Anyone Ever Play For The Border Guards?

[Gongadin]

Ever been stopped at the border by Customs and asked to play your tuba, or an experience like that?
What did you play, if so?

[Mark E. Chachich]

When my Alexander came into the country (in 1975) customs required someone to play the tuba (using all valves) in order to check that no contraband was in the contrabass . This is a simple and effective test that makes sense. However, I was out of state, so a friend of mine (that still plays tuba) went to the airport and played the concert for customs. I do not know what he played for them.

Mark

[Adam C.]

I've had to play for the Secret Service a couple times- given the "hurry up" nature of those encounters I usually just blurt out some low chromatic junk.

Somehow I don't think they would have enjoyed anything more than half a second's worth.

[Mudman]

I got stopped at the Canadian border on suspicion of drugs . . .

sitting in plain view on my dashboard was a gold Schilke 51 with a plastic tube attached to the shank for resistance. The tube had a hole drilled in it to help hit any note instead of locking in on one overtone series.

The guard goes "What's that?"

I said "my mouthpiece."

"What's it for?"

"For buzzing," I replied. (WRONG answer!)

"Step out of the car!"

I had to demonstrate what I meant by buzzing. The guard still had trouble believing me, but decided to let me go anyway.

[TubaRay]

Boy, Wayne. I sure hope I get to meet you someday. You sound like you are one of those people who can have fun in just about any situation.

[Gorilla Tuba]

Yes!

When entering East Germany (It was East Germany then) from Czechoslovakia (It was Czechoslovakia then)our train was stopped by Czech customs. They saw I had a Czech made helicon and made me play it to ensure I wasn't just a person smuggling instruments for sale in the west.

At that time you could buy a Czech made instrument really really cheap in Prague, but there was a 300% tarif on export. Luckily, because I was in the US Military at the time I was exempt from the tax. I ended up paying $75 for that 4 rotory valved helicon in F. It was a great horn.

[tubatooter1940]

I asked my interpeter to take me to a music store when We were in Siberia.My wife had a friend who asked us to pick him up some strings for his balilika (spelling?).The store had a set for this triangular three stringer,for six one thousandths of a cent (American)-Hey get him two sets-why not.After this transaction,I wandered the store looking for a cheap guitar,when behold I spy a new E-flat military tuba."How much?"I asked.10,000 Rubles-ten bucks U.S..I had to have it.The thing played so so but I had to have it.I got quite a few laughs out of it before we got to the airport.The Siberians thought I might be making a joke but my wife told them that I was a tuba player and was so happy to finally own one.
Alaska Airlines insisted I check my new tuba but I only had a canvass bag I got at the music store-no case.They threw it and rumpled the bell very badly and I had one more plane to Juneau to get it on.I booked the very last seat and was aboard trying to stuff the tuba behind the seat when the attendant insisted that I check it.A heated argument was just starting when the pilot offered to take the tuba in his private locker and instructed me to stop by the front of the plane when we landed and he would hand it down to me.At Juneau I walked up to the front of the plane and he graciously handed me my tuba when this customs lady started yelling,"Stop,stop".I guess they thought the horn was full of drugs or something but we finally straightened things out.
We boarded a cruise ship for Seatle and the tuba just did fit under my bunk.The other passengers on the ship would ask,Why bring a tuba on a cruise ship?We would answer that it's a tool like a hammer.And when you need one,nothing else will quite do.
Tubatooter1940