Your Daily Paraprosdokian

ken k · Post by **ken k** » Fri Jul 15, 2011 10:39 am

We drive on a park way and park in a driveway...

The Jackson · Post by **The Jackson** » Sat Jul 16, 2011 3:45 pm

Doc wrote:I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.

I would imagine that the exchange rate would make it a very complicated affair (not to mention the time difference).

TheHatTuba · Post by **TheHatTuba** » Mon Jul 18, 2011 8:04 pm

If i agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

tbn.al · Post by **tbn.al** » Tue Jul 19, 2011 5:35 pm

I know her! I really do! She lives across the street. She's got tattoos too.

SplatterTone · Post by **SplatterTone** » Fri Jul 22, 2011 5:29 pm

Don't tell fish stories where the people know you; but particularly, don't tell them where they know the fish.

k001k47 · Post by **k001k47** » Wed Jul 27, 2011 3:44 pm

One of the few instances one can be sure of doing the right thing:
performing pushups and one's gut inhibits a full range of motion.

OldsRecording · Post by **OldsRecording** » Thu Jul 28, 2011 5:29 pm

Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're NOT out to get you.

SplatterTone · Post by **SplatterTone** » Fri Jul 29, 2011 11:14 am

You're never too old to learn something stupid.

Mark Twain: A man carrying a cat by the tail will learn something that can be learned in no other way.

Teubonium · Post by **Teubonium** » Sun Jul 31, 2011 4:13 pm

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear
bright until you hear them speak.

Teubonium · Post by **Teubonium** » Sun Jul 31, 2011 4:15 pm

It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end,
someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them.

Donn · Post by **Donn** » Mon Aug 08, 2011 1:42 am

Know how to make a dead cat float?

Try root beer, two scoops of dead cat.

Teubonium · Post by **Teubonium** » Mon Aug 08, 2011 12:52 pm

If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

Teubonium · Post by **Teubonium** » Mon Aug 08, 2011 12:53 pm

The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by
those who got there first.

Mojo workin' · Post by **Mojo workin'** » Sat Oct 08, 2011 12:29 pm

On the other hand, you've got four fingers and a thumb.

iiipopes · Post by **iiipopes** » Sun Oct 09, 2011 9:43 am

One of comedian Yakov Smirnoff's signature lines when he first opened his comedy show in Branson, MO: "I've only been in this country a short distance."

arminhachmer · Post by **arminhachmer** » Tue Oct 11, 2011 7:25 pm

Considering all things, takes a long time.

Kevin Hendrick · Post by **Kevin Hendrick** » Fri Oct 14, 2011 10:46 pm

arminhachmer wrote:Considering all things, takes a long time.

Time we've got -- or maybe not ...

iiipopes · Post by **iiipopes** » Sat Oct 15, 2011 12:44 pm

(Mother to misbehaving child) "Come down right now out of that tree. I've told you again it's not safe. If a limb breaks and you fall and break your leg, don't you come running and crying to me about it!"

tubatooter1940 · Post by **tubatooter1940** » Sun Oct 16, 2011 8:07 am

All things come to he who waiteth if he worketh like helleth while he waiteth.

arminhachmer · Post by **arminhachmer** » Mon Oct 17, 2011 6:27 pm

"When you come to a fork in the road, take it"
Yogi Berra in directing friends to his house at the end of a loop.

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