All those Bubba jokes got me to rermeber a funny TRUE story. About 6 years ago when I lived in Nashville, TN I was listening to one of those morning radio shows.
A very country (read redneck) lady calls in to the D.J. After about a minute, the D.J very seriously asks the woman if she knows Bubba. She freaks out, screaming, 'Oh my God, I can't believe you know Bubba!" and continues believing that the D.J. actually knows some friend / relative of hers called Bubba.
G & PG-13 jokes
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Be kind. No government, state, or local politics allowed. Admin has final decision for any/all removed posts.
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MartyNeilan
- 6 valves
- Posts: 4876
- Joined: Fri Mar 19, 2004 3:06 am
- Location: Practicing counting rests.
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phoenix
- 3 valves
- Posts: 363
- Joined: Thu Apr 01, 2004 9:27 pm
- Location: Lansdale, PA
So...
A blond is walking along the street when she comes across a banana peel. Upon seeing this banana, she says, "Oh no, not this again..."
A blonde, a brunette, and a red head go onto a farm and when the farmer comes around, they hide. The red head hides with the cows and when the farmer comes in there and asks if anyone is in there, she says "Mooooo..." The brunette hides with the pigs and when the farmer comes she says "Oink..." The blonde hides in a potato field and when the farmer asks if anyone is in the potato field, the blonde says "Po-ta-to, Po-ta-to..."
A blond is walking along the street when she comes across a banana peel. Upon seeing this banana, she says, "Oh no, not this again..."
A blonde, a brunette, and a red head go onto a farm and when the farmer comes around, they hide. The red head hides with the cows and when the farmer comes in there and asks if anyone is in there, she says "Mooooo..." The brunette hides with the pigs and when the farmer comes she says "Oink..." The blonde hides in a potato field and when the farmer asks if anyone is in the potato field, the blonde says "Po-ta-to, Po-ta-to..."
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Leland
- pro musician
- Posts: 1651
- Joined: Fri Mar 19, 2004 11:54 am
- Location: Washington, DC
Here's a knock-knock joke that really doesn't work when it's written out, but hopefully you can use it at rehearsal or something:
"Knock knock"
"Who's there?"
"Control freak - now this is where you say, 'Control feak who?'."
Okay, okay... one more..
"knock knock"
"who's there?"
"The impatient cow."
"The impatient c..."
"MOO!"
"Knock knock"
"Who's there?"
"Control freak - now this is where you say, 'Control feak who?'."
Okay, okay... one more..
"knock knock"
"who's there?"
"The impatient cow."
"The impatient c..."
"MOO!"
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CJ Krause
- 4 valves
- Posts: 899
- Joined: Fri Mar 19, 2004 1:39 am
- Location: NW Dallas
- Contact:
I like that one Doc.
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Rick Denney
- Resident Genius
- Posts: 6650
- Joined: Mon Mar 22, 2004 1:18 am
- Contact:
Sing along if you know the tune:
A top executive in a New York financial company has been jostling through city crowds so long that he's worn out. He's gotten to the point where he dreams of a retirement away from all these stupid people! Finally, that day arrives, and he leaves his wife in the city while he spends his retirement stash building a house on the edge of a mesa in Southern Utah, where his nearest neighbor is 60 miles away.
After about two months, he was sitting on his new front porch, gazing out on the horizon, and he saw a plume of dust. He watched it all that day and the next two days, as it slowly worked its way across the floor of the valley. Finally, on the fourth day, a gaunt old man rode up on a horse, with an infested bushy beard and a swarm of trail flies on his heels. The stranger said, "Welcome, neighbor! I saw you a-buildin' your house, and thought I'd come over and say hello. And I'd like to invite you to a little get-together I'm having over at my house on the other side of the valley next week."
Despite his first impression of the man, the retired executive responded, "I'm happy to meet you! I moved out here to get away from all those people, but to tell you the truth, I'm a bit lonely without my wife and a party would be a welcome event. What do you folks around here do at your parties?"
The stranger replied, "Well, parties around here are a lot like parties anywhere, I expect. There'll be a little drinkin', and some dancin', and probably a fight or two, and definitely some lovin'."
The retiree says, "Hey, that sounds like fun! What should I wear?"
The stranger responds, "It don't matter; out here in the country we don't worry much about that sort of thing."
The retiree had been too long in the city, though, and too long in high society where the success of a social event could hinge on being properly dressed. So, he fished for particulars, "Do folks wear jeans to these things? Or slacks?"
