Worst. Jokes. Ever.

fenne1ca · Post by **fenne1ca** » Sat Apr 11, 2009 12:24 pm

smyoung wrote:How many tuba players does it take to change a lightbulb? 1...5...1...5...1...5...1.....

...what?

ken k · Post by **ken k** » Sat Apr 11, 2009 9:12 pm

bloke wrote:
Worst. Jokes. Ever.
Take your pick...

(If these aren't bad enough, I can come up with more.)

now lets not get political bloke....

unfortunately they are too real to be funny...

k

fenne1ca · Post by **fenne1ca** » Sun Apr 12, 2009 12:11 am

I think that last picture just made me soil myself...

eupher61 · Post by **eupher61** » Sun Apr 12, 2009 4:50 pm

The old guy Murphy is talking about his 50th wedding anniversary. He's at his neighborhood bar with some not-so-close friends, but friends. One says "Hey Murphy, what's your secret to such a long marriage?"

Murph says "Well, y'see lad, I give her everything she ever wants, and love her always, and she loves me, and gives me everything I want. Why, I even took her to back to Dear Old Mother Ireland for our 25th anniversary!"

"So, Murphy, what are you doing for your 50th anniversary?"

"Well, I guess I'll go and bring her back..."

tubatooter1940 · Post by **tubatooter1940** » Sun Apr 12, 2009 7:09 pm

There seems to be no definite bottom here:

Daughter runs into the house yelling, "Mommy, I just chopped brother's foot off with an axe."
Mommy yells back , "Tell him to stay outside until the stump bleeds out. I just mopped the floor."

PDCIITuba · Post by **PDCIITuba** » Mon Jun 29, 2009 11:00 pm

fenne1ca wrote:I think that last picture just made me soil myself...

i'm gonna have to second that

tubatooter1940 · Post by **tubatooter1940** » Fri Jul 03, 2009 8:04 am

I believe this thread should die out. Lovers of tasteless jokes are a minority.

One way to tell your dinner date is a real dog?
When the waiter brings the food, he sets her plate on the floor.

windshieldbug · Post by **windshieldbug** » Fri Jul 03, 2009 10:15 am

tubatooter1940 wrote:I believe this thread should die out. Lovers of tasteless jokes are a minority.

One way to tell your dinner date is a real dog?
When the waiter brings the food, he sets her plate on the floor.

... and then says, "Stay... stay... stay... OK, girl!"

windshieldbug · Post by **windshieldbug** » Sat Jul 04, 2009 8:32 am

If he's Haydn, let him come Bach!

Kevin Hendrick · Post by **Kevin Hendrick** » Sat Jul 04, 2009 2:29 pm

windshieldbug wrote:If he's Haydn, let him come Bach!

That would Beethoven someone else come in and take over ...

windshieldbug · Post by **windshieldbug** » Sat Jul 04, 2009 2:56 pm

Kevin Hendrick wrote:
windshieldbug wrote:If he's Haydn, let him come Bach!
That would Beethoven someone else come in and take over ...

Alright, let's just run down the Liszt...

tubatom91 · Post by **tubatom91** » Sat Jul 04, 2009 3:46 pm

I'm really trying to get a Handel on this...

Nick Pierce · Post by **Nick Pierce** » Sun Jul 05, 2009 8:24 pm

Schwarzenegger and Stallone were talking about doing a movie together about composers.

Stallone said "I'll be Mozart."

Schwarzenegger said "Fine. I'll be Bach."

tubatooter1940 · Post by **tubatooter1940** » Sun Jul 05, 2009 11:03 pm

A woman showed her doctor one of her breasts that was longer and hung much lower than the other.
The doctor asked what happened.
She replied, "My husband had hold of it when he fell out of bed,"

windshieldbug · Post by **windshieldbug** » Mon Jul 06, 2009 9:26 am

19th Century Composition vs, 20 Century Composition: steel Cage match

fenne1ca · Post by **fenne1ca** » Mon Jul 27, 2009 9:30 pm

I need a new pair of sneakers. I guess it's off to the Schumann!

The Jackson · Post by **The Jackson** » Mon Jul 27, 2009 9:34 pm

I had a friend named Alberto. He was very annoying.

I was always yelling, "Schubert!!!"

OldsRecording · Post by **OldsRecording** » Tue Jul 28, 2009 2:25 pm

An Austrian musicologist managed to discover the exact location of Mozart's grave. He dug up the remains of the renowned composer and was shocked to discover Mozart sitting up in his coffin working furiously with staff paper and an eraser. "Herr Mozart, but what are you doing?" said the man. Mozart replied, "Shhhh! I'm decomposing!"

windshieldbug · Post by **windshieldbug** » Tue Jul 28, 2009 4:37 pm

OldsRecording wrote:An Austrian musicologist managed to discover the exact location of Mozart's grave. He dug up the remains of the renowned composer and was shocked to discover Mozart sitting up in his coffin working furiously with staff paper and an eraser. "Herr Mozart, but what are you doing?" said the man. Mozart replied, "Shhhh! I'm decomposing!"

Perish the thought! Listen to the decay on those notes!

imperialbari · Post by **imperialbari** » Wed Jul 29, 2009 5:41 pm

WOMEN WHO KNOW THEIR PLACE....... it's all in a point of view !!!!!

Barbara Walters, of 20/20, did a story on gender roles in Kabul Afghanistan,
several years before the Afghan conflict. She noted that women customarily
walked five paces behind their husbands.
She recently returned to Kabul and observed that women still walk behind
their husbands. Despite the overthrow of the oppressive Taliban regime, the
women are happy to maintain the old custom.
Ms. Walters approached one of the Afghani women and asked, 'Why do you now
seem happy with an old custom that you once tried so desperately to change?'
The woman looked Ms. Walters straight in the eyes, and without hesitation
said, 'Land Mines.'
No matter what language you speak or where you go:
BEHIND EVERY MAN, THERE IS A SMART WOMAN

I don’t agree with the morale of the above, yet liked the construction of the plot.

K

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