When I win the lottery...

[dtemp]

I'm going to buy a series of parking garages all across the country.

It will be absolutely free to park there. However, if you park outside of the lines...$200 fine.

I'm a fairly angry guy, but this seems to be the thing that angers me the most. I think it's the fact that parking inside the lines is FRICKIN' EASY! Not doing it simply means you're either stupid or lazy. Or both. At least a dozen spaces in the parking garage near my office are wasted every day due to morons parking sideways across two or three spaces.

When the Powerball shines upon me, I'll take requests regarding where these free-parking garages should be. Just watch your asses (or tires).

[Doug@GT]

Combine the logic of the first two posts:

Open your car door into the side of cars that are parked over the line.

[SplatterTone]

Something like this would seem to be the ideal choice.

[Nick Pierce]

Hey, it worked for Bert Gummer!

If memory serves, it didn't actually work for him, since the worms just went straight through the walls.

[NC_amateur_euph]

W.I.W.T.L. -

The Mrs. already has this figured out. To wit:

- Buy a cul-de-sac on the water and build 3 nice homes - one for her, one for Carolyn, one for Sandy (they are the true Golden Girls).
- Find a really nice nursing home for me - must have access to high-speed data so I can continue to work and send the paychecks home.
- Hire Brunhilde as my private-duty nurse. No sweet young thang - a Nurse Wratched clone.

We kid about this - but I think, deep down, she's serious! I love her anyway.

[tubatooter1940]

If I won the lottery, there is only one thing I would need:

"The Bulldozer Song"

1. If I had a bulldozer, there'd be lots of parking places.
Look at that brand new Corvette - sittin' there taking up two spaces.

[chorus] If I had a diesel rig, with a big ole blade - treads just like a tank. I would have it made. Courtesy would reign, arguments would cease, 'cause everyone would know, I'd squash 'em like a cheese. [pause for hissy fit]

2. If I had a bulldozer, my application would go through. And my boss would run to get my coat, if I decided to leave by, two.
If I had a bulldozer, the I.R.S would never chide. And an audit would go much more quickly, with a 'dozer idling outside.

[chorus 2] If I had a diesel rig, with a big ole blade, treads just like a tank, I would have it made. Courtesy would reign, arguments abate, 'cause everyone would know, I'd squash 'em like a grape.

-tuba solo-

3. If I had a bulldozer, all the doors would open up. And people would treat me with a lot more respect, or I'd knock 'em down and squish 'em up.
[chorus 3] If I had a diesel rig, with a big ole blade, the world would be a better place.

[ken k]

Of course I would do all the boring pay off my debt stuff (although that would end the great tax deductions I have!)

set up college funds for the kids

retire from school teaching

buy my wife the thunderbird she has been covetting

buy BMWs for me, both a car and a motorcyle

add to my horn collection

finance a concert band to play a few concerts a year (I would conduct of course). Then I can play the music I want to play!

ken "of course in order to win the lottery I would have to buy a ticket!" k

[ken k]

OOO Bombay Sapphire, now you are talking....
just had a tini Friday night when I got home from the football game. Knowing there is Bombay waiting for me gets me through those 17 hour days!

speaking of gin I just saw a James Bond trivia thing somewhere (maybe it was here?) saying that 007 prefers Gordon's Gin. Never had it. I guess I will have to try a bottle.

k

[MaryAnn]

IIWTL...I would Quit.My.Job.Now.

The rest would fall into place.

MA