Trouble at mill!

windshieldbug · Post by **windshieldbug** » Fri Dec 28, 2007 11:14 pm

This year, this remote Himalayan mountain, this mystical temple, surrounded by the most difficult terrain in the world, repulsed yet another attempt to conquer it. This time, by the International Hairdresser's Expedition.

OldsRecording · Post by **OldsRecording** » Sat Dec 29, 2007 7:29 am

Here's your cat.

No, that's a terrier.

I'll tell you what. I'll file these legs down a bit, stick some wires through its cheeks...

No, it still isn't a proper cat. It wouldn't 'meow'.

Well, it would howl a bit.

jbaylies · Post by **jbaylies** » Sat Dec 29, 2007 11:29 am

euphoniumguy227 wrote: cant believe this has not come up or the ministry of silly walks

windshieldbug · Post by **windshieldbug** » Sat Dec 29, 2007 11:37 am

My theory by A. Elk. Brackets Miss, brackets.
This theory goes as follows and begins now.
All brontosauruses are thin at one end, much thicker in the middle and then thin again at the far end. That is my theory, it is mine, and belongs to me and I own it, and what it is too.

OldsRecording · Post by **OldsRecording** » Sat Dec 29, 2007 2:56 pm

windshieldbug wrote:My theory by A. Elk. Brackets Miss, brackets.
This theory goes as follows and begins now.
All brontosauruses are thin at one end, much thicker in the middle and then thin again at the far end. That is my theory, it is mine, and belongs to me and I own it, and what it is too.

Here is my next guest, an elk. Sorry, Anne Elk. Mrs. Anne Elk.

Miss.

Sorry. Miss Anne Elk.

Brassdad · Post by **Brassdad** » Sun Dec 30, 2007 12:20 pm

The BBC would like 'to announce that the next scene is not considered suitable for family viewing. It contains scenes of violence, involving people's heads and arms getting chopped off, their ears nailed to trees, and their toenails pulled out in slow motion. There are also scenes of naked women with floppy breasts, and also at one point you can see a pair of buttocks and there's another bit where I'll swear you can see everything, but my friend says it's just the way he's holding the spear.
Because of the unsuitability of the scene, the BBC will be replacing it with a scene from a repeat of 'Gardening Club' for 1958.

Brassdad · Post by **Brassdad** » Sun Dec 30, 2007 12:22 pm

What's brown and sounds like a bell?

windshieldbug · Post by **windshieldbug** » Sun Dec 30, 2007 12:24 pm

There is nothing quite as wonderful as money!
There is nothing like a newly minted pound!
Everyone must hanker for the butchness of a banker,
It's accountancy that makes the world go round!

You can keep your Marxist ways,
for it's only just a phase...
Money, money, money makes the world go round!

Brassdad · Post by **Brassdad** » Sun Dec 30, 2007 12:28 pm

DINSDALE!!!!!!

OldsRecording · Post by **OldsRecording** » Sun Dec 30, 2007 3:56 pm

Brassdad wrote:What's brown and sounds like a bell?

DUNNNNNNNG!

windshieldbug · Post by **windshieldbug** » Sun Dec 30, 2007 4:47 pm

Good evening. On 'Ethel the Frog' tonight we look at violence. The violence of British Gangland. Last Tuesday a reign of terror was ended when the notorious Piranha brothers, Doug and Dinsdale, after one of the most extraordinary trials in British legal history, were sentenced to four hundred years imprisonment for crimes of violence. Tonight Ethel the Frog examines the rise to power of the Piranhas, the methods they used to subjugate rival gangs and their subsequent tracking down and capture by the brilliant Superintendent Harry 'Snapper' Organs of Q Division. Doug and Dinsdale Pirenha were born, on probation, in this small house in Kipling Road, Southwark, the eldest sons in a family of sixteen. Their father Arthur Piranha, a scrap-metal dealer and TV quizmaster, was well known to the police, and a devout Catholic. In January 1928 he had married Kitty Malone, an up-and-coming Eastend boxer. Doug was bornin February 1929 and Dinsdale two weeks later; and again a week after that. Their next door neighbour was Mrs April Simnel.

Brassdad · Post by **Brassdad** » Mon Dec 31, 2007 9:15 am

euphoniumguy227 wrote:Don't forget their most devastating weapon.. sarcasm!!!!!

Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time!

OldsRecording · Post by **OldsRecording** » Mon Dec 31, 2007 10:12 am

windshieldbug wrote:Good evening. On 'Ethel the Frog' tonight we look at violence. The violence of British Gangland. Last Tuesday a reign of terror was ended when the notorious Piranha brothers, Doug and Dinsdale, after one of the most extraordinary trials in British legal history, were sentenced to four hundred years imprisonment for crimes of violence. Tonight Ethel the Frog examines the rise to power of the Piranhas, the methods they used to subjugate rival gangs and their subsequent tracking down and capture by the brilliant Superintendent Harry 'Snapper' Organs of Q Division. Doug and Dinsdale Pirenha were born, on probation, in this small house in Kipling Road, Southwark, the eldest sons in a family of sixteen. Their father Arthur Piranha, a scrap-metal dealer and TV quizmaster, was well known to the police, and a devout Catholic. In January 1928 he had married Kitty Malone, an up-and-coming Eastend boxer. Doug was bornin February 1929 and Dinsdale two weeks later; and again a week after that. Their next door neighbour was Mrs April Simnel.

Then, the Pirahna Brothers sarted an operation called 'The Operation', in which they selected a victim and threatened to beat him up if he payed them the so-called 'protection money. Then, they started the 'Other Operation' in which they threatened not to beat him up if he didn't pay them. After this, they hit upon 'The Other OTHER Operation' in which they threatened to beat up the victim if he didn't pay them. This, for the Pirahna Brothers, was the turning point.

MartyNeilan · Post by **MartyNeilan** » Mon Dec 31, 2007 10:33 am

After he nailed me head to the table, I used to go round every Sunday lunchtime to his flat and apologise, and then we'd shake hands and he'd nail me head to the floor. He was very reasonable. Once, one Sunday I told him my parents were coming round to tea and would he mind very much not nailing my head that week and he agreed and just screwed my pelvis to a cake stand.

windshieldbug · Post by **windshieldbug** » Mon Dec 31, 2007 11:58 am

Was there anything unusual about him?

I should say not. Except, that Dinsdale was convinced that he was being watched by a giant hedgehog whom he referred to as 'Spiny Norman'.

How big was Norman supposed to be?

Normally Spiny Norman was wont to be about twelve feet from snout to tail, but when Dinsdale was depressed Norman could be anything up to eight hundred yards long. When Norman was about Dinsdale would go very quiet and start wobbling and his nose would swell up and his teeth would move about and he'd get very violent and claim that he'd laid Stanley Baldwin.

MartyNeilan · Post by **MartyNeilan** » Mon Dec 31, 2007 5:21 pm

euphoniumguy227 wrote:Why didn't you call the police
well I realized the man with the tactile nuclear weapon was the chief of police.

I wish to report a burglary.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L57-vQvo34E

OldsRecording · Post by **OldsRecording** » Tue Jan 01, 2008 10:39 am

MartyNeilan wrote:
euphoniumguy227 wrote:Why didn't you call the police
well I realized the man with the tactile nuclear weapon was the chief of police.
I wish to report a burglary.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L57-vQvo34E

Sorry. Can't hear you. You'll have to use a higher pitch.

Brassdad · Post by **Brassdad** » Tue Jan 01, 2008 1:19 pm

Tell me, how do they put budgies down, then?

Well, it's funny you should ask that, because I've just been reading a great big book about how to put your budgie down, and apparently you can either hit them with the book, or you can shoot them just there, just above the beak.

OldsRecording · Post by **OldsRecording** » Tue Jan 01, 2008 3:38 pm

Brassdad wrote:Tell me, how do they put budgies down, then?

Well, it's funny you should ask that, because I've just been reading a great big book about how to put your budgie down, and apparently you can either hit them with the book, or you can shoot them just there, just above the beak.

Mrs. Essence flushed hers down the loo.

Brassdad · Post by **Brassdad** » Tue Jan 01, 2008 4:23 pm

OldsRecording wrote:
Brassdad wrote:Tell me, how do they put budgies down, then?

Well, it's funny you should ask that, because I've just been reading a great big book about how to put your budgie down, and apparently you can either hit them with the book, or you can shoot them just there, just above the beak.
Mrs. Essence flushed hers down the loo.

Ooooooooo, You don't want to do that. They breed in the sewers!