Trouble at mill!

windshieldbug · Post by **windshieldbug** » Sat Dec 22, 2007 11:01 pm

Now two boys have been found rubbing linseed oil into the school cormorant. Now some of you may feel that the cormorant does not play an important part in the life of the school, but I would remind you that it was presented to us by the corporation of the Town of Sudbury to commemorate Empire Day, when we try to remember the names of all those from the Sudbury area who so gallantly gave their lives to keep China British. So from now on, the cormorant is strictly OUT OF BOUNDS. Oh and Jenkins? Apparently your mother died this morning. Chaplain?

MartyNeilan · Post by **MartyNeilan** » Sun Dec 23, 2007 10:10 am

Father: Mr Shabby... I just want to make sure that you'll be able to look after daughter...

Shabby: Oh yeah, yeah. I'll be able to look after 'er all right sport, eh, know what I mean, eh emggh!

Father: And, er, what job do you do?

Shabby: I clean out public lavatories.

Father: Is there promotion involved?

Shabby: Oh yeah, yeah. (produces handkerchief and cleans throat horribly into it) After five years they give me a brush ... eurggha eurgh ... I'm sorry squire, I've gobbed on your carpet...

OldsRecording · Post by **OldsRecording** » Sun Dec 23, 2007 10:48 am

ken k wrote:
OldsRecording wrote:
lgb&dtuba wrote: I'll have two, please.
Gannet on a stick.
crunchy frog?

If we took all the bones out it wouldn't be crunchy now would it???

Paleface like eat chocolate? Mmmmm...crunchy frog...heap good.

windshieldbug · Post by **windshieldbug** » Sun Dec 23, 2007 10:54 am

What's this one, 'spring surprise'?

Ah - now, that's our speciality - covered with darkest creamy chocolate. When you pop it in your mouth steel bolts spring out and plunge straight through-both cheeks.

jbaylies · Post by **jbaylies** » Sun Dec 23, 2007 11:19 am

OldsRecording wrote:
ken k wrote:
OldsRecording wrote: Gannet on a stick.
crunchy frog?

If we took all the bones out it wouldn't be crunchy now would it???
Paleface like eat chocolate? Mmmmm...crunchy frog...heap good.

What we need is a few good taters.

ken k · Post by **ken k** » Sun Dec 23, 2007 7:54 pm

MY BRAIN HUUURTS!!!!

Kevin Hendrick · Post by **Kevin Hendrick** » Sun Dec 23, 2007 9:34 pm

ken k wrote:MY BRAIN HUUURTS!!!!

Ohhhh ... it will have to come out!!

jbaylies · Post by **jbaylies** » Sun Dec 23, 2007 10:18 pm

Kevin Hendrick wrote:
ken k wrote:MY BRAIN HUUURTS!!!!
Ohhhh ... it will have to come out!!

BRAIN!!!

Chuck Jackson · Post by **Chuck Jackson** » Mon Dec 24, 2007 1:02 am

"What do you think about sex on the telly?"

"I don't know, I keep falling off"

MartyNeilan · Post by **MartyNeilan** » Mon Dec 24, 2007 9:24 am

"There's a man at the door with a mustache."

"Tell him I've already got one."

OldsRecording · Post by **OldsRecording** » Mon Dec 24, 2007 9:36 am

Well, speaking as a man in the street...AAAAAAHGGGG!

windshieldbug · Post by **windshieldbug** » Mon Dec 24, 2007 10:38 am

...I see. Well, of course, this is just the sort of blinkered philistine pig-ignorance I've come to expect from you non-creative garbage. You sit there on your loathsome spotty behinds squeezing blackheads, not caring a tinker's cuss for the struggling artist. You excrement, you whining hypocritical toadies with your colour TV sets and your Tony Jacklin golf clubs and your bleeding masonic secret handshakes. You wouldn't let me join, would you, you blackballing bastards. Well I wouldn't become a Freemason now if you went down on your lousy stinking knees and begged me.

MartyNeilan · Post by **MartyNeilan** » Mon Dec 24, 2007 11:04 am

Are you proposing we slaughter our tenants??

windshieldbug · Post by **windshieldbug** » Mon Dec 24, 2007 11:13 am

...Does that not fit in with your plans?

MartyNeilan · Post by **MartyNeilan** » Mon Dec 24, 2007 1:00 pm

Oh, I see. I hadn't correctly divined your attitude towards your tenants. You see I mainly design slaughter houses. Yes, pity. Mind you, this is a real beaut. I mean, none of your blood caked on the walls and flesh flying out of the windows, inconveniencing the passers-by with this one. I mean, my life has been building up to this.

windshieldbug · Post by **windshieldbug** » Mon Dec 24, 2007 1:13 pm

Ariel Feeley: Tyrone Green! You were published in the Rockland Prison Poetry Quarterly. I know your work by heart! Dark and lonely on a Summer's night. Kill my landlord. Kill my landlord. The watchdog barking, do he bite? Kill my landlord. Kill my landlord.

Together: C-I-L-L my landlord.

Tyrone Green: Damn, that still holds up.

Brassdad · Post by **Brassdad** » Tue Dec 25, 2007 6:54 pm

C'mon luv, Drop 'em!

MartyNeilan · Post by **MartyNeilan** » Wed Dec 26, 2007 10:48 am

You haven't asked me about Limberger, sir.

ken k · Post by **ken k** » Wed Dec 26, 2007 7:39 pm

Do you , in fact, have any cheese whatsoever, (he asks knowingly...)
ken (or something like that.....) k

Brassdad · Post by **Brassdad** » Wed Dec 26, 2007 9:43 pm

I just spent four hours burrying the cat.