The stranger said, "Well, it don't matter--you can come just as you are I expect."
But the retiree just could not wrap his mind around the notion that clothes were unimportant at a party, so he pressed the point, "I'm new around here and want to make a good impression. Would a sport coat be too pretentious?"
Exasperated, the crusty neighbor said, "IT JUST DON'T MATTER, I TELL YE! IT'S JUST GONNA BE THE TWO OF US."
Rick "with deepest apologies, and wondering if Ray remembers this one" Denney
A top executive in a New York financial company has been jostling through city crowds so long that he's worn out. He's gotten to the point where he dreams of a retirement away from all these stupid people! Finally, that day arrives, and he leaves his wife in the city while he spends his retirement stash building a house on the edge of a mesa in Southern Utah, where his nearest neighbor is 60 miles away.
After about two months, he was sitting on his new front porch, gazing out on the horizon, and he saw a plume of dust. He watched it all that day and the next two days, as it slowly worked its way across the floor of the valley. Finally, on the fourth day, a gaunt old man rode up on a horse, with an infested bushy beard and a swarm of trail flies on his heels. The stranger said, "Welcome, neighbor! I saw you a-buildin' your house, and thought I'd come over and say hello. And I'd like to invite you to a little get-together I'm having over at my house on the other side of the valley next week."
Despite his first impression of the man, the retired executive responded, "I'm happy to meet you! I moved out here to get away from all those people, but to tell you the truth, I'm a bit lonely without my wife and a party would be a welcome event. What do you folks around here do at your parties?"
The stranger replied, "Well, parties around here are a lot like parties anywhere, I expect. There'll be a little drinkin', and some dancin', and probably a fight or two, and definitely some lovin'."
The retiree says, "Hey, that sounds like fun! What should I wear?"
The stranger responds, "It don't matter; out here in the country we don't worry much about that sort of thing."
The retiree had been too long in the city, though, and too long in high society where the success of a social event could hinge on being properly dressed. So, he fished for particulars, "Do folks wear jeans to these things? Or slacks?"
The stranger said, "Well, it don't matter--you can come just as you are I expect."
But the retiree just could not wrap his mind around the notion that clothes were unimportant at a party, so he pressed the point, "I'm new around here and want to make a good impression. Would a sport coat be too pretentious?"
Exasperated, the crusty neighbor said, "IT JUST DON'T MATTER, I TELL YE! IT'S JUST GONNA BE THE TWO OF US."
Rick "with deepest apologies, and wondering if Ray remembers this one" Denney
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CJ Krause
- 4 valves
- Posts: 899
- Joined: Fri Mar 19, 2004 1:39 am
- Location: NW Dallas
- Contact:
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Doug@GT
- 4 valves
- Posts: 810
- Joined: Fri Mar 19, 2004 12:05 am
- Location: Athens, Ga
A father had three very active boys.
One summer evening, he was playing cops and robbers in the back yard after dinner.
One of the boys "shot" his father and yelled, "Bang! You're dead!"
He slumped to the ground and when he didn't get up right away, a neighbor ran over to see if he had been hurt in the fall.
When the neighbor bent over, the overworked father opened one eye and said,
"Shhh. Don't give me away. It's the only chance I've had to rest all day."
One summer evening, he was playing cops and robbers in the back yard after dinner.
One of the boys "shot" his father and yelled, "Bang! You're dead!"
He slumped to the ground and when he didn't get up right away, a neighbor ran over to see if he had been hurt in the fall.
When the neighbor bent over, the overworked father opened one eye and said,
"Shhh. Don't give me away. It's the only chance I've had to rest all day."
"It is terrible to contemplate how few politicians are hanged."
~G.K. Chesterton
~G.K. Chesterton
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Matt G
- 5 valves
- Posts: 1196
- Joined: Fri Mar 19, 2004 9:24 am
- Location: Quahog, RI
A freshman female music student is in her first semester of college. Her parents were very protective of her while at home, so she is hoping to spread her wings a little. Well, she decides to date a few guys insie of the music department just out of convenience. Her roomate says this is a good idea and she would like to hear about her progress.
Well, being that trumpet players are normally a bit more agressive, she dates a trumpet player first. Well at the end of the date they decide to kiss, which is her deciding criteria. She returns home and her roomate asks how it went. The freshman say that everything went ok, but the trumpet player had a very tight kiss. It was very uncomfortable and his lips were too hard.
