "b" - women in bars are an iffy bet if you would want to find a woman to take home to introduce to Mom. But I do agree with your premise about scotch. Good scotch is too precious to be wasted in a smokey bar with loud and obnoxious people. Better to enjoy your favorite 18 year old single malt at home with your favorite friends listening to tuba music.

Ironically, an 18 year old scotch would have to wait another 3 years to legally drink itself.

Yuk yuk, slow morning...

... from a Klein bottle, no doubt ...

[tubatooter1940]

A drunk staggers into a bar with vomit all down the front of his fine new suit. He asked the bartender for a shot of whisky.
The bartender refused to serve him. He said, "No sir, you're already drunk and you threw up all over yourself."
The drunk replied, "That's why I need a drink. My wife just bought me this new suit and I can't go home and face her without another stiff one. She's gonna kill me."
Bartender asked the drunk, "Do you have a $20 bill?"
The drunk said, "Sure, I have two twenties. And he held them out.
The bartender took a twenty and stuffed it in the drunk's top suit pocket and said, "Here, go home and tell your wife that you were walking past a bar and a drunk staggered out of the place, bumped into you and threw up all over your new suit. Say he felt so bad about it that he stuffed a twenty dollar bill in you pocket to cover the cleaning bill."
"Hey!", said the drunk, "She'll believe that. What a great idea! Thank you sir. I'm gonna take your good advice and I bid you a good night."
The drunk walked in the front door of his house and his wife took one look and cried, "Oh no, you got drunk and threw up on the new suit I bought you."
The man said, "Oh no baby. I was walking down the street and this drunk guy staggered out of this bar and threw up all over me. He felt bad about it and put this twenty dollar in my pocket to cover the cleaning bill."
"She replied, "You poor baby. You slip that suit off and relax and I'll get you a nice clean robe." Then she noticed that there were two twenties in the pocket. She asked, "What's the second twenty for?"
Her husband replied, "He crapped my pants,too."

[WakinAZ]

Laughed out loud at that one, thanks tubatooter...

[iiipopes]

Ka-boom, chissssss!