House Kills Tuba Player!

[jimself]

House Kills Tuba Player!

Before:

From the writer’s notes for an upcoming episode of the hit TV Show “House”.

INT. MUSIC PRACTICE ROOM -- DAY

TIBALT OYYLANT, 30s, joyous, bubbly, plays "Carnival of Venice"
on TUBA for one of his college tuba students. This
is an almost impossible piece to play on the trumpet; on
tuba, it's almost stupid. But Tibalt is one of the world's
best tuba players and he delights in the technical difficulty.
The student has a huge smile on his face watching Tibalt
play.

Tibalt takes a deep breath, but suddenly coughs violently,
blood squirting out of the corners of his mouth. As he
attempts to hold it in, the blood forcefully goes into the
tuba and sprays out the bell end. And Tibalt tumbles
awkwardly onto the tuba...Dead.
----------------------------------------------------------

What an interesting coincidence. Oystein Baadsvik was playing the Vaughan Williams Tuba Concerto with the Bakersfield Symphony and stayed a few nights with me in Los Angeles. One day while he was here I got an email from my neighbor, Elan Soltes, who does production work on the TV show “House”. He saw an advanced script for the show that called for a tuba player. He submitted my name to play the part and music. So I get a call to do a pre-record session. Oystein commented on how popular House was in Norway. While he was at LAX awaiting his return flight, he got an e mail from his agent. It was from the producer of House who had seen Oystein’s You-Tube spectacular (fast) version of The Carnival of Venice. He wanted to know if Oystein could quickly make a solo version of the last variation—the one with a BILLION notes as opposed to the others with only a MILLION notes. If he had gotten the message earlier he could have done it while he was in Los Angeles (depending on the AFM rules). In any case by this time I had already been hired to do the session and I was expected to play it as fast and impressively as that video. I even got out of some work with the Pacific Symphony at the last minute to do it only to find that it was postponed a week—frustrations of work conflicts. But at least it gave me some more time to woodshed the piece.

One of the more challenging parts of being a studio musician is having to copy something that others have done. Producers and composers hear something and think it is cool so they write it (or something like it) that you have to record. After Tommy Johnson recorded the famous Jaws melody, the same theme was used in the opening credits for later movies, Airplane 1 and 2. I showed up on those sessions and had to sight read that thorny line.

Well I went into House composer Jon Erhlich’s little studio to record the Carnival of Venice. They wanted me to do it at 8th note equals 180 as Oystein had done it but the fastest I could do was 160—still damn fast. After 2 complete takes we did a couple of sections where they wanted me to cough and then resume playing. This gave it a surreal sound. Anyway we did the session in 1:15 minutes and I was relieved to have it “in the can.” I got paid double scale!

Later that week I was called to do the sidelining for the show. They had hired a real actor Mark Beltzman, (who happened to be an amateur tuba player), and also a stunt double. All they wanted me for was a “hand double” so they could cut to my hands that would (at least) look like I was playing the notes. Mark did the several takes, some in which he spit up fake blood. Then they filmed my hands and finally the stunt double came in and made several takes falling with the tuba. They did some serious damage to a brand new Jupiter BBb tuba. The several thousand dollar cost of that instrument could have been better spent paying me to do the whole thing. I’ve been told that I may have to go back in and record it again so the coughs will line up with when the actor coughed so maybe I’ll get another double scale gig out of it—but I was sure hoping I would never have to play that again.

Word is that the House episode will be shown about September 9th—another milestone in the history of tubas in the studios. When it comes to the studio business I don’t believe anything until it happens.

May 2008


After:

Well the House episode titled “Not Cancer” aired on September 16th. I was working at the opera but my neighbor gave me a DVD of the show. It was a big disappointment. The scene with the tuba was very brief and the music was so low in the mix that I could barely hear it. In fact the background ambient music was playing over the tuba. My hand “double” got into the scene for a few seconds. So much for all the hoopla and hard work playing Carnival of Venice. But at least I got paid well for it--hey, a job’s a job!

The tuba scene is near the beginning of the episode--view it on line at:

http://www.hulu.com/watch/37152#2F70AD" target="_blank" target="_blank" target="_blank

Jim Self
http://www.bassethoundmusic.com" target="_blank" target="_blank" target="_blank

September 2008

[tmmcas1]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cuSYrxkva9Q" target="_blank" target="_blank

I saw that while at the Gym and laughed my butt off! I don't think the other patrons understood my amusement.

Tom McCaslin

[pierso20]

I happened to catch this episode!

Thanks for all the insider information! What a cool thing...killing of tuba players like that......

[Toad Away]

Hey Jim,
That's a great story, old friend!

