Worst. Jokes. Ever.

[windshieldbug]

A man is waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son was born without torso, arms or legs. The son is just a head! But the dad loves his son and raises him as well as he can, with love and compassion.

After 21 years, the son is now old enough for his first drink. Dad takes him to the bar, tearfully tells the son he is proud of him and orders up the biggest, strongest drink for his boy. With all the bar patrons looking on curiously and the bartender shaking his head in disbelief, the boy takes his first sip of alcohol.

Swoooosh! Plop!! A torso pops out! The bar is dead silent; then bursts into whoops of joy. The father, shocked, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant "Take another drink!"

The bartender continues to shake his head in dismay. Swoooosh! Plip! Plop!! Two arms pop out.

The bar goes wild. The father, crying and wailing, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant, 'Take another drink! Take another drink!!' The bartender ignores the whole affair and goes back to polishing glasses, shaking his head, clearly unimpressed by the amazing scenes.

By now the boy is getting tipsy, but with his new hands he reaches down, grabs his drink and guzzles the last of it. Plop! Plip!! Two legs pop out. The bar is in chaos.

The father falls to his knees and tearfully thanks God. The boy stands up on his new legs and stumbles to the left then staggers to the right through the front door, into the street, where a truck runs over him and kills him instantly. The bar falls silent.

The father moans in grief. The bartender sighs and says,

"He should've quit while he was a head!"

[Brucom]

Just sign right here and you can pick any job description you want after Basic Training.

[tubatooter1940]

Funeral director to grieving widow, "Why have you requested us to bury your husband with only his buttocks showing above ground?'
She replied, "That way when I visit his grave, I'll have a place to park my bicycle."

[fenne1ca]

How many tuba players does it take to change a lightbulb? 1...5...1...5...1...5...1.....

...what?

[ken k]

Worst. Jokes. Ever.

Take your pick...

(If these aren't bad enough, I can come up with more.)

now lets not get political bloke....

unfortunately they are too real to be funny...

k

[fenne1ca]

I think that last picture just made me soil myself...

[eupher61]

The old guy Murphy is talking about his 50th wedding anniversary. He's at his neighborhood bar with some not-so-close friends, but friends. One says "Hey Murphy, what's your secret to such a long marriage?"

Murph says "Well, y'see lad, I give her everything she ever wants, and love her always, and she loves me, and gives me everything I want. Why, I even took her to back to Dear Old Mother Ireland for our 25th anniversary!"

"So, Murphy, what are you doing for your 50th anniversary?"

"Well, I guess I'll go and bring her back..."

[tubatooter1940]

There seems to be no definite bottom here:

Daughter runs into the house yelling, "Mommy, I just chopped brother's foot off with an axe."
Mommy yells back , "Tell him to stay outside until the stump bleeds out. I just mopped the floor."

[PDCIITuba]

I think that last picture just made me soil myself...

i'm gonna have to second that

[tubatooter1940]

I believe this thread should die out. Lovers of tasteless jokes are a minority.

One way to tell your dinner date is a real dog?
When the waiter brings the food, he sets her plate on the floor.

[windshieldbug]

I believe this thread should die out. Lovers of tasteless jokes are a minority.

One way to tell your dinner date is a real dog?
When the waiter brings the food, he sets her plate on the floor.

... and then says, "Stay... stay... stay... OK, girl!"

[windshieldbug]

If he's Haydn, let him come Bach!

[Kevin Hendrick]

If he's Haydn, let him come Bach!

That would Beethoven someone else come in and take over ...

[windshieldbug]

If he's Haydn, let him come Bach!

That would Beethoven someone else come in and take over ...

Alright, let's just run down the Liszt...

[tubatom91]

I'm really trying to get a Handel on this...

[Nick Pierce]

Schwarzenegger and Stallone were talking about doing a movie together about composers.

Stallone said "I'll be Mozart."

Schwarzenegger said "Fine. I'll be Bach."

[tubatooter1940]

A woman showed her doctor one of her breasts that was longer and hung much lower than the other.
The doctor asked what happened.
She replied, "My husband had hold of it when he fell out of bed,"

[windshieldbug]

19th Century Composition vs, 20 Century Composition: steel Cage match

[fenne1ca]

I need a new pair of sneakers. I guess it's off to the Schumann!

[The Jackson]

I had a friend named Alberto. He was very annoying.

I was always yelling, "Schubert!!!"