I'm not fitting in at my college

djwesp · Post by **djwesp** » Fri Oct 06, 2006 4:32 pm

I've been in a similar situation. In arkansas, suprisingly.

PM me and we can talk about it.

circusboy · Post by **circusboy** » Fri Oct 06, 2006 6:47 pm

What do you guys think?

I think it's sad--and disgraceful.

I'd LIKE to think that music is one place that sort of thing doesn't happen.

So, what do you do?

Play so well that they all become amazed by your talent and blind to your race, since they do seem to care about that sort of thing.

Get out of Arkansas. In fact, get out of the South. And while you're at it, get out of the whole middle of the country, too. I really doubt that you'd run into such situations in the Northeast or Pacific Coast.

Good luck to you. I sincerely hope you'll find a time and place where you don't have to put up with other people's small minds.

SplatterTone · Post by **SplatterTone** » Fri Oct 06, 2006 7:34 pm

People tend to congregate with other people that are perceived to have common interests. Usually (I think) there are no anti feelings against other people. For example, I have no wealthy friends. I doubt this is because wealthy people dislike me or find me repulsive

; rather, it's that nobody feels inclined to exert the effort to bridge the cultural differences. Most people like to be where they are comfortable, and that is usually within one's own group. There is no intent to avoid those outside one's group. But, unless a person makes a deliberate effort to associate with other groups, the association doesn't happen.

I'm sure a psych expert can go into all kinds of detail for you and give it a name. Maybe something like "interpersonal laziness". And I'm about as lazy as they come.

thedeep42 · Post by **thedeep42** » Fri Oct 06, 2006 8:15 pm

i know how that can be, especially with a new school (if that's the case) and all.. there's been some really good advice on this page. i do see myself as a fairly outgoing genial person, but it takes me some time in larger groups of people, especially when they all have known each other for a long time. i play in a couple bands right now, and i've talked to nowhere near the whole membership (and they're not that big!) after a month i finally introduced myself to the string bass and euph player, both less than a person away... i mainly get there to do music and i don't always know what to say to people "well er, how's about that music!? wowzers it's cold outside! No, this is an F tuba. It plays higher than most." it's been way slower now than during my college years, but i have made some good friends in different areas. it takes some time, wait it out. as for racial awareness, though caucasian i have been a minority in quite a few settings... it can be hard to deal with sometimes when you're alone and it's going to be there to some extent in most places. people form groups and it happens anywhere people interract, no matter how PC we all claim to be. in time you will find your niche and some friends, but for now, be genial, open, and genuine and someone will take a shine to it

all the best.

SplatterTone · Post by **SplatterTone** » Fri Oct 06, 2006 8:43 pm

Sorry. I got to pay more attention to these things.

SplatterTone · Post by **SplatterTone** » Fri Oct 06, 2006 8:49 pm

YOUR KEY TO ACCEPTANCE. GUARANTEED!

patentnonsense · Post by **patentnonsense** » Fri Oct 06, 2006 8:56 pm

Myself, I think that homogeneous environments are bad, and being the sole exception is doubly bad. Being different from the majority can be good, but you need to have some "home base" of personal support.

Whatever you do, good luck and grace go with you!

Mark · Post by **Mark** » Fri Oct 06, 2006 9:26 pm

SplatterTone wrote:YOUR KEY TO ACCEPTANCE. GUARANTEED!

Or a future stay in rehab.

SplatterTone · Post by **SplatterTone** » Fri Oct 06, 2006 9:42 pm

Or a future stay in rehab.

... where they accept and love everyone.

windshieldbug · Post by **windshieldbug** » Fri Oct 06, 2006 9:57 pm

SplatterTone wrote:I have no wealthy friends. I doubt this is because wealthy people dislike me or find me repulsive

My wealthy friends tell me that they are very repulsed and dislike you immensely...

-------------------------

I'd make sure that it is small-mindedness that is causing your discomfort. If you find yourself outside looking in, it may be because they are mindful of the obvious difference, are afraid of reaching out socially, and don't have the experience of expanding their cultural experience in the midwest.

tubafatness · Post by **tubafatness** » Fri Oct 06, 2006 9:59 pm

I can understand where this frustration might come from. I have a similar problem, although not one that is racial in nature. I, for the most part, am the only active fan of classical and other similar forms of music at my school. While this may not seem too harsh, it helps to bear in mind that every single day I have to listen to the wonderful, dulcet tones of blaring, bass-heavy rap music, (and not even good rap, all the bad new stuff,) blaring from cars with rattling rivets. Also, I am only one of three or four instrumentalists in the entire band program who really take their instruments seriously. I decided long ago that music was the one and only thing that I was really, really interested in, and, because of my surroundings, have very little opportunity to indulge in this interst, other than a few outlets. So, what did I do to solve this problem? Well, to be honest, not much. Some things you just can't change. I have decided to not let this relatively negative atmosphere dampen my enthusiasm for music. If you just keep your interests near to you most or all of the time, you can learn to live with what may set you apart from most other people you know. And always remember that there may be some place better, and that you may find that place some day.
Hope this semi-coherent rant helps,
Aaron Hynds

P.S., On a lighter, I'm also set apart from most at my school by the fact that I'm the only guy with a hair length in excess of two feet. What happened to all of the long-hairs?

