Hilarious/Scary/Bizarre Audition Stories?

[jbaylies]

Saw a thread like this on a bassist forum and thought it would be enjoyable to start one here. Any stories about Hilarious/Scary/Bizarre Auditions are welcome! Here's mine:

Today I had an audition for NYSO in which the brass players warmed up in a preschool classroom. After I finished the audition I walked back to the room to put my tuba away and noticed that the room was filled with sax players, and they were all staring at me. Not one made a sound, and as I put the tuba in its case I could feel their eyes on me. I carried my tuba out of the room, and left in silence. It was so awkward! *shudder*

That's the best I can do, let the auditions begin!

[windshieldbug]

When I auditioned for Delaware, I went in for my turn, and found out this was NOT a screened audition. No big deal. I thought.

Then they asked me to play the first excerpt, which if memory serves, was "The Bear". Not on the list. Well, I thought, they're getting the sight-reading out of the way first. I can deal with that. Took my time.

Second was Berlioz Cellini. Again, not on the list. Ok, I thought, still more. But I can deal. Took my time again.

Then 'Till. Committee is getting agitated. I ask for a tempo. The music director growls, "You know!". I bluff my way through.

And so it goes. Not a single excerpt on he list. On my way out, I grumble to the proctor, "Who ever heard of an audition solely of sight reading!?"

The music director explodes, "You mean you were sight reading!? What do you take us for???"

I explain that the personnel manager sent me an entirely different list.
And the ride home is miserable.

Then I get the call. I got the gig. The committee was so impressed with the way I had played things I HADN'T prepared, they thought I might do an OK job if I actually knew what stuff I was going to play...

[tubatooter1940]

After two years on the road with a rock/show band that was turning to disco, I yearned to find some music work close to home. My kids were in high school and I was missing a lot of good stuff.
On my one day home I got a call to substitute for the son of a band leader at a fine hotel three miles from my house. They needed a man to play string bass in a legit pop band and solo on trumpet. I taped the finger tips on my right hand because I had no callouses - having played electric rhythm for years - using a pick.
I loved it. Playing a big Kay bass was a hoot and trumpet solos were no problem in those days. I was told I could replace the pianists son when he left town in four weeks.
Super! I gave four weeks notice to the road band.
Three weeks later, having my replacement musician for the road band 90% trained, I stopped by the hotel to see everybody and assure them I would report for work in one more week. The leader announced that his son's wife had been unexpectedly offered a new teaching contract here in town and his son will not be leaving.
I hooked up with three players from the first version of a band called "Wet Willie" and booked us out on the road. I didn't find more work at home for another year.

[Alex C]

Hate to relive this but...

One of my first auditions was for a metro level orchestra. After warming up, I went into the audition room and the committee was seated aroung the perimeter of the the room with the candidate back against one wall. OK, everybody has the same conditions, but that's kind of weird.

They asked me to play the first excerpt, which was something common like the Ride, but there was no music on the stand. So I played it. They asked for something else and I played it. When they asked for the third excerpt I told them that I didn't feel comfortable playing it without music. They were surprised to find out that the previous auditioner had taken the music, so somebody went and retrived it. I must have scored big points by that time. After the music was on my stand, I played that excerpt well.

They asked for the Mahler 1 solo. I cratered, totally. I don't know why, I had played the bejeebers out of it in the practice room. In the audition, I was able to acheive a fine French vibrato and also managed to chip the first note in almost every measure. Combined with the newly created intonation problems that I manifested, my place in the audition was assured.

I realized that I was toast and went for broke on the other excerpts, didn't hold anything back. The the next three or four excerpts sounded great and then they asked for the V-W, which I nailed. When I finished, one of the committe members smiled at me and said, "Wouldn't you like to play the Mahler for us again?"

YES! I was going to get a chance to recover! Everybody on the committee smiled and nodded in agreement. The gig was mine for sure.

I picked up my horn and proceeded to play the Mahler EXACTLY like I had before.

It took me years to get over the trauma of that moment. It was more than twenty years before I could play the excerpt well in an audition. So weird.