She moves on from the trumpet player and decides to date a tuba player. Well she decides to kiss him at the end of the night. After returning back to her dorm, she reports that the date went ok, but the tuba playes lips were all over the place and that her face was covered with slobber buy the end of the kiss. It was a little gross for her.
Finally she is at her wit's end with brass players. Seeing as trombone players just seem too nerdy, she decides to date a french horn player. Again the date goes fine. They decide to kiss at the end of the date. She returns back to her dorm room. Her roomate again asks for a report to which whe replies:
He was a really good kisser and quite polite. The only problem is that when he did kiss me, he tried to shove his hand up my a$$!
Well, being that trumpet players are normally a bit more agressive, she dates a trumpet player first. Well at the end of the date they decide to kiss, which is her deciding criteria. She returns home and her roomate asks how it went. The freshman say that everything went ok, but the trumpet player had a very tight kiss. It was very uncomfortable and his lips were too hard.
She moves on from the trumpet player and decides to date a tuba player. Well she decides to kiss him at the end of the night. After returning back to her dorm, she reports that the date went ok, but the tuba playes lips were all over the place and that her face was covered with slobber buy the end of the kiss. It was a little gross for her.
Finally she is at her wit's end with brass players. Seeing as trombone players just seem too nerdy, she decides to date a french horn player. Again the date goes fine. They decide to kiss at the end of the date. She returns back to her dorm room. Her roomate again asks for a report to which whe replies:
He was a really good kisser and quite polite. The only problem is that when he did kiss me, he tried to shove his hand up my a$$!
Dillon/Walters CC
Meinl Weston 2165
Meinl Weston 2165
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CJ Krause
- 4 valves
- Posts: 899
- Joined: Fri Mar 19, 2004 1:39 am
- Location: NW Dallas
- Contact:
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TMurphy
- 4 valves
- Posts: 831
- Joined: Sun Mar 21, 2004 11:29 pm
- Location: NJ
Little Johnny is sitting on a park bench, with a bag of candy bars. As he sits there, merrily eating his candy, an old man walks by and stops him. "You know son," the old man says, "You shouldn't eat like that. You should take care of yourself and eat healthy now, so that you can leave to a nice, old age."
Johnny looks as the man and says, "That's funny...my grandfather lived to be 105."
The old man, stunned, replies, "By eatling lots of candy bars???"
"No," Johnny said, "by minding his own #&%&*^@ business!!!"
Johnny looks as the man and says, "That's funny...my grandfather lived to be 105."
The old man, stunned, replies, "By eatling lots of candy bars???"
"No," Johnny said, "by minding his own #&%&*^@ business!!!"
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Doug@GT
- 4 valves
- Posts: 810
- Joined: Fri Mar 19, 2004 12:05 am
- Location: Athens, Ga
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Doug@GT
- 4 valves
- Posts: 810
- Joined: Fri Mar 19, 2004 12:05 am
- Location: Athens, Ga
A man is softly playing the piano one night in a downtown bar.
In walks an elephant, sits down by the piano and while listening begins to cry.
"There, there", says the pianist, "do you recognize the song?"
"Oh no", said the elephant, "I recognize the white keys".
In walks an elephant, sits down by the piano and while listening begins to cry.
"There, there", says the pianist, "do you recognize the song?"
"Oh no", said the elephant, "I recognize the white keys".
"It is terrible to contemplate how few politicians are hanged."
~G.K. Chesterton
~G.K. Chesterton
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Jeremy K.
- bugler
- Posts: 47
- Joined: Tue Mar 23, 2004 11:25 pm
- Location: Near St. Louis, MO
There are three band directors in an elevator at a national music convention. As they are riding this elevator, it stops on one of the floors and a drop-dead gorgeous woman gets on the elevator.
The doors close, and the three band directors and the lady are standing there awkwardly. Finally she turns around, looks all three of them up and down, and says, "Would any of you like a head job?"
They all three kind of look at each other uncomfortably, and one of them blurts out, "I don't know, does it involve marching band?"
The doors close, and the three band directors and the lady are standing there awkwardly. Finally she turns around, looks all three of them up and down, and says, "Would any of you like a head job?"
They all three kind of look at each other uncomfortably, and one of them blurts out, "I don't know, does it involve marching band?"
Jeremy Knudtson
"Well broccoli, mother says you're good for me, but I'm no good for you!!!"
"Well broccoli, mother says you're good for me, but I'm no good for you!!!"
