Drummers, drummers, we don't need no stinkin' drummers.

[kegmcnabb]

And it smells better, too!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a1ThSi1wbqU

New link! The old one was suspended for some reason!

[AndyCat]

Now that's GREAT timekeeping. Where do we send our drummers for a lesson?

[Chuck Jackson]

Priceless. Absolutely priceless.

[TubaRay]

Hard to top that....

[Teubonium]

I've heard of dragadiddles and paradiddles. Would this be a tractordiddle?

[tubatooter1940]

I heard that breaks longer than 20 minutes require retraining the drummer. I never heard of a band that couldn't play because the drummer wouldn't or couldn't get cranked.

[tbn.al]

Now that's a poppin' machine.

One Friday night in 1973 our drummer called in sick about 2 hours before our regular gig at Bella Vista Coountry Club and the band leader couldn't find a replacement that could get there before the first set. He went by his music store and picked up one of the first, very rudimentary, drum machines to fill in for the first set ot two. Our old, bald, piano player, Blakley Head, who played with Teagarten for a while before the war, had a fit. He walked in at the last minute as usual, asked, "Where's the drummer?", then announced to everyone in the hall when shown the drum machine, "I'm goin' home. I ain't playin' with no infernal poppin' machine!" After which he left. It was awful. We played the first set with 3 horns, a bass and a rather weak imitation of that tractor. When the drummer got there, of CW ilk, it was better, but not much.

[windshieldbug]

DRUMMERS!? We don't need no stinkin' drummers!

(at least the tractor won't sleep with your girlfriend... )

[Dan Schultz]

The drummer in our German band quit a couple of months ago in order to spend more time with family and toys. At first, two of the band members complained that we wouldn't be able to 'keep the beat'. After a few weeks, they've become aware that there are other things going on in the ensemble than the bass drum, have been forced to read the music, and have become accustomed to actually listening. In my humble opinion... a single snare drum and a perhaps few toys are enough! No bass drum. We could use a drummer who doesn't think he's a 'rock star'.

[tubaforce]

I had a dixieland gig years ago, and the drummer became terribly ill after we'd set up and rehearsed at the venue! The banjo player was in a panic, and then I had a brainstorm! I grabbed the bass drum and hi-hat, placed 'em in front of me, and we made the gig that way! I even remembered some strategic kicks with the bass drum! All I lacked was some sort of one man-band gizmo, and I could've covered the cowbell with my left elbow! A stand for the 20-J I had would've helped too! The only time I couldn't play the drum was during my improvised solos, but I had a great time! Al.

[THE TUBA]

On the subject of drummers...

[elimia]

Drummer Fines

(Effective 01 June 2010...Zero Tolerance)

-Setup / Equipment Offenses-

Brings a 26" bass drum - $25

Has more than one bass drum - $100

Brings an 8" deep snare (for a solid back beat) - $50

Brings more than 2 mounted toms - $25

Has a tubular chrome bar for mounted toms - $50

Brings more than one floor tom - $25

Uses extra floor tom for ashtray/drink holder - $75

Brings more than two crash cymbals - $25

Doesn't bring a ride cymbal - $250

Brings a 46" Chinese gong (for big ending) - Automatic Dismissal

Brings two timpani (for bigger ending) Automatic Dismissal

Brings extra splashes (Just in case) - $25 each

Doesn't own any brushes - $300

Owns brushes but can't play with them - $500

Has an extra hi-hat that is always partially open - $250

Asks leader where he can plug in his headphones - $200

Asks Guitarist for help with unloading drums - $150

Wears dirty white Nike sneakers on tux gig - $50

Tunes snare drum during the benediction - $175

Retunes snare drum during buyer's speech - $100

-Miscellaneous Offenses-

Is first in line at the party's buffet -$50

Asks where the "to-go bags" are at the buffet line -$100

Asks the bartender for 3 "Purple Shooters" - $50

Says to the bride "You've got a nice set of hooters" - $125

Says to the brides mother "This is a f#%*in' party"- $150

Is ten minutes late for the next set - $25

Is twenty minutes late for the next set - $10

Never shows up for the next set - $0

Excessive Sweating - $500

Hits on singer's girlfriend - $500

Hits on club owner's wife - Automatic Dismissal

-Drummer Crimes-

Brings a mega kit to a multiband gig - $100

Breaks that kit down on stage after set - $250

Asks bassist to move rig for third floor tom - $50 (per Sq. Ft.)

Extra logo stickers on bass drum head - $75 each

Stick holders - $10

Drumming Shoes - $100

Drumming gloves - Automatic Dismissal

Double kick pedals - That Night's Pay

Using the double kick pedals. - Automatic Dismissal

Wearing Zildjian T-shirt onstage. - $50

Roto-Toms - Automatic Dismissal

Extra deep kicks and toms. - $50 each

Glow in the dark drumsticks - Automatic Dismissal

Ha! Nice one Bloke!