Thought I'd share this one:
A small movie - Still Breathing - starring Brendan Fraser was to be filmed in San Antonio and I was to provide the tuba
for Celeste Holm. The studio had her take a week's worth of lessons with Toby Hanks before traveling to San Antonio and Sam Pilafian had already been here to record the tuba tracks.
When the filming started it became obvious that she didn't know which end was up and I was hired to coach and baby-sit her for a week (which I will never forget).
Talk about your tempermental prima donnas!
Anyway, a lot of the tuba scenes were cut along with some of Sam's beautiful sound tracks.



Best wishes,
Tim Loehr

[Mike Forbes]

Thank you JIM SELF! It's so wonderful to hear about these stories from a Hollywood insider. So much of what goes on in the studios is such a mystery to the large majority of us (AND OUR STUDENTS) and these kind of anecdotes really help paint the picture of what it is really like. And how someone as amazing as Jim Self is still humble enough to talk to the rest of us in such a colleagueal fashion....it's just so wonderful. Thank you, Jim, for sharing this event and behind the scenes look at the goings on in a studio musician's life!

All the best,
Mike

[TubaBobH]

...someone as amazing as Jim Self is still humble enough to talk to the rest of us in such a colleagueal fashion....it's just so wonderful

I could not agree more. This is one of the reasons I truly enjoy being a member of TubeNet. We are such an eclectic bunch of tuba players - from world class professionals (such as Jim Self), to amateur community band members (such as myself), to students just beginning to learn how to play the tuba. And the one thing that brings us altogether on this website is our love of, fascination with, or some might say addiction to, this marvelous instrument -- the tuba.

[tubajoe]

Here's another “Weird Tuba TV” story... I may have mentioned it here before, but Jim’s awesome story inspired me! (especially the fake blood combined with Carnival of Venice...!)

A few years ago I got called by a production company here in NYC that was doing a short comedy-documentary series on Bravo! TV. They wanted to do an “interview” of a working tuba player, mostly talking about the tuba, with some playing. The series was called “Great Things About..." Each show had it's own topic, and would mostly feature interviews with B & C list celebs and comics.

The episode I was to be in was called “Great Things About Being Fat”. I told the producer that while I’m not built like a vegan athelete, I’m certainly not “that” rotund... she said not to worry, that the spot was about the instrument itself and the sounds that it could make. Realizing that I would probably be setting the public image of the tuba back 20 years, I figured "hey, what the heck, a gig is a gig, and even better if it is on TV."

I asked when is the shoot? She said: “Tomorrow morning”. ...I’m thinking, ‘crap, no time for a haircut, fake tan (kidding) or makeover. (keep in mind, this is the network of “Project Runway”) I did however, manage to shower and find clean clothes.

In the morning, when I got to the studio they had a makeup technician all ready for me - which I consequently I asked to go easy on the lip makeup. (and realizing I did not need the fake-tan now, that they were literally airbrushing me a new face on top of my regular face)

I’m pretty used to recording studios, but had never done a TV spot like this before, so I expected some sort of sound-stage or the likes. It was not a sound stage at all -- it was a tiny room, probably 10X10, with a very LOW ceiling. ...and we all know about tubas and low ceilings. Fortunately, most of the spot was supposed to be me talking about the tuba, rather than me playing it.

The small room was set up for spoken interviews, not for music -- and the only sound they had setup was a tiny remote lavalier mic buried under my shirt.

The producer was really funny, and very kind. We talked about a brief history of the tuba, as well as its uses both common and uncommon, as well as a bit about myself.
I played some common stuff for them (the Ride, Tubby, etc) that they would recognize.
...keeping in mind the only mic that was set up was the lavalier under my shirt.

But more than anything (and remembering this is a comedy show), she was mainly interested in yes... fart noises. A lot of them; all different kinds and flavors. And a few animal noises too.

As much as could I tried to interject the fact that the tuba can do much more and actually play music. Finally, I got them to break out an actual boom mic for the last bit of the session, and showed them how to mic the bell. I then improvised a bit for them -- played a few different grooves, etc.


3 months or so later, they aired it a bunch of times, with NONE of the interview! BUT (fortunately!) they used almost all of the playing, including the groove with the boom mic, and they staged it well. The Ride and animal sounds were still from the lavalier mic, but contrast well with the other. I was thrilled that they ended up using so much playing, including the improvised stuff.


My favorite part is showing Mo’Nique and then showing Laura Flynn-Boyle with my playing in the background. “Jeez, lay off the twinkies, Boyle!”

http://www.tubajoe.com/video/GreatThings-Tubajoe.wmv

[Tom Holtz]

Imagine that session... "You, tuba player--sound like that Oystein guy. Now. Take 1..."

[Chris Smith]

Love the stories!! Keep them coming please.

[TubaCoopa]

That was absolutely hilarious. Nice hand "faking."

Aha! I knew all the pros pushed their second valve with two fingers!

[Rick Denney]

I didn't see the episode. Did they decide that the cause of the blood was playing with too much pressure?

Rick "thinking that'll get you every time" Denney

[tubatooter1940]

I can think of a lot of tuba players that need killing.
Hell, I might be one of them!
Nice video, Tubajoe.