[David Zerkel]

This story is too funny not to share...

When I was in the Army Band and Mike Dunn was still in DC (probably early 90's), we were both hitting the audition trail pretty heavily. An audition came up in San Antonio, so Mike and I figured we'd save some money and split a hotel room. We took the same flight from DC, caught a cab and headed toward the suggested hotel that gave a break to the Symphony.

We checked in and Mike said that if I wanted to warm up/practice first, he had some phone calls he needed to make from the lobby. I said that that would be cool, and Mike said that he'd be back in an hour or so. So I played some Rochuts and blew the list down. I could hear that there were some other people playing in their rooms, so I thought nothing of it.

After about an hour, there is a knock on the door. I thought "Oh crap, someone is complaining" and opened the door. There stands Mike with a big pie-eating grin on his face. I asked him if he forgot his key and he just smiled and pointed down to the ground, where there was a nice heaping pile of human feces on a paper towel with a thoughtful note that read "Your tuba playing is for S****!".

Knowing Mike as well as I do, I said something like "Awww.... you shouldn't have!", but he swears up and down on a stack of Bibles that he has nothing to do with it.

To this day, I still have a short list of tuba players in my mind who are either funny enough/sick enough to pull this off, and like OJ, I will not rest until I find the culprit!

As a psych job, it failed. But as a funny story (that's much funnier with beer), it always brings a smile to my face!

Dave "who subsequently rarely stayed at the suggested hotel" Zerkel

[J.c. Sherman]

Kind of embarrasing...

Played an audition for 2nd bone for a local orchestra. They had published the list, detailed down to the editions and the rehearsal numbers. Somewhat weird.

2nd bone on the Ride is a little weird, changing octaves all over the place, and different editions move the cleffs to different places. We get to the ride, I'm using their music, and we flip to the ride. DIfferent edition, rehearsal numbers moved, and cleffs all screwed up. I question the proctor, I'm told to play what's there. I'm undone.

Leaving; ask the Proctor WTF! She is puzzled, but decides to talk to the committee (%$#@ no!!!). They called it a "valid audition". Oye. Later auditioned on bass bone as well, and that went well, though I didn't get the gig, I was satisfied with my playing.

However, though a blind audition, the word got out, with my name attached to it. Which means my bass audtion was probably not anonymous. And the story that got around (to a student, no less!) portrayed me as a tempermental wuss.

Well... There went that gig... Lesson? Use your own music, double check that the list is NOT changed (they did publish it differently for the later applicants - I was first, and the one listed on the web was later "corrected". And leave that orchestra alone!

J.c.S.

[ubq]

In 1996 I auditioned for the Wiener Staatsoper (Vienna Philharmonic).
It was my first big audition so in a way I was much more curious how it all works - than well prepared. The first - and last at the same time - round was for the Contrabass Tuba in BB.
I didnt play as well as I could - however they liked my Walkure - but the point is, that there were a lot of very-very good players, professionals from all over the world AND I was very much surprised that after the FIRST round the audition was finished due to rhytmical and intonation imperfections of the particpants (at least so the commitee said it....) I dont want to go now into the explaining of the REAL cause of the finishing - its crazy believe me !!! - but I think the commitee wasnt fair at all. (Not with me but with the other players. Some of them played very-very well!!). There were tubists from Australia, Sweden etc. and only for ca. 5 minutes! Great, isnt it?

Just my short story...

[Kayla]

It was my college audition for the college I am at now. I was extremely shy yet the faculty tried their best to make it as comfortable as possible. They had a sight reading session after my prepared pieces.

Now, I had already visited this college before and talked to the brass professor (yes brass professor, we are pretty small) about getting material to work on because before college, I had never had a private lesson in my life.

Back to the auditions... The brass professor held up the Bordogni etude book and asked me if I had ever saw it. I seized this opportunity to "break the ice", and said, "Yes I have, you told me to buy it." The faculty found this to be hilarious, and commented how I wasn't even a student yet and I already listen to the professor.

Now for the sight singing and sight rhythm reading...that's more of the scary part of this thread.