SplatterTone · Post by **SplatterTone** » Fri Oct 06, 2006 10:06 pm

My wealthy friends tell me that they are very repulsed and dislike you immensely...

I fart in your general direction.

TubaRay · Post by **TubaRay** » Fri Oct 06, 2006 11:10 pm

schlepporello wrote:Don't worry so much about trying to make friends. Now don't get me wrong. Don't try to be anti-social yourself by any means, just don't go all-out on trying to make friends. Concentrate on doing the task at hand to the very best of your ability and let THAT speak on your behalf. Don't give the other anti-social clowns a reason to say you're no good. If you do well and win admiration for having done well then you will have the friendship of those who admire you. If they don't, then you will at least have the satisfaction of knowing that you have given them no reason to be the way they are towards you.

Absolutely excellent advice.

djwesp · Post by **djwesp** » Fri Oct 06, 2006 11:43 pm

knuxie wrote: The fact it is a small school, and pretty small department can make for some edginess amongst fellow students.

Hmmmm....

Over 12,000 students... it isn't exactly a small school...

P.S.- The department is small for a reason.

Arkietuba · Post by **Arkietuba** » Sat Oct 07, 2006 5:20 pm

Hey, I go to school with this guy...he's a good guy, I don't see how he thinks that people don't like him....everyone I talk to says that he's a cool guy and they like him. He doesn't have to act different...I don't think he acts differently around me than how he usually acts. I thinks he's just used to being around a lot of people that grew up in the same areas as he did, like me. But, at UCA you have a lot of people from small towns...but that's what I like...everyone that's my friend has had a different life from what I had. Plus, if he joined Phi Mu Alpha...I think he would change his mind...I used to think like he did until I pledged my freshman year...it was the best decision of my life...I'm so much more happier now than ever. Plus, this guy is a bad *** tuba player and Dr. Young is great with developing talent.

djwesp · Post by **djwesp** » Sat Oct 07, 2006 6:03 pm

Arkietuba wrote:Plus, if he joined Phi Mu Alpha...I think he would change his mind...I used to think like he did until I pledged my freshman year...it was the best decision of my life...I'm so much more happier now than ever.

I don't think you should have to join a fraternity to fit in at any school. However, the Phi Mu Alpha guys at UCA are awesome.

Arkietuba wrote:Plus, this guy is a bad *** tuba player and Dr. Young is great with developing talent.

Who, of note, has studied under Dr. Young?

Arkietuba · Post by **Arkietuba** » Sat Oct 07, 2006 8:00 pm

djwesp wrote:
Arkietuba wrote:Plus, if he joined Phi Mu Alpha...I think he would change his mind...I used to think like he did until I pledged my freshman year...it was the best decision of my life...I'm so much more happier now than ever.

I don't think you should have to join a fraternity to fit in at any school. However, the Phi Mu Alpha guys at UCA are awesome.

Arkietuba wrote:Plus, this guy is a bad *** tuba player and Dr. Young is great with developing talent.

Who, of note, has studied under Dr. Young?

I understand that you don't have to join a frat in order to fit in, but he has expressed interest in Sinfonia and he is going through the same things I went through as a freshman.

As for who has studied under Dr. Young...while yes, no one famous has come out of UCA as a tuba player (mainly saxophones come from UCA)...but, I've been told by Brain Bowman that I'm a virtuoso, Hank Feldman basically said the same thing...keep in mind that Dr. Young has only been here a few years and he's just now getting tuba music majors, I was the first one (there was one other, but he never practiced and dropped out a little later). Now we have about 6 tuba music majors, me and this guy are the two best here.

iiipopes · Post by **iiipopes** » Sat Oct 07, 2006 8:32 pm

Phi Mu Alpha is more of an organization than a fraternity. Just as lawyers join the ABA and doctors the AMA, and businessmen Rotary or some other civic improvement organization, college musicians should join their local chapter of PMA.

scouterbill · Post by **scouterbill** » Sat Oct 07, 2006 11:56 pm

circusboy wrote:
I think it's sad--and disgraceful...Get out of Arkansas. In fact, get out of the South.

Spoken like a true Klansman. You should be proud of yourself.

There is prejudice everywhere. It isn't always racial. It may be against where you are from (the south?), or your religion (Christianity sure seems to be taking it on both cheeks lately).
Make the most of where you are. Be up to the challenge.
Don't let small minds steal your dreams.
Bill (tired of being painted with the racist brush just because I live in the south) Yeckley

quinterbourne · Post by **quinterbourne** » Sun Oct 08, 2006 12:29 am

I never fit in too well when I went to highschool, and there were no racial elements to my situation. Perhaps your situation has nothing at all to do with race? As other people said - don't be an idiot, be a good player, be humble and be a generally nice person (don't be arrogant or overly competitive). People will respect you for that. I, personally, think it's more important to have respect from my peers than for me to be